06/09/2020 – Today’s Question(s) of the Day
1) small change WOULD improve? I know this isn’t small, but the first thing that came to mind was this: Sin less and love more! I have room for improvement there!
And now a small thing: That we would truly listen to each other. Don’t get me wrong, we do listen. But after 30+ years together it is easy to think that you already know what the other is thinking or will say, without considering the fact that they might say or want something different this time!
2) small change DID improve? Love DW the way she wants to be loved. I think it took almost a decade to learn that! It is easier to love her the way I want to be loved. But then she doesn’t feel loved as much as she should!
#1 small change that would improve: My DW realizing that she’s a contributor to our problems and being willing to read blogs or listen to podcasts to work on her issues
#2 small change that DID improve our marriage: Me taking all of the pressure off sex; no asking for sex nor asking for specific things. We’re still early in the process and the quantity is the same, but the quality is much better.
1. One small change would be to BOTH approach our scheduled sex night as ‘oh good. We get to have sex again’ versus ‘its time again. We need to do something tonight’.
2. We have ( mostly!!!) learned to discuss things without them ALWAYS turning into big disagreements like what used to happen. And that neither of our ideas are right or wrong. Just different.
1) small change WOULD improve? the two of us finding a few more activities/hobbies that we could enjoy together
2) small change DID improve? making sure the first 15 minutes and interactions with the family are positive and not bring the frustrations of the day or letting what I observe as I walk in the door bother me and impact those initial interactions.
#1 – A small change that WOULD improve our marriage.
This is an easy one that both of us agree on–going to bed earlier. We tend to have better conversations in bed, the increased sleep would benefit our entire family, and it would give us the opportunity to do more “exploration” on nights we have sex if we so chose.
#2 – A small change that we DID to improve our marriage.
Started doing chores together. This is a great way to fill up her love tank, as her #1 love language is quality time. She even gets more out of doing the chores together than me doing them for her.
1. For our kids to go to bed earlier. With school not happening this spring and now it being summer break, they are up late and it’s harder for us to get alone time.
2. When I decided to do kind and generous things for DW every chance I got, not to earn her affection, appreciation, or sex, but simply to love and serve her. Has made our marriage so much better!
@LBD -yes , small is subjective…and yet how many people could improve their relationships by just changing one or two small things? And when noticed by a HEALTHY spouse or friend, would lead to them being more loving and changing one or two small things.
Small like saying thank you? Like picking up ones socks, underwear, hair in the sink, dishes or food? Doing the dishes? Small like opening car doors? Filling up the others gas tank? Expressing appreciation for their provision? Work around the house?
If a small spark can start a forest fire, why couldn’t small changes over time be noticed instead of blaming or waiting for the other person to change? Notice I did say “healthy” above because I believe healthy people will respond in kind. I also believe unconditional love can melt hardened hearts. With that said, sometimes unhealthy people need a doses of boundaries, tough love, and interventions with counselors to address deep seeded issues and behavior.