07/09/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day

    Generally, are you an optimist, pessimist, or a realist? Is your spouse the same or the opposite of you?

    How do these qualities affect your marriage bed?

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    12 Answer(s)

      Me – realist

      Her – realist

      I think one problem with being a realist is that with something we don’t/didn’t have a lot of background in, such as our MB/sex, our “reasonable conclusions” are very limited or outright incorrect. Case in point–neither one of us knew much about female response and O’s coming into marriage and quickly deduced that getting DW an O was borderline impossible. The best tools we had in our arsenal (e.g. oral sex) weren’t enough, we’d been told only a fraction of women could O, concluded she can’t/won’t, give up and done…

      We probably also miss a few opportunities for awesome sex because we are realists. Those spontaneous moments where if we’d just dive in we’d find the other felt the same way and would just romp it out. Again, realism is awesome but is limited by the input knowledge. GIGO I suppose.

      On the plus side, realism has kept us from doing some really dumb stuff. No hospital trips, massively hurt feelings from overly optimistic expectations, etc. There are advantages/disadvantages to all three approaches. I do wonder if we both have a bit a pessimism in us though…

      -Scott

      Under the stars Answered on July 9, 2020.
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        I’m the optimist around here, although maybe closer to a realist. DH is a pessimist, and feels its his job to make sure I’m not too optimistic, LOL. I tell him its not his job, to try and empty the half full glass of my mind, but thats rather hard for him to grasp.

        It affects our marriage bed in that if something doesn’t work like planned/expected, than thats just the way it will always be, according to his thinking. So, in my way of thinking, lets keep trying and not let one time rule that area for the rest of our lives!

        This subject leads to some intense discussions, mostly not about the marriage bed, but in many other areas.

        Under the stars Answered on July 9, 2020.
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          I am a consistent realist but I also believe that “God has our back” on the basis of His revealed Word and the results of our walk with Him over the course of our marriage.    DW is a consistent optimist, until recently even to the point of sometimes denial or seeing positives that I don’t think are really there…

          Our roles have been scrambled up the past 4.5 months (COVID, racial unrest, etc.) where she seems to fixate on the almost consistently negative news and I remind her that “God has our back” and that He doesn’t want us quaking in fear…. use common sense, continue to treat all others with respect, and let God handle the rest.

          I don’t think that either of our default mindsets has much to do with our MB…  she’s happy the way it is (vanilla but plentiful) and still doesn’t understand why I want more flavors…

          Fell out of ... Answered on July 9, 2020.
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            I am a steady realist…I keep optimism and pessimism in check. My husband seems to swing to the extremes. His nature is to be more optimistic but he sure can get into some pessimistic funks.

            Our marriage bed may be affected by this in that I don’t really create high expectations and I am fine when things don’t go as hoped. It’s easy to shrug off misfires. It’s easy to laugh at mistakes and awkward moments. For him, the optimism probably keeps him striving for more variety and new or fresh things.

            Under the stars Answered on July 9, 2020.
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              I’m an optimist. DW is somewhere between a realist and pessimist. She conceives of what could go wrong and plans for it in hopes of mitigating the effects.

              In terms of our marriage bed, lately her notions of possible problems (Especially kids overhearing us) have put a damper on things. All the stress of COVID and what school may look like in the fall also have her analyzing and overthinking things, which is adding stress for both of us. That increases my libido (me: sex is stress relief!) and decreases hers (DW: how can you even think about sex when life is this stressful?!?). These are interesting times…

              On the floor Answered on July 9, 2020.
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                My wife is the optimist in life and that balances me out as she is such an encourager although she can slide a bit into being a realist. I tend to swing between being a realist and a pessimist (depending on the situation or event), but can just as easily be an optimist. In TMB I am the optimist while she tends to be the realist. Maybe that goes to my willingness to be more adventurous where she is less likely to take a risk.

                On the floor Answered on July 9, 2020.
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                  Me, an Optimist and Mrs. Oldbear, a Realist. These qualities don’t affect our marriage bed at all. They do work in harmony within our marriage. I encourage her in the challenges of life and she provides a pragmatic spin on things, keeping them in perspective. It keeps us on an even keel.

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 9, 2020.
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                    I’m the realist. DW is more a pessimist. But not extreme.

                    But sometimes, we switch! Depends what it is, and Mrs. OWM will very optimistic! Or, when it comes to dreaming and planning, I’m the optimist.

                    Under the stars Answered on July 9, 2020.
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                      Interesting question. I would say that in the long term I am an optimist because I do believe that God has our backs, however, that does not mean that life won’t be filled with lots of difficult trials. So, I guess I would say that overall I am a realist. My DW tends to be more of an optimist than I am and tends not to worry as much as I do.

                      With regard to our MB, we were both getting to the point where we did not know if DW would ever O. Her usual optimism was being frustrated by our lack of knowledge concerning what to do.  Now that we know it is possible for her to O, we are both more optimistic about our ability to continue to improve the quality of our sex life. The main issue now is DW seems happy with the lovemaking protocol we have come to establish, but I want her to expand the repertoire of positions and activities that can cause her to O.

                       

                      On the floor Answered on July 10, 2020.
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                        ME – I would say I’m a realist, wife my say I have definite pessimistic tendencies

                        HER – I believe she is an optimist, especially in comparison to me.

                         

                        Mmmm…I can only think of one situation like maybe she’ll think & plan that we’ll just make love later tonight after dinner, activities, long walk, sunset, etc, whereas I’m thinking, it’ll be a long day, date or meal, evening activities, long walk and I’m ready to go to bed by sunset, etc so I’m gonna be too tired. Happened last week on our getaway. :-/   (We made up for it the next morning.)

                        OK, one more. I struggle (probably a ghost from being previously married to a gatekeeper) that after we fight, she won’t want to make love and/or I shouldn’t ask because I blew it with her. She on the other hand will think, I want to make love to feel close and connected again.

                        Under the stars Answered on July 10, 2020.
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