MQ's Profile
Double bed
147
Points

Questions
3

Answers
10

  • Double bed Asked on February 19, 2020 in PROBLEMS.

      Just an update….

      Took the advice of some here to concentrate on the foreplay and get close to an O before proceeding with PIV. Worked like a charm.

      20 minutes of foreplay (part focused on me, and part focused on him), and we were both close to climax. Moved on to PIV and I had a very easy climax in less than 5 minutes (his was less than a minute).

      Funny thing is that this is very much how we used to do it all the time – him getting me very close during foreplay and then starting PIV. I had forgotten this fact somehow, which seems quite ridiculous, but I honestly forgot. We stopped doing it that way quite a while ago, possibly around the time I tried to be more adventurous and active (focussing more on giving him pleasure), rather than just receiving the stimulation.

      Thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions. They have been most helpful, and I am very grateful for you all taking time to help me out with my situation.

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    • Double bed Asked on February 18, 2020 in PROBLEMS.

        @newwifenewlife – thanks for your suggestions.

        To clarify, I am talking about the time it takes for foreplay + PIV. We usually always try for my O first, so it might take me about 10-30 mins from when we start foreplay to when I reach climax (or not reach climax and give up).

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      • Double bed Asked on February 17, 2020 in PROBLEMS.

          @luvabug99 (and @Scott+Zelda) – Yes, I have discussed this with him, and it was clear that I was not mistaken in thinking he was bored/disengaged. He said the prospect of doing that (having me take a long time) X times a week would not be enjoyable for him.

          Thank you everyone for your advice so far. I would welcome any further tips if anyone has any. Thanks.

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        • Double bed Asked on January 27, 2020 in Oral Sex.

            What makes Fellatio something you want to do for your husband?

            – Mostly because I know he really, really, really enjoys it, and I like to make him happy.
            – Sometimes, after I have started, there is maybe an element of me enjoying the effect I am having on him. Like me enjoying the fact that I am able to bring him such intense pleasure.
            – Part of me enjoys the ‘creative’ aspect of the act. Meaning, there are a lot of different things you can do with your lips, mouth and tongue, and I find it enjoyable to vary what I’m doing and see the effect it has on his level of enjoyment.
            – Part of me likes the fact that I can engage in OS and not have to think about whether I’m going to be able to climax, or whether I’m taking too long to climax, or whether he might be getting bored because I’m taking so long, etc…. it’s just him receiving the pleasure, so in one sense the pressure is off me.

            What could us men do to make it more desirable for you to give?

            – Shower beforehand. It’s nicer when everything is clean, although I still do it even if he hasn’t just had a shower.
            – Give encouraging feedback! Be vocal in expressing your pleasure because this is very encouraging to the wife, especially when this is not something she normally does. She might be wondering if she’s doing it ‘right’, so hearing you enjoying it will help her to know that she is doing well, and will give her confidence in her ability… which will make it more likely that she will want to do it again sometime.
            – Don’t demand it, nor pressure her to do it (or any aspect of it, eg. swallowing). My husband never pressured or asked for it, but I can only imagine that feeling pressured could very easily turn a wife off to the idea.
            – In terms of a husband trying to make a request for his wife to give OS, I don’t have any advice on how to approach this. My husband never asked. It was me who decided it was something I wanted to try (after more than a decade of marriage).
            – Enjoy OS, but don’t make it the thing you always have to have.
            – Reciprocate! (if she is willing to let you)

            What advice would you give to a wife like mine?

            If she’s open to the idea, but some aspects are off-putting, my advice to her would be…

            – If she feels ill-equipped to perform adequately, I would suggest reading relevant ‘how-to’ articles on Christian marriage websites (eg. Hot Holy Humorous). Honestly, the more I read, the more confident I felt in making an attempt at giving OS.
            – Understand that it is possible to go from being very put off by the idea of giving OS…..to wanting to give it and actually enjoying giving it (yep, that’s my story, and it didn’t happen overnight either).
            – Take it in baby steps. Really. Don’t try to go from ‘never done it before’, straight to ‘do it to completion in your mouth and swallow’, all in one session. That’s great if it happens that way, but that doesn’t need to be the goal. Just baby steps, bit by bit, and she will get there. No need for her to make it a big deal and say, “Ok, I’m going to try to do some OS now……”, just make the baby steps a natural part of your foreplay for PIV (or whatever else you normally do).
            – If she is averse to the feel/taste of semen, I don’t have any magic way to deal with this, but I will say I have gone from really disliking it, to now being quite ok with it (and now I always swallow). I just kept giving it a go, and eventually it was no longer off-putting.
            – Be open to feedback from your husband, and/or ask him how you can make it even more enjoyable for him.

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          • @LuckyInLove – I agree with you that it doesn’t matter what other husbands do – because it’s only my husband that matters in my situation.

            However, I think learning more about how other men approach this with their wife does help me to understand men in general a bit more. I have very much been enlightened by reading about how men think and behave in terms of marriage roles, and have found the information extremely valuable in helping me to improve in my role as a wife. That’s one reason that I posted my original question – to learn more. I was not intending to use the answers as a standard by which I would measure my own marriage.

            In terms of having a discussion with my husband about this – yes, we have had a very long discussion once about this. I didn’t approach it from the “you never compliment me” side of things, because I don’t think that is fair or helpful. It was more of a “how do you feel about my body?” conversation. From my perspective, I felt that perhaps he was put in a position where he had to say something positive – I mean, it would probably be very hard to answer negatively, wouldn’t it?

            We discussed, and he agreed, that some positive comments from him would be very helpful in building up my body confidence. He did say some positive things over the following couple of weeks, but then it finished.

            I am hesitant to discuss it again, because it did seem that he was probably just saying those positive things because he felt pressured to do so (hence why it ceased shortly after). I don’t want to put him in that position again.

            So, this brings me back to where I’m at now – trying to understand what his lack of positive affirmation might mean for me.

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          • @SeekingChange – Yes, I have paid attention, but I can’t see anything to indicate that he likes what he sees physically. Not saying he doesn’t like what he sees – what I am saying is that if he is affirming my physical appearance, then I am unaware of him doing so.

            I get the feeling that maybe some people who read my question have assumed that I am resentful or dissatisfied (or some other negative feeling) about my situation. This is not the case. I am just trying to understand my situation better, and trying to understand my husband better.

            Wives are told that men are highly visual. We are told that the sight of a woman’s body is a great source of pleasure for men. Young attractive women can easily provide this pleasure, without any effort. I would like to provide my husband with this pleasure, but I am clearly not what society deems young and attractive — so, I naturally ask myself if I actually am able to provide him with something he enjoys looking at? If I get no indication of such from him, I am left to try and make sense of that. Doesn’t mean I am comparing and being dissatisfied – just means I’m trying to understand things better. My original question was posted to help me understand some of this better.

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          • (Again, I’m posting here because I don’t have enough points to comment yet)

            @SeekingChange – You make some valid points. I would like to just clarify that I’m not talking about whether a husband loves his wife, or whether he shows love to his wife. I’m taking about whether a husband affirms his wife’s physical appearance. This, as I see it, is independent of whether he shows her his love. Hope that clarifies where I’m coming from.

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          • (posting here because I don’t have enough points to comment)

            @LuckyInLove – I appreciate you giving your thoughts. To answer your question, I have read it countless times on website articles, both Christian and secular. These are mostly articles about women’s body image – one of the recurring messages that is common to these articles is: “Believe your husband when he tells you that you are beautiful!”. Why is this the recurring message if the majority of husbands are not actually complimenting their wife?

            I’ve also come across many many comments from wives who say that their husband compliments them “all the time” but they don’t believe his words. Again, these are both secular and Christian websites.

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          • @Tracker – I don’t know if the affirmation is a requirement or expected. I would think it’s neither, personally. I also don’t ask (and never have) questions like, “Do I look good in this dress?”.

            My post here was because I am trying to reconcile what I hear/read from many other married people (in real life and also online) with my own experience. It seems that it’s a very common thing for husbands to speak positively about the physical appearance of their wife – and do it regularly, as in probably every week or so (or more often in many cases I know).

            I’ve read countless other women saying that they are told almost daily that they are “beautiful” (or other similar positive comments). I began to wonder whether this was actually the norm for husbands to affirm their wife regularly in this way. It seems that so many husbands do indeed do this, leaving me with the impression that the absence of such affirmation is perhaps unusual or uncommon.

            I don’t ask for compliments, and never have. However, after reading that so many other men routinely affirm their wife in this way, I have realised that my situation is apparently not the norm. Naturally, this then leads me to ask myself, “Why?”.

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          • @ALL_IN – Sorry, I’m new to all this. I will go and introduce myself now…

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