05/28/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day

When you first introduced your spouse to your parents, what was their reaction? Were they welcoming and happy to meet them?

What about when you first met your spouse’s parents?

 

BONUS QUESTION: How is your relationship with your in-laws today?

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17 Answer(s)

    My parents first met him at a parents weekend in college.  He hung out with us for the weekend, and they liked him….. and still like him.

    I first met his parents when a group of us from college went to his stomping grounds and went skating… they came to the rink to see him, all I really remember is his mom hugging me.  They liked me from the beginning.

    We lost my fil just a few years into our marriage, so it’s only been my mil for 22 years and his sisters…. their ways and my ways are totally different, I have learned how to be at peace and to cope when I am around them, I step back and let my husband be the decision maker and middle man between us.  We know that we can’t have a visit any longer than 3 days with them.  I never felt like I really became part of the family.  I made sure my dil has had a totally different experience.

    Under the stars Answered on May 28, 2020.
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      Both sets of parents were joyful to simply very encouraging.  They have  passed on now, but have always had a healthy and positive relationship.  That is not to say we did not have issues to discuss with them at various times, but there was nothing that was not resolved.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on May 28, 2020.
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        My dad was open and welcoming but my mom was friendly but cold. This chill lasted until we got married. Then there was a thaw with a lot of highs and lows. Until the end before my mom died when things were pretty stable and we controlled the visits because my mom was in a hospital or long term care facility.

        Bonus: I get along well with my in-laws. We are pretty good friends and can bounce ideas of how to do things off each other. I help my FIL with his computer issues and he helps me with car issues – mainly borrowing tools. I love my MIL she takes care of me as if I was one of her sons. My wife and my dad get along quite well almost like a father and daughter.

        Queen bed Answered on May 28, 2020.
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          We met both sets of parents the same day at different times.  My in-laws needed to store a vehicle for the winter and brought it over and had a brief introduction as they were in route to AZ. We then went over to my Grandfather’s house to meet my parents to help them do some cleaning as my grandfather had recently passed away.  Both sets of parents were receptive and welcoming. My parents especially took a liking to her right away and have always liked her, but then my DW can get along with anyone – that’s her personality.  Like SC, I enjoy time with my in-laws, but the stay is short on purpose.  The step fil is very opinionated and self-centered and when challenged it’s easy to get on his bad list. He’s easy to talk to about real surface things like favorite restaurants or his motorcycle, but anything deeper and the conversation turns south quickly.  When they are in the state, he has made no effort to get together or spend time with his grandson, which has been disappointing.  If it happens, my wife has to initiate the contact and we always go there. In 17 years of marriage I can count on one hand with some fingers left over how many times they have been to our home.  Now my mil has dementia and that makes it all the more challenging. My mom passed away 10 years ago, so it’s just been my dad, who enjoys our visits because he has someone else to drink coffee with in the morning. 🙂

          On the floor Answered on May 28, 2020.
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            I think all of the parents seemed to approve of us at the initial meeting. Don’t remember any issues at all.

            We now live next door to my in-laws on their farm. I probably get along better with them than my wife does. 🙂 MIL is fantastic with all the grandkids. It’s like a second home for them and they just come and go as they please. FIL and I work together around the property often.

            My wife and my folks get along, but things are more limited. My wife is very formal and not much on chit chat. My mother, however, likes to visit and talk forever so she seems to favor my SIL who is more down to earth and laid back than my wife.

            California King Answered on May 28, 2020.
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              My parents were rather cold towards DH. They knew one of his brothers really well and didn’t like him very much. So I guess it sort of biased them. Now they love DH and treat him like a son. As far as that goes, DH is opposite in every single way, from his brother.

              FIL was somewhat cold toward me because someone had told him I was like FIL’s only daughter and he said the family didn’t need 2 of those. So that, along with another major issue, dampened any relationship we might have had. I don’t feel things were ever settled, before he left this earth, although I tell DH I am not sure what there was to settle. MIL completely accepted me and I feel accepted by the whole inlaw clan, as well.

              Under the stars Answered on May 28, 2020.
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                A question that opens up old wounds, but here goes . . .

                My Dad, who’s been gone a year now, got along with everyone. My Mom, otoh, is highly paranoid and suspicious, and took an immediate dislike to DH. Partly, because he was from a Catholic family and his ethnicity. 🙄 A year and a half later when we got engaged, there were no congratulations. I think after we married and had kids, she finally realized she’d better change her attitude. My husband is very cordial with her and I’m a dutiful daughter, but we’ve never had the relationship that I have with my own daughters.

                My in-laws liked me fine upon meeting. My MIL never seemed to want a close relationship with me (She told me to call her by her first name, not ‘Mom,’ because she said she had enough people calling her that). She was just never a warm person to anyone, including her own children/grandkids. My FIL was the kind of person who never gave a straight answer and was highly opinionated, so I found it difficult to have a meaningful conversation with him. He’s gone now and MIL has dementia, so she doesn’t even know who we are.

                We’ve succeeded in having loving relationships with our kids and their spouses, so lessons were learned.

                On the floor Answered on May 28, 2020.

                I feel with you, Lucky. I also work very hard to have relarionships with our children. My goal is to make sure they know they are loved unconditionally. No children in law yet, but that is very important to me, that they will feel our love and acceptance and not be scared of us. Any advice, please let me know.

                on May 28, 2020.

                We welcome them into our home and treat them as our own. I’m just as likely to text my SIL or DIL as I am their spouse (my child). I try to include them in holiday planning, such as asking what dishes they enjoy. They’ve both made their own family specialties and brought over to share. My DIL is from another part of the world and English is her second language, so I’ve tried to learn some words and incorporate a few of her customs into our family celebrations.

                Our kids know they can always turn to us as needed. I tend to be the listener and spiritual/emotional support person and DH is the life coach and financial advisor.

                on May 29, 2020.

                That’s awesome, Lucky! Thats exactly what we hope to be like when welcoming inlaws into the family!

                on May 29, 2020.

                It’s truly a blessing to have more ‘children’ added to our family.

                on May 30, 2020.

                @LiL: I certainly liked reading what you just wrote about your children and their spouses. I desire to have our relationship with our kids be like that as they grow up.

                -Scott

                on June 2, 2020.
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                  My parents really liked my DW right off the bat. As well, her parents and I got along right from the start. Over the 29 years of our marriage, we enjoyed many activities with both sets of parents, including lots of vacations, birthdays, holidays, birthdays, and both sets of parents really enjoyed being grandparents to our kids.

                  My mom passed 2 years ago, and now my dad and her parents live in (different) senior facilities about 15 minutes from our house. I really feel blessed to have had such a good relationship with my parents and in-laws

                  On the floor Answered on May 29, 2020.
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                    My mom met my future wife after a school dance. I’d taken a different girl (just as friends), and we were giving my now wife a ride home after the dance. I dropped my date off first because of where she lived, and then ended up talking for awhile with DW. We came back to my house to sit and chat and my mom came downstairs and wondered what happened to my date. Don’t really remember when my dad met her, but they liked her at first, then were unsure about her as our relationship grew more serious, but now they love her as a daughter.

                    I met my in laws at different times because they live in different states. They have always liked me as far as I know.

                    On the floor Answered on May 28, 2020.
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                      My experiences are unusual, I guess. Because my husband and I were friends for several years before we started dating we actually already knew each other’s families very well. I met his family before I met him.

                      My family have always liked him and he gets along well with my parents and my siblings. (But really, he gets along well with nearly everyone.) My mom even told him over Easter that he’s one of her favorite kids 😂

                      My in-laws are… different. Apparently both of them told my husband not to marry any of the girls in my family (I have several sisters) when they first met us. That was long before we started dating. I don’t know why.

                      They both appear to like me now and they have told me many times that they are glad that we are married. My FIL is a good person and we get along fairly well. My MIL is a challenging person. We do not see eye to eye and I doubt that we ever will. She does not understand the concept of boundaries and has told me multiple times that she will “train me to stop being introverted.” My husband gets along extremely well with his dad and not well with his mom.

                      Double bed Answered on May 28, 2020.
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