06/03/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day
As a man I wrestle with lust daily. Loving my wife and only my wife is an act of the Holy Spirit.
It’s hard to keep my focus on one woman.
Do I find our marriage erotic and arousing? Absolutely yes.
But the idea? No. At least not in my sinful flesh.
My flesh would prefer to nail every hot butt in yoga pants I see around town. That’s my natural desire. That’s why porn has the power it does? Do I want to be intimate with pornstar A or pornstar B? Why not both? Let’s throw pornstar C in there too. The more the merrier.
But the Word of God, my spirit, and common sense really tells me that that is a path of destruction, in this life and the next. And that what is naturally erotic is sinful, but that the pleasure and intimacy and vulnerability in a committed marriage is better, blessed by its creator and worth cultivating for decades to come, and will fill my heart, rather than bore out its center.
Yes. I do find the idea of monogamy arousing. A lot of it comes down to what Scott said, “no one else gets to tap this”. No other man gets to see the beautiful curves of her naked body, kiss her lips, touch her breasts, or enter the oasis of her vagina. I am the only man who gets the pleasure of bringing her enormous delight with my body and she is the only one to bring me such ecstasy.
Whenever we do doggy style there is a great feeling of the togetherness and belonging which comes with monogamy. Her bending over says to me that she wants me to be her man , to pleasure her, and to be besotted only with her. Then as I “mount” my woman, thrust into her with passion, and ejaculate into her I feel as if I have claimed her in front of the entire world.
Another angle is the fact that we will be able have sex with each other for the rest of our lives and the intimate knowledge we have about each other will continue to grow. *
*As an update to my previous thread my erection issues have gotten better. Still gonna call the urologist and set an appointment but with Covid-19 it may be a while.
Yes. I do too find the idea of monogamy very exciting and arousing. We were both virgins until marriage. It is exciting to know that I am the only man who can see her naked, open her vagina, taste , smell her vagina and insert my penis in her vagina . I am sure she feels the same, that she is the only woman that can hold, touch, kiss and suck my penis and fill her vagina with my penis and semen.
It is a great feeling every time I spread her vagina lips to penetrate my penis to know that her vagina is filled by my penis since the night of our marriage till now. That her vagina is filled with only my semen for all these years. Still love the missionary position when my penis is deep inside her, feel masculine that I have ejaculated inside her,
Interesting thought. I would suggest that God never intended eroticism to be thought of in any other way outside of monogamous marriage. So to those who do not associate monogamy with eroticism, does that illustrate a worldly association with the word instead, or just a disassociation of marriage and sexual excitement? Why would we not associate eroticism with marriage?
There are certainly many parts (literal and figurative) of my wife that inspire eroticism for me. Not every part of our relationship does that, but the idea, the health of the relationship as a whole, is a major component of our sexual relationship. As often discussed here, if the relationship is not vibrant and healthy, the sexual component, eros defined, is not going to be vibrant or healthy.
I can’t say I’ve given it substantial thought and I’m not sure I find it erotic. But it is arousing in knowing what your spouse likes and being able to do that for them at an ‘expert level’ as I find self-confidence a turn on. And the other way around, it’s a total turn on that someone else knows my body perfectly and what makes it tick.
So I guess there’s a comfort level in familiarity which is arousing to me. TBH, the thought of starting over sexually with someone else is exhausting to me!
Thanks for your honesty on this topic.
However, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from with the lust/porn thing. BTDT and will honestly probably have to fight it the rest of my life. In fact, one major fantasy I have had may be a step worse than that and concerns my wife having sex with another man, specifically one that is highly attractive, well endowed, and vastly superior to me in the bedroom (and beating me in all three of those is pretty easy I’m sure). I don’t actually want that, and I’m sure the reality of it would not be like the fantasy, but that’s still been in my head at times and caused arousal.
Despite that, I certainly get aroused by the monogamy of our relationship, and I really wander if the arousal I get from that is a natural way to fight the more sinful/destructive/self-deprecating thoughts I have. Certainly, putting the good into my mind helps push the evil out.
Just some thoughts…
As for my answer i don’t think i’ve ever considered the question. I do love sex and love it with my husband but do not think i would EVER want it with someone else. Not saying that i don’t certainly see other men as attractive and even have to look the other way (i don’t get this..only men are visual nonsense) but i don’t know…i don’t see it as erotic but then again i wouldn’t be with someone else for sure… it’s all good to me, i don’t wrestle with if our sex is “hot” enough or has enough variety (well… we simply cannot due to physical reasons).
As far as fantasies IN bed…i absolutely employ them whether i should or not. I can’t worry about that at this point and i don’t guilt trip myself. I’m not talking about fantasies with anyone else to “get me there” but i do have fantasies that allow me to get to orgasm. My husband already knows them and i keep it in my head rather than watch it on TV which is where they come from.
Do I find the idea of monogamy with your spouse to be erotic and/or arousing? Yes, in some ways I do. It implies closeness and acceptance. And there are certain moments when it adds an extra dimension of our intimate life. For example, when DW holds my penis it looks kind of… really sexy, with her wearing her wedding ring. Also when she masturbates.
I definitely say erotic. First. her body is all mine!
Second, I know her body and know what it takes to bring her to O. It does not seem like fun to have to go through that with someone new, And it also seems like it would be a lot of work to try to do that in a 3-some or some other multi-partner experience.
Anything I can imagine someone else doing to me, I can imagine my wife doing to me *better*