- Under the stars Asked 14 hours ago in Chit Chat, Jokes, and More .
@SC–don’t you mean Punny? 😀 😀
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- Under the stars Asked 21 hours ago in Activities & Items .
We used to take like an hour to “kiss goodnight” when we were dating, because I would walk him to the door, where we had some privacy, and we would make out. We still kiss often; in fact we will kiss each other goodbye 4 or 5 times before we actually part. Part of the reason for that is that I want us to always part well and on good terms. Just this past Sunday he kissed me, on the lips, in greeting when I arrived at church because he had gone early and DD and I came separately. One of the ushers said, “Hey hey! None of that, now!!” (He was kidding.) We kiss–briefly but soundly–a lot, however we don’t do as much making out as I could wish. We only do a lot of deep kissing when we are actually getting ready to have sex. I would love to just cuddle on the couch and kiss for an hour or so. Then again, I guess when we were teens, that hour was the only chance we had to kiss because we didn’t live and sleep together, so it’s reasonable that the urgency to make out on the couch fades a bit when we are going to snuggle naked under the covers later. Still, it would be fun to do it more. Sometimes during the actual sex I’m not so much interested in as much kissing because kissing takes focus and mine is elsewhere at that time.
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@Chelle–I sympathize with your frustration. There are many things that are said to have great sensual effect on men that just don’t do a darn thing for my DH. I remember in high school, our peer group would hang out in the Library each morning before school. It became a “thing” for us girls to come up behind the boys and gently tease the hair at the nape of their necks. All the other boys would shiver and, well, imply that it gave them an erection. (Not that we should have been encouraging those things, but–teenagers.) My now-DH sat like a block of wood, and I don’t mean that kind of wood. Never phased him. He gets nothing out of massage, even when he has sore muscles, he says it doesn’t help, much less excite him otherwise. It does sound like your DH is somewhat worse, but I can sympathize with you.
Don’t give up! SOMEthing must get him in the mood. Keep trying to find out what it is and focus your attention on that.
I’ll pray for you!
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Once in a blue moon I get a “dick pic” from him while he is at work. I love knowing he is thinking of me when he is away and turned on by thinking of me, and if he is going to the trouble (and at least a little RISK) of doing that, he is probably planning to rock my world that night!
He also once went commando when we went out somewhere and waited til we were away from the house to tell me. It was very exciting.
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- Under the stars Asked 1 day ago in Intercourse (PIV) & Positions.
Matthew 25: 14-30 seems to apply here. 😉
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- Under the stars Asked 1 day ago in Guidelines, How To's and FAQ's (Have a question about how the system works?).
If you do it immediately, Control-Z can undo your last action, which is handy when you aren’t sure exactly what that action was, but it made stuff vanish. I use it all the time!
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- Under the stars Asked 1 day ago in Oral Sex.
I agree with pretty much everything MQ said. (I don’t recall seeing MQ here before; Welcome!!)
Why I like it:
(In addition to what has already been said) my DH raves about how skilled I am at it. He tells me I could be a “pro” as if I have some super special skill at it that makes it better than (theoretically!) any other woman. I don’t, it’s just because he loves me, but it sure makes me feel good that he tells me that. So it makes me want to show him again and again what an “expert” I am, and to bring him to new heights of appreciation for my “work”.
Similarly, SC brought up the term “sex kitten” and that is a HUGE part of why I like it. It DOES make me feel very powerful and sexy and sensual to do that for him and have him become putty in my hands (so to speak) because I bring him so much pleasure. I love the idea of having the power to make this strong, stoic, self-controlled manly man lose control.
So while it is about how much I love giving him pleasure, it is also very much about my own pleasure. I do become aroused while giving him OS, especially if I make a point to rock my hips and otherwise move my body while engaging with him.
How can he make it better:
To clarify the repeated advice of all of us: when you wash, make sure you get all the creases and crevices where odors can linger; even if the main parts are squeaky clean, a musty groin will be off-putting. A pleasant-scented body wash (as opposed to plain soap) might also be a good idea.
I’ve HEARD, though not experienced, that if a man eats a lot of pineapple it can sweeten the taste of his ejaculate. I just don’t focus on the taste if I can help it. I swallow when I can and spit discreetly when I can’t. I didn’t at first. It took time working up to it, and wanting to do it just because I wanted to please (and shock!) my DH. (I actually used to think when people would talk about how desirable it was for a woman “to swallow” that it meant taking him far enough into her throat to swallow around him, so I learned to do that before he ever finished in my mouth. But don’t feel bad if your wife can’t; I have virtually no gag reflex.)
I agree this one is very important: enjoy it, but don’t make it the thing you always have to have. Because this is one area where we failed in our intentions before marriage and I had my mouth on him quite a few times, I felt early in our marriage that the fact that he always wanted OS was a punishment on me for what I had done pre-marriage. I felt like he didn’t like “real” sex with me as much as he liked OS (in my mind at that point, a substitute) and so I resisted (or resented) giving him OS unless I knew we were having “real” sex unless it was a special occasion.
Also, enjoy it, but don’t get over-excited and start thrusting hard or grab and pin her head, unless you know (as in, she told you) she is okay with that.
Advice for reluctant wives:
Try focusing on the sensation of gliding your tongue over that silky skin, notice every little change in texture–blood vessels, creases where it stretched, the ridge of the little “hat”, etc and play with them, focusing on how it feels. Again, move your hips (create friction on your clit with your own body movements). Try licking other body parts on your way to the main event to tease him and ease you. (I love the way my DH’s ankle feels on my tongue, in that soft spot between his ball joint and achilles tendon. I also love the middle joint of his fingers and his earlobe. All these spots also drive his arousal higher. Pay attention to his reactions, especially if he is not particularly verbal or eloquent in his appreciation, but notice his change in breathing, squeezing his eyes shut, his desire to move his hips, making fists, etc. Look up at him while you have your mouth on him and make eye contact; you will see in his eyes how absolutely gone he is for you at that moment. Vary your technique; do switch between mouth and hand to give your mouth a break. Go from sucking to kissing it to relieve the pressure of having your jaw all the way open. And when you are just done, say so. Just give him an impish grin, crawl up his body and say, “All done!” or “That’s all you get!” Then proceed to kiss him senseless.
The more YOU enjoy it, the more HE will enjoy it; BUT ALSO, the more HE enjoys it, the more YOU will enjoy it.
ETA: If you are a wife who can manage giving it a try, that is. I understand there are some who just can’t, and I am not intending to heap condemnation on those. I seek to encourage those who are willing but hesitant.
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- Under the stars Asked 2 days ago in Activities & Items .
I’m curious how #4 came to be between #3 and #5? I have to admit–and I feel guilty about it, but it’s true anyway–prayer before sex tends to ruin the mood. Years ago, we used to try to pray every night before we went to sleep, but noticed that when we did that, we ended up having a lot less sex. I know sex is something God created for us and blessed, and I live that belief entirely…except in the moments when we are actually getting sexy. I can’t feel comfortable praying when I’m sitting on the toilet, either. I think it has to do with the feelings of awe that the omnipotent creator and ruler of all creation inspires. I know he is also Christ our brother and friend, and is not distressed by anything he created, even sex fluids and poop, but my hangups rarely pay attention to knowledge and logic. :/
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- Under the stars Asked 2 days ago in Question of the Day.
We have some dirty dice and played with them for a couple minutes a time or two. Like Oldbear, it just hasn’t seemed natural to our personalities, BUT I’m thinking it might be time to give it another try.
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