08/13/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day
I can’t think of anything in my current marriage.
In my FIRST marriage, I wish I’d lead better, or shall I say, protected both of us from fooling around, while dating. It didn’t help us after marriage. This is one of the reasons I fought so hard to protect my current DW and I while dating. We entered our honeymoon with passion and purity which has lead us to awesome, regret-free and guilt-free sex after marriage this time around. I still marvel and celebrate that.
To me, this is always a tricky question… I regret multiple things, the biggest would be the sexual refusal years with what damage I caused and what I missed out on, especially around a pregnancies… but, the power of redemption and grace is a powerful thing. Would I look as much like Jesus as I do if I didn’t have that redemptive experience? I don’t think I would have the same grace, the same wisdom, the same understanding and definitely not have the ministry I do. Though I regret it, out of the bitterness all the more sweeter life is. Out of the mess ups all the greater grace is.
I wish I would have known a lot earlier, even one-half of what I now know! I would have understood Mrs. OWM more fully, been a better DH, handled perplexing situations with greater wisdom, and been a more generous and effective lover. While I don’t distain the learning experiences along the way, it sure feels better having some experience and knowledge in my marriage-bed tool box!
Rejection: how I have handled it, and somewhat still struggle handling, could have been much better before and could use improvement even now.
Leadership: when it started to become obvious that the rule of the lower desire was at work, I should have led better rather than ceding the leadership to my wife. Still have work to do in this arena. I guess that work never really ends…
Not seeking help in the first year of marriage when sex started to unravel. I was ashamed and scared to open up to anyone. I felt broken and the only sources I found for “help” were some Christian sex books that made things worse and heaped on more shame
When first married, I didn’t realize that my suggestion to bring in porn for ‘date nights’ would turn out the way it did. I am sure we would have had issues anyway, but more than once I sought it out for the both of us. It has been a long haul…God has worked in us, saved our marriage…and I am back here after some time away…the need for healing is not done.
As @SC said, this can be tricky because several things could be listed.
But I’ll go with the biggest one–I regret how I handled my porn addiction. Although I confessed porn to her within a few weeks of us dating and then stayed clear of it while dating/engaged, it took less than a year to pop back up once we were married (I think it was my second business trip while married). Instead of hiding it for 11.5 years, during which the problem got worse with time, I should have confessed my transgression then and there and stamped it out.
While the other regrets I have don’t directly tie in with this one, I do think they’re indirectly related because the same core attitude contributed to them all.