06/4/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day
I am more of an analytical type of person and like to think things through and be creative. So, a lot of thought goes into sexuality, our marriage bed, and our relationship. DW is much more emotive and responsive. However that doesn’t equate to her being spontaneous and innovative. That is much more my role. So, I seek to be thoughtful and cognisant of her desires, needs, etc. in making plans for or introducing ideas in our marriage bed. There isn’t much leaping on my part. But initiating and innovating? Yes. 😀
When I leap, it looks impulsive. However, its been very well thought out. If I haven’t thought it out ahead of time, I am fairly sure it will work out, when I make the leap.
DH is opposite. He isn’t impulsive either, but he rarely makes any leap! He likes the tried and true.
That is how it plays out in the MB. Its generally me bringing up the new ideas, etc. He is happy to just let my ideas roll, LOL. Most of the time he likes them, once in awhile he doesn’t.
I am analytical to a fault sometimes. I suffer often from “analysis paralysis.” Mainly I don’t want to make a mistake. Yet, I have also been accused of being too aggressive with change, both in job and relationship. Over my years of experience I have learned that change is often good, even is uncomfortable at the time. Doesn’t mean I like it, but I am not set against it either.
My wife is similar, but less accepting of change.
@LBD–Analysis paralysis–PERFECT!! That is so me! I am definitely an over thinker. BUT, every now and then I just don’t have the energy to be me and will hold my breath and leap. Not big leaps. Nothing that will break a bone, but it’s always terrifying. I don’t do it often.
DH is also an analyzer. He does not become paralyzed like I do, but then he mostly falls back on “Whatever you think is fine, dear.”
I don’t know that it really affects our MB. Maybe makes us a little slower to get around to the things we’ve talked about doing. Probably does.
I am definitely a “think before I act” person, and my husband is the other extreme who is very impulsive. But, in our marriage and marriage bed, he has learned that I don’t like surprises and don’t handle that impulsiveness well, when it directly affects me. When new things are desired, I have to have time to think about it and process it.
How this works out well in our marriage bed is I do tend to think things through, and I am very perceptive, taking in his desires and knowing what he likes, so I introduce them, as I am prepared for them, and he gets the surprise and it feeds his impulsive, spontaneous side. It allows for me to step out of my comfort zone, while still finding some security in having a little control. He gets enough of his spontaneous/impulsive needs met by my initiation of various things (his dreams and desires), that he does well at being patient with our differences.
My DW and I seek to be those who think before leaping. Although there are rare times when we have and will become impulsive. We have become less impulsive in the bedroom as we have aged. Sex is planed and that would seem rigid and yet the other side of the coin is that sex is expected and delivered. What we buy for, and what we do, in our marriage bed is within our pre-arranged planned confines. But on the other hand, that is not to say that those things are not anything less than fantastic and immensely satisfying for both of us. I would like to plan and do more and we are often talking about those things. Some of them we will eventually do.
I’m more analytical, I want to look at all the angles and the impact, conceivably longterm impact of each of those decisions, etc. DW on the other hand, likes action and making a quick decision, so she is more likely to leap before me in real life. Sometimes that’s good and other times, not so much which can be a little contentious at times for both of us.
I don’t think they impact the marriage bed. In the MB, I’m much more likely to be creative and want try new things, to dive in quickly whereas she is more reserved and less likely to take a leap to try something new compared to me.
We are both analytical, and probably extreme by most people’s standards. Things like me having a spreadsheet tracking all my running (exercise) for over 17 years with all sorts of cool graphs. A similar spreadsheet for finances that is 15 years old. As the converse of what @PPK said, this meticulousness has helped to put us in a fantastic situation financially despite not having a lifetime income that is anything special.
In the MB, I enjoy what we have, but the analytical mindset might make it robotic by others’ standards. We are often efficient and stick with the most effective things. The over analysis of new things can hinder their introduction too. For instance, from first bringing it up to actually using them was about 2 months for the vibrator introduction, and that does not even include the weeks/months I spent reading about them and their usage in Christian MB’s! They sat in a drawer for weeks, then we tested them on our arms one time, then a few more weeks before actual use. On the bright side, my analytical side means I can tell you exactly how many times my DW has O’d since their introduction (meaning exactly how many times she has O’d in her life other than wet dreams).
There are plusses/minuses to both mindsets.
We are both very calculated in life around lots of decisions thinking/analyzing before doing. That’s especially true for my wife because of the type of work she does. She needs to analyze before acting. In the TMB I would say I’m a mixture of both, thinking or planning some things at times, like the ambiance/mood, etc. while others times it’s in the moment – what do I want or want do I want to do for my wife.