Voyeur, Exhibitionist, Proximity, or Other?

    Answers to a recent question, “Watching other couples” has me thinking again about particular fantasies we share and wondering about the psychology of it. I’m starting with just how common is each variety of this fantasy?

    Do you feel at least a spark of interest at the idea of watching other couples (Voyer)?

    Do you feel at least a spark of interest at the idea of being watched (Exhibitionist)?

    Do you feel at least a spark of interest at the idea of having sex in the same space with one or more other couples without actually witnessing each other (Proximity)?

    Do you have another closely related but unlisted fantasy? (Please describe in comments!)

    Do you have absolutely NO spark of interest in any of these  ideas?

    Please check all that apply

    Under the stars Asked on August 27, 2019 in Polls.
    • Result

    Select your answer - End in August 31, 2020

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    Results of this poll

    90 Votes
    36% Voyeur
    27% Exhibitionist
    21% Proximity
    9% Other (Please describe in comments)
    8% Truly NO interest in any variety of this fantasy

    12 Comments

    • Duchess August 27, 2019

      I guess I should be vulnerable first. I have (as I actually shared several months ago) a fantasy of some definitely intimate sexual behavior, heavy making out, (though maybe not blatant intercourse) in a situation (darkened park, big party, whatever) where other couples are doing the same thing. I think this fantasy is a sort of picture of stuff I saw going on in high school but didn’t participate in, since DH and I were well-behaved Christian youth, but there is the element of the forbidden fruit we never got to try and I kind of want to try it.

      I would appreciate leaving the right or wrong discussion for another question; right now I’m interested in how many of us think alike. I have some other aspects of the discussion I will bring up in future questions, too. Thanks.

      Reply

      • Liverr August 27, 2019

        Would love to be in same room as another couple – lights on watching , listening and appreciating the beauty of a cpl in love

        Reply

    • humbled August 27, 2019

      I hope you will raise the right/wrong at some point.

      Reply

      • Duchess August 27, 2019

        I will, I promise!

        Reply

        • SongOfAngels August 28, 2019

          Oh, i forgot to leave in my comments about that i’ve watched porn in the past. That is very sinful and no excuse for it.

          Reply

      • SeekingChange August 29, 2019

        Why must she? The vast majority here understand the right and wrong of things. If you feel it’s such a need, why don’t you address it in your own question?

        Reply

    • SongOfAngels August 27, 2019

      I will be brave enough to comment with the caveat that this is only FANTASY and not something i would probably act on IRL. I also try to take every thought captive but i will admit to some fantasies that “spark” me.

      I have already admitted voyeurism, i have watched porn before (i am female) and it very much arouses me (depending on what i watched, i’ve turned off the “vile” stuff) so i would have to say the possibility of watching another heterosexual couple would arouse me although i’ve never done that in real life and actually, i don’t know if, in real life, i would watch to completion before i became embarrassed and left.

      I don’t think i would want someone else watching me although the idea of being filmed for personal use does but it would never ever happen because of body image issues (another example of fantasy that would never play out in reality)

      The imagining of proximity can be arousing but only because i like the sound of sex, i don’t think i actually would want to BE in the same room with another couple having it (different from voyeurism, i guess).

      i have other fantasies namely one that i help myself get aroused with my husband (nothing involving another person) that would probably be weird to some or maybe even sinful but i don’t guilt myself over it, frankly.

      Reply

      • Duchess August 27, 2019

        Thank you for being brave! We are absolutely talking fantasy ONLY here, with the clear understanding that (unless otherwise stated) we don’t necessarily intend to act on any of it. I just want to see how common this idea of allowing our sex lives to nudge up against that of others is (because I believe and predict it is probably more common than we think) so that we can explore what about it appeals to us. Maybe understanding the reasons behind such a (theoretically) common fantasy will help someone keep it from turning into a sinful reality or help an adventurous married couple discover a way to live out a fantasy without sin. After all, the brain is the biggest sex organ.

        Reply

      • Liverr August 27, 2019

        See above comment

        Reply

    • shortman August 28, 2019

      I most definitely have voyeuristic tendencies, although I know it would be wrong for me, I’ve been a voyeur AND fascinated with the female body and it’s wonders AND one who struggles with pornography since I found one of my dad’s “girlie” magazines at about the age of 7. It was tame stuff by today’s standards, just black and white photos of nude women ( pubic area hidden, of course), but it awakened the dragon, so to speak.

      I have no interest in being watched.

      The proximity scenario did not interest me at first, but with further thought it sounds appealing and could very well be a turn on for me.

      The only closely related fantasy I have is that I like to watch US when we ML. I’m the guy who wants to install lots more mirrors in the boudoir. I’d also like to make our own home movie, strictly for my/our own private viewing.

      Reply

      • Duchess August 28, 2019

        “The proximity scenario did not interest me at first, but with further thought it sounds appealing”–I apologize if this line of inquiry has opened a door for you that you eventually decide should not have been opened. That was not my intention at all! Please don’t let this discussion be a stumbling block for you.

        Reply

        • shortman August 28, 2019

          No need for the apology, duchess, but many thanks for your concern. Yes, it did open a door for me and caused me to consider the scenario, obviously, but I will be on guard to no let it go any further.

          Reply

          • SongOfAngels August 28, 2019

            i never thought of this topic opening up a possible stumbling block. i wanted to be totally open about what i entertain in my mind sometimes and i am very interested that others, Christians especially, feel this way too. Since i joined TMB i have learned that there are a lot of things that aren’t sin and can be enjoyed… i come from a background of abuse so it would be very easy for me to see even sex as something wicked or dirty.
            TMB has helped enormously with my awakening and i do find this kind of topic useful however i also do really believe that one has to keep ones fantasies in check if the Holy Spirit is prompting them to do so.
            I know Jesus said if one looks upon a woman with lust…. i take it that being tempted isn’t a sin but acting upon it is. Sometimes there is a grey area in what turns us on and if it is “right” or not.

            Reply

    • Elevation August 28, 2019

      I am a recovering voyeur because my curiosity can get me in trouble. At times, I do have the urge to watch other couples and their responses yet the Lord has helped me to give up this area. The temptation is always there especially in the techno age we live in and when there are reports of a sex tape being released involving well-known stars.

      Reply

      • Duchess August 28, 2019

        Thank you for your vulnerability Elevation. I can also find myself in trouble because of a natural curiosity (about everything, not just sex), and you are right–technology makes it so very easy to feed that curiosity. I said feed instead of satisfy because it’s never really satisfied, is it? That’s why rabbit trails exist; there’s always more to learn! Anyway, I hope this discussion does not interfere in any way with your conviction and decision to obey the Lord. My aim is ultimately to encourage obedience, not sin and an analytical approach seemed like a good idea. (I hope I’m not wrong!)

        Reply

    • InBed August 28, 2019

      I know it’s fantasy , but I do have a fantasy of my husband watching me in bed with another man. I guess that makes me more of an exhibitionist. I also find it arousing to think of watching another couple have sex, and I do admit that I find porn arousing.

      Reply

      • BroadSword August 28, 2019

        Similarly, I’ve had the fantasy of watching my wife in bed with another man.

        Reply

        • HMG17 November 11, 2019

          I also share the fantasy of watching my wife in bed with another man

          Reply

    • Empowered August 28, 2019

      I’ll be the first to admit I have strong voyeuristic tendencies and the thought of watching another couple have sex is very arousing to me.

      Reply

    • one_woman_man August 28, 2019

      I have a high level of curiosity for many things. But watching another couple is not one of them. Nor is being seen while making love.
      My intrigue is with the beauty of the female body but also with the great variety that God has come up with.

      Reply

    • GeorgeB August 29, 2019

      I some voyeuristic tendencies, but mine is mainly on the exhibitionist side. I enjoy the thought of being erect and being seen and admired. I’ve had enough accidental incidents over the years to feed that fantasy quite strongly, so I have to be extra mindful and careful.

      Reply

    • Headliner September 4, 2019

      I have strong voyeuristic fantasies too.

      Reply

    • Penny November 22, 2019

      Being honest about this topic is indeed brave. Most people care more about how they are perceived by others than honesty. Many sexual things are embarrassing to reveal. Yes like almost everyone I am voyeur. No I don’t think it’s wrong in any way to watch others. In proximity or on video. I believe we are wired that way and our only choice is what we do about it.

      Reply

      • Scott+Zelda January 6, 2020

        In case anyone reads the comment from “Penny” and thinks this line of reasoning is common on TMB:

        “Penny” was problem maker that used several sock puppets to cause a variety of problems at TMB before eventually getting banned.

        Reply

    • Happily married March 30, 2020

      I am just catching this thread and want to cast my vote. I would say I am all three Voyeur who would watch to completion, exhibitionist engaging in and excited by others who might be watching and proximity being with another couple or couples at the same time although I would admit that I would also be watching while doing. The inherent risk in the last one is not turning it into an orgy of swapping. I believe that is wrong. The other fantasy I would add would be for my wife to do all three with me. I wouldn’t want to do it alone and would be aroused that she might be turned on by it as well.

      Reply

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