Sexual Fantasies

    Do you tell your spouse about sexual fantasies that you have that you know are wrong? If yes, how does he/she react?

    Queen bed Asked on October 2, 2019 in Polls.
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    Select your answer - End in December 31, 2019

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    Results of this poll (This poll was expired)

    50 Votes
    46% I'm a man and I don't tell my wife all of my sexual fantasies
    18% I'm a woman and I don't tell my husband all of my sexual fantasies
    14% I'm a man and I tell my wife all of my sexual fantasies
    10% I'm a woman and I tell my husband all of my sexual fantasies
    8% I'm a man and I don't have sexually immoral fantasies
    4% I'm a woman and I don't have sexually immoral fantasies

    9 Comments

    • Elevation October 2, 2019

      My thoughts on your question…

      Would sharing with them edify them or tear them down?
      What would be the purpose of sharing them if they are immoral?
      Would giving them to the Lord be a better and safer option?

      Reply

      • ALL_IN October 2, 2019

        I think if the fantasy is something they KNOW their spouse will not want to do for whatever reason, it’s best to leave it alone
        If they are Immoral, they need to go from the mind anyway, so it’s best to give it to the Lord and possible ask your spouse for prayer about it (in general terms maybe)

        Reply

    • Angler October 2, 2019

      The fantasies that I don’t share with her aren’t necessarily wrong but rather things she wouldn’t desire to do.

      Reply

    • Headliner October 2, 2019

      So in my case my wife was very open and honest about her sexual fantasies. I did not judge her, and I used those to make the sex better between us.

      Reply

    • Duchess October 2, 2019

      I don’t think I have any immoral fantasies I haven’t told DH. We have two “levels” of fantasies: the ones we hope to really act on and the ones we never would but simply arouse each other by talking about. Anything immoral would fall in that second category. If it’s immoral, we would never do it that’s what makes it a “fantasy” and not a “plan”.
      In general the few fantasies I don’t tell DH about are the ones where him thinking of it independently is part of the fantasy. You know, the old, if I have to tell you I want it, it doesn’t mean nearly as much. And I’m careful to not hold it against him if he does not fulfill these unspoken fantasies, since he has no way of knowing about them. I’m not above dropping hints, though! (Although the more hints I drop, the more likely I am to get irritated if he misses them.)

      Reply

      • Headliner October 3, 2019

        So this is what I am talking about Duchess. The fantasies that are just fantasies – do you use them to arouse each other by talking about? We have done that too.

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        • Duchess October 3, 2019

          Yes. My DH has a fantasy in which we would never engage IRL, but it is known by psychologists to be a very common fantasy among men. It’s about watching me with another man. If you look it up, there are lots of psychological reasons for the appeal of this fantasy that have nothing to do with actually wanting to share one’s wife. We tease each other about it during foreplay, just dirty talk while we fool around, and then when the main event happens, we’ve (at least I’ve–I can’t speak for him) moved on. When he is teasing and asking me to picture it, I usually just picture a clone of DH, a younger version of him, or an imaginary, nameless, faceless man.

          Reply

          • Headliner October 3, 2019

            Yes, I’ve heard that is such a common fantasy of husbands, and now even for wives.

            Reply

          • HMG17 November 11, 2019

            I have similar fantasy for my wife, but have never told her. Something about a very well-endowed man taking my wife while I watch is very exciting… again in the realm of something we would never do in real life.

            Reply

    • SongOfAngels October 2, 2019

      I have a fantasy that i use repeatedly to get myself over the edge into orgasm (it seems women have to really concentrate) but i don’t know if it’s necessarily immoral at all, probably would be best to use other fantasies but i’ve stopped beating myself up over it. I don’t know if i would necessarily tell my H because it’s kind of weird but i don’t think he’d judge me for it. He’s one to not ever cross the line immorally sexually even i think in fantasy…
      I suppose also there would be other fantasies that i would find arousing if i entertained them but i just don’t go there because what’s the point? it will never happen and it is ….wrong…

      Reply

      • SongOfAngels October 2, 2019

        Also i would like to know the percentage of fantasies that ARE immoral? That would have been nice to have been added to the poll.

        Reply

        • SongOfAngels October 2, 2019

          Ooops, just saw it on the poll, apologies. Also there’s no way to edit my original post, thus all the replies. Again, apology

          Reply

      • LuckyInLove October 2, 2019

        I can’t think of what an immoral fantasy would be unless it involved other people in some capacity.

        Reply

        • SongOfAngels October 2, 2019

          Probably true and one that i don’t have. I AM wondering though what the most pervasive “moral” and immoral fantasy would be?

          Reply

        • SeekingChange October 2, 2019

          Would forced scenarios be “immoral”, such as a “rape fantasy”? That’s a very common fantasy, it’s not necessarily about another person, but to actually rape is a sin and immoral. Exhibition and voyerism can easily bleed into “immoral” but are very common fantasies.

          Reply

          • SongOfAngels October 2, 2019

            Well, a rape fantasy is actually as you know, a very carefully controlled scenario in the woman’s mind…i think if it’s involving your husband it most definitely isn’t immoral, in my opinion anyway.

            Also for me, i don’t know if stumbling across a couple in the forest having sex and watching them for a minute or two is sinful…maybe the Holy Spirit would convict as He probably would convict me as i am extremely visual. I also don’t know about mild exhibitionism being immoral. I think for me it is fantasy involving another person in the marriage bed or wanting to switch genders as in cross dressing. I do also think fantasy on the husbands part of abusing the wife during sex (doing acts completely against her will and forcing her) is sinful. Completely different, IMO, than the wife carefully fantasizing about being taken by her husband.

            Reply

          • LuckyInLove October 3, 2019

            Rape, exhibitionism and voyeurism can’t happen without another person so I’d consider those to be immoral.

            Reply

            • SeekingChange October 5, 2019

              I’m still trying to figure out if I agree with you. Many fantasies are situational, with no person in mind…. and to get technical, your spouse actually could fulfill some of them. There are ways to fulfill an exhibition desire without actually being seen, so I am having a hard time with the claim these are all immoral.

          • Duchess October 3, 2019

            I sometimes have brief fantasies of speeding down the highway as fast as I can make my car go. That would break the law of the land, thereby breaking God’s law, i.e. sinning. I know I’m never going to do it (because I don’t want a ticket, I don’t want to possibly hurt someone if I would lose control of the car, and I don’t like to do wrong.) Is it immoral for me to enhance my driving pleasure by imagining how much fun it would be to go really fast?
            I know the Bible talks about the link between what is in the heart to what comes out of the mouth; it seems logical that a link to actions would follow, but I don’t recall reading that exactly. And of course, we are to “think about” things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8) and doubtless many of our fantasies don’t pass the test.
            I have been in the way of thinking that fantasies are okay as long as they stay fantasies and benefit the MB (like increasing arousal when you share them) but as I write this, the verse about “taking captive every thought” keeps popping into my head. I just looked it up (2 Cor. 10:5) and the part I didn’t remember was “and make it [every thought] obedient to Christ.”
            I really enjoy using our fantasies to enhance our sex life, so it is unpleasant to realize God might be telling me they are unGodly. I would like to start a new thread to discuss this further.

            Reply

            • SeekingChange October 3, 2019

              @Duchess, I look forward to seeing your thread!

            • Curious_Male November 5, 2019

              I second that! In my head I greatly debate where the line is for fantasy…if you know it is just fantasy and will never occur in real life then is there any line at all?
              It is easy for me to point to the things God has said are out of bounds for those things that are repulsive to me and thus I don’t ever fantasize about them…. but then there are other things that God says are wrong but the fantasy is so appealing that I then what to say that there are no limits on fantasy. Then I wonder if this doesn’t fall into the Christian Liberties realm where it may or may not be ok for each individual.
              Very frustrating because the church doesn’t talk about any of this stuff and thus I am so happy to have found this site as a venue to have the discussion and hear different viewpoints. I set out to write a document defining where the line is for Christians and found it very difficult to draw that line with regard to fantasy.
              I grew up very conservative but I strongly feel that too many Christians have been lead to believe that sex is somehow wrong (spiritual people take sex time to pray instead because that is more pleasing to God)…so I fear that Christians, who God intended to have the best sex lives, have constrained themselves with beliefs that are not in the Bible and thus they have the worse sex lives…or as I have seen some other poster say… no sex life at all.
              I have only meet two Christian men that said they were very happy with there sex lives… and all the rest…not so much! Why does there seem to be such a strong link between poor sex lives and Christianity?
              Not trying to “bash” Christianity as a whole…just this aspect of it.
              I believe that God wants Christians sex lives to be great and I find it hard to define many boundaries about what a husband and wife shouldn’t do in their MB.
              Sorry, for the rant…just needed to get it off my chest… feeling a little better now.

    • Chelle October 3, 2019

      It took me 25 years to even voice any of my fantasies to my DH in hopes we could try some out. I felt that the ones I stated were mild ones. With the exception of one hard no, there has been no attempts at exploring the others. I am not inclined to share further with him.

      Reply

    • Tantalum October 3, 2019

      This might be a bit strange, but I have some fantasies that are not particularly wild and certainly not immoral – they only involve my wife – and in fact I think my wife would be willing engage in them but in practice, I don’t think they would be that exciting to carry them out. I sometimes masturbate to these fantasies but I haven’t told my wife about them.

      Reply

    • Epaminondas October 3, 2019

      DW and I have discussed our fantasies. I know I’ve told her all of mine. She is mostly fine discussing them. Some we have implemented. Same for hers. Only one thing I’m into that most would consider a fetish that she hasn’t been willing to do for me, though she has told me stories that have happened to her in the past that apply so at least there’s that.

      Reply

    • Penny November 22, 2019

      They only immoral if you actually do them.

      Reply

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