Tabitha's Profile
Double bed



  • I find the guilt and expectation that I should be doing better steals the joy of what is working. I concentrate on the good parts and realize sex is not the key to a good marriage. There are many great marriages with little intercourse but lots of intimacy through verbal communication and time spent together.

    • 13 answers
    • 0 votes
  • Double bed Asked 6 days ago in NON-SEXUAL MARRIAGE ISSUES.

      We go out to eat and then to one of the big box hardware/gardening stores so I can get some plants and hubby can try to convince me he needs another power tool. We used to do movies, but Covid has killed that. We have been getting a lot of icecream to eat in the park. The nice thing is we are talking more since you generally don’t talk at movies. Sometimes we go to the local coffee house to listen to a live band perform. Sometimes if it is low energy we just watch Netflix and chill at home, though we actually watch Netflix and relax, not what my daughter tells me that phrase means.

      • 12 answers
      • 0 votes
    • What jumps out at me is we are to “not keep score.” I feel unappreciated when my husband keeps a running tab of the number of times we have had sex in a year. This in no way causes me to want to increase frequency. I think both spouses have to have a servant mentality and if one person does not want to have sex on a particular night they should not feel pressured into it, that is not serving one another.

      Everyone only has a certain amount of energy in a day, week or month. If one partner does more work so the other one isn’t tired all the time that isn’t a transaction and not prostitution. I’ve told my husband repeatedly if he worked more and made more money I could work less and would feel like having sex more often. It goes both ways.

      • 11 answers
      • 1 votes
    • Double bed Asked on July 29, 2020 in Question of the Day.

        I think all loving interaction can be seen as sexual connection so we spend several hours a day if you include talking and doing things together. Actual sexual play is probably about an hour of foreplay and touches and massage for me and then five to ten minutes of actual intercourse.

        • 25 answers
        • 0 votes
      • Double bed Asked on July 27, 2020 in Activities & Items .

          I do not appreciate all the animosity and calling me a troll, that is hateful rather than loving. I come for advice and support and I don’t get any grace. I have a very busy stressful life and I may not live up to your ideal standards but we are doing the best we can. My husband is not perfect either and there have been plenty of times when he refused sex when I said it was okay. I love him and I am committed to him as a good wife and would never leave him.

          We did workout a compromise on our own. He said it is okay if we do not have sex on vacation because he understands my concerns about being in a strange place. We have five weeks until we leave and we have agreed to have sex before we leave sometime AND we will have sex when we get back on the weekend before we have to go back to work on Monday.

          I am looking forward to being with my husband on vacation and talking and relaxing and making good memories and that is more important than worrying about if I will be comfortable enough to have sex. I choose to focus on the good things and enjoy the time and company of family.

          • 25 answers
          • 0 votes
        • Double bed Asked on July 25, 2020 in Activities & Items .

            I don’t like sex on vacation because it is a new place that is unfamiliar to me. It is not our bed and there are lots of strangers around, I have no idea how safe it is or if people can hear or worse see us. The kids are up and moving around at strange times, everyone’s sleep schedule is off. I have shared those concerns with my husband and he doesn’t hear me. We could only afford one cabin and I have no idea how thick the walls or door are. Sex in a strange place is impractical and too hard to do with the kids around. I don’t want to send the kids off on their own where they will be unsupervised, I would not be able to relax not knowing if they were safe.

            • 25 answers
            • 0 votes
          • Double bed Asked on July 25, 2020 in Desire Problems (men and women).

              I’ve been rereading these posts and they have been very helpful. I realize there are lots of women in the same situation I am in. I think I am seeing I do not like the pressure and expectation to perform is part of the problem. I do not like to be asked to have sex if it is for that night or for planning for a time weeks or months in advance. I would much prefer if it happens naturally then it is meant to happen. My husband is improving and becoming more understanding, he is not asking for sex near as often as he used to and I really like that. I feel like he is starting to accept me as I am without unrealistic expectations or for a need to follow what people or books say. We have had two really good months without any mention of sex (until yesterday when he brought it up and then many of the old feelings started to come back.) So we are making progress but still have a ways to go. Thank you for all the advice and encouragement.

              • 35 answers
              • 1 votes
            • Double bed Asked on April 11, 2020 in Question of the Day.

                Years ago my husband asked me to try the 69 position, it is horrible. Too much going on and I don’t like performing OS anyways.


                • 13 answers
                • 2 votes
              • It is weird because while most people are spending more time at home, my husband and I have seen our workloads increase. We are barely at home at the same time or one of us is asleep. I am working 10 hour days 6 days a week. My husband is working 12-16 hour days seven days a week with no increase in salary.

                • 10 answers
                • 0 votes
              • Double bed Asked on April 6, 2020 in Desire Problems (men and women).

                  I think your wife is normal and you should be a bit more understanding. My husband is always pestering me for sex but he just does not understand I can’t do it if I am not turned on and there is no way for me to get turned on. It just does not happen. Too many books say to do it even if you are not in the mood and eventually the wife will warm up, that is just not so. I know if I am not in the mood at the start there is no way I will be in the mood a half hour later, it just is a waste of both of our times. My husband has learned he must wait until I am in the mood and to stop trying to get me into the mood.

                  • 15 answers
                  • 0 votes