Susan98's Profile
Twin bed
23
Points

Questions
2

Answers
4

  • @Seeking Change (I can’t post a comment I guess):

    Wow, you are right that random pop ups like that are the Holy Spirit. We had the most emotional night last night since when he told me he wanted to leave. He started looking for an apartment yesterday, which is the first real move he has made to actually separate. I thought he wasn’t going to start looking until the end of August, but I guess I misunderstood — he plans to move out by then.

    I ended up going somewhere yesterday afternoon / evening where I could just enjoy nature alone and have a few drinks, after leaving him a letter that I had already written while feeling God’s presence very strongly a few days before. When he asked me to come home, I drove home literally begging God to just take me home to Him. I’ve never prayed that before, and I wouldn’t exactly call it my finest moment. But I also can’t say I really feel any different now; I’m just not actively praying for that.

    Nothing has changed as far as his plans. My DH saw the very ugly side of what this is doing to me, which made him want to run away faster, but he tried to comfort me instead, to his credit. I’ve asked him to talk to his counselor who he sees on the 13th before signing a lease. I don’t know if he will wait or not, or if it will matter.

    I think he believes I’m better off without him in the long term. Since all you see on social media are highlight reels, anyone who is divorced looks like they’ve moved on to a new wonderful relationship, with no mention of the devastation and baggage caused by that divorce that preceded it.

    Thank you for your prayers. And I hope someone reads this who needs to hear, and is receptive to, the fact that leaving your spouse when there is no logical Biblical reason is never the best or easiest route for anyone.

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  • Thank you. He truly is an amazing person, but he just can’t see that right now. He only sees the mistakes he’s made — mistakes I’ve already forgiven him for. Some of those are serious and have been painful, but Jesus paid for all sins, not just the “little” ones.

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  • Twin bed Asked on May 16, 2019 in Infidelity .

      So, a couple of things have happened. Apparently, seeing me sad and dejected for a few days and finding out that I’m making an appointment for counseling had an effect on him. We had a very calm talk about all of the dishonesty and personal conversations, etc. — all things I’ve said before, with me being completely transparent about how I felt like giving up. But this time I think he began to understand things like how deleting messages isn’t protecting me but lying to me instead. (I feel like that should be obvious, but it’s not to him.) I think he’s making a real effort. And I think it broke him to realize how emotionally done I was. I think it reminded him of how he felt back when we separated.

      In addition, a very good, Godly friend of ours is coming over tonight to talk to him, to try to add some perspective and levity. This is someone he respects very highly and who has a truly God-given ability to speak truth in love in a way people can hear it. I’m scared to trust anything with my husband still, but these two conversations and his responses to everything I said last night have given me some hope.

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    • Twin bed Asked on May 14, 2019 in Infidelity .

        Thank you all for your responses. I do plan to seek counseling on my own, and I have one very good friend who has always been a stable source of biblical wisdom for me, and she walked with me through the previous separation. I’ve talked to her about the recent events, but not all of them. I hate burdening her with it because she and her husband are our two closest friends — we’re their children’s God parents.

        My husband is a Christian. I’ve seen enough evidence to be as sure of that as I can be for another person.

        The hard part of all of this is that he truly seemed remorseful last week and more contrite than I’ve ever seen him. Then he talked to this woman again the very next day, just not quite as personally, but still saying something negative about me. I think he just doesn’t grasp the seriousness of the issue.

        For those suggesting a separation, I have three questions: 1. Have you seen such a separation actually end in reconciliation before? We reconciled before, but it was only a separation within our house where we slept separately, and only a very few people knew. 2. How would I convince him that the separation is with the hope of reconciliation when his request for separation before was with an absolute intent of ending the marriage? 3. How would he prove to me his honesty and faithfulness during a separation?

        I’m not sure if I’m willing to live the rest of my life like this. But I don’t know that I’m ready to live without him either. He’s been the priority of my life now for 21 of my 39 years of life (including our dating relationship).

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