01/07/2021 – Today’s Question of the Day
DW and I have totally different personalities. She’s extremely extroverted (and at times can be very blunt) while I’m extremely introverted and think carefully through everything I do and say. In a way, it helps balance us out. She’s willing to go and do things outside of the house that charge her up that would normally drain me.
The interesting thing is that the longer we have been married, she’s become less extroverted and I’ve become slightly less introverted.
Another interesting thing–while she’s more extroverted with others, she is an avoider when it comes to discussing serious issues and becomes drained by discussing them. On the flipside, I’m the one who wants to discuss and figure out how to work things out together.
The first 5 years of our marriage, these differences hindered us. We both ignored our differences and essentially lived our own two separate lives. If I didn’t want to go hang out with a bunch of people, I’d stay home while she went off with a bunch of her friends. It was harmful for both of us. But after both of us maturing and working out things together, we have used our differences to make sacrifices and compliment each other.
She grew up on a farm, loves the outdoors, and loves to be out and active when she has free time in the summer. I have allergies, hate dirt, like to keep my hands clean and safe because I’m a musician, and would prefer to nap or vege in front of the TV with nothing to do…or at least, when trying to avoid doing something. We’re both introverts but she’s got a little extrovert and people skills than I do so she’s more social and relational than I am. It just comes easier and more natural to her.
DW is more impulsive whereas I’m a thinker. I will research how to do/use it, where the best deal is and patient enough to wait for it. Drives her crazy with how methodical I can be. DW will “shoot and ask questions later” when it comes to tackling projects….which can cost money in the long run. I like money and she’s got some of it because of my personality. 😀 (I’m seeing it used more because…er…well…she’s a woman.). Truthfully, she’s not a big spender, quite thrifty and frugal and creative. She just likes to spend more than I do. She’s into experiences. I like experiences too and more willing to spend money on them IF said experiences & purchases involve nice food, sex, sex toys & furniture, or Apple products. 😆
DW & I are still earlier in our marriage than some of you and trying to navigate some of these things. We did more stupid in our first marriages so we’re hoping to avoid some of those young and stupid bungles. (Then again, I tend to have “Foot-in-Mouth” Disease more than some others so I’m not sure about that!) 😀
Marriage experts say the honeymoon phase in a second marriage starts about the 7th year so we still have to survive a few more years with each other to get there.
DH and I have opposite personalities, but our tastes are the same. I am still convinced that opposites attract.
DH is quiet and laid back, I am the opposite. Lol we would both be in much worse shape were it not for the other. OTOH he can be a bit impulsive, whereas I am not. I think through and research my plan. By the time I bring it up, it’s well planned out.
I am efficient, DH is not. DH also likes being with people, I don’t as much. That has been the cause of many discussions. He doesn’t mind going somewhere for an evening and staying late. I hate staying away til 11. I don’t know that he loves to stay away late, he just can’t get out of his cozy chair and leave. This one hasn’t been totally solved yet. When going somewhere my famous last words are, ‘lets remember we don’t have to stay all night’. DH’s remark is, ‘we never stay all night. Do you think we could ever go somewhere without you saying that?’
I’m a no nonsense person, he’s a lot more tolerant of people. He trusts most everyone, I trust almost no one. He gives people second or third or tenth chances. I don’t. Trust is hard earned with me.
I love hard, manual labor. He always looks for an easier way. Many are the times I’ll say to DH that I would like to build this or do that. He’ll say to go ahead, as long as he doesn’t have to as it’s too much work. Our little joke is that he provides the fine tuning and I do all the labor. Now this is for my stuff. He is a hard worker and provides a great living. He just doesn’t see the necessity in make-work projects, whereas that’s what helps my sanity.
DH likes to spend money more than I do. But, we both love to pay off debt and mostly agree when purchasing large items for our business.
DH is very meticulous. I am in certain areas. I like to say that some things he does, because he is more particular. There are other things I do because I am more particular in that area.
As for tastes, we like the same colors, style of house, our business end of things, clothes, share one hobby, etc.
- Likes things clean
- Reader, learns all she can about every topic, intelligence off the charts
- Being on time is NOT important
- Lower sex drive
- Extrovert, although someone said the definition of this is wanting to be with people and that fulfills you. This is not something I crave but I am more of an extrovert than my wife for sure
- I’m a neat freak, hate clutter
- Not a reader per se, but love watching and playing sports
- Organized and on top of everything (For example I pay the bills in the family household)
- Like to be 5 minutes early
- Higher sex drive
So, some of our differences do complement each other well i.e. her intelligence and being able to read all complicated situations like an open book and myself being on top of bill paying because she would just procrastinate such things. However, we have struggled with our differences throughout our marriage. Our house is perpetuately cluttered. I like neat. I used to say things to her about this but it was a sore spot in our marriage so I stopped. DW knows how I feel. It’s up to her to change. Throughout our marriage we have been late to events due to it not being important to DW. I like to be early. Nearly every Sunday I miss the worship portion of the service because we are late leaving the house. Singing is my favorite part of the service. And, finally, high drive vs. low drive in sex desire. We’ve come to a compromise with regular, scheduled sex. If not for this, I fear it just would not happen, at least as regular as I would like it.
- Likes things ‘clean’ (no dirt on counter tops, floors, etc.) but is not bothered by clutter
- Gets things done quickly (does not procrastinate)
- Lower sex drive
- Not a precise user of language
- Hate clutter
- I tend to procrastinate
- High sex drive
- Over think every word I say and try to be very precise in how I use language
Our sex drive difference has obviously caused issues in the past, though we have reached a happy place now that she can O. The most conflict in our marriage has come from the different way we use language; I sometimes totally misunderstand her, and I take so much time making a point that it is hard for her to follow me sometimes. We are also working through this, but it some ways it was easier fixing the sex problem than dealing with our different communication styles.
My wife and I are definitely alike in more ways than we are different, and that includes some of the flaws in our character/behavior. Especially with things like finances/jobs, managing things at home/kids. I sometimes think that if we were a little more different from each other, we’d each be able to push the other in the right direction on the things that need to change. But we’re too much alike in the faulty areas and so it’s easy for us both to get into our own personal echo chamber where we accomplish nothing. At least we get along well because of it, lol. Beats being in conflict I suppose.