09/10/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day

In times of going through a stressful event together, do you and your spouse intentionally turn towards each other or turn away from each other?

If you’re willing, give an example.

California King Asked on September 10, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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12 Answer(s)

    I do but i’m an internal processor and i don’t cling or need a lot of intimacy unless i am really hurting and then i can always count on my husband as that is what drew me to him in the first place, his empathy and compassion.  Sexually no–it kind of stays the same but if there’s a tragedy or a trauma i withdraw sexually for a short time and he is fine with that..he would have to be and i’m glad he understands.

    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 12, 2020.
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      For little daily stresses, both of us can have a tendency to get wrapped up in just trying to deal with it and not want to be bothered.  I’m talking paperwork going missing, some minor repair not going well, the stuff that usually just requires concentration to get through it.

      If it’s a big thing, we definitely turn to each other–infertility, adoption, worries about DD, cancer scare, etc.

      One notable exception was during one of the darkest times of our infertility I made a huge mistake that I still regret. I don’t remember exactly what my DH did or didn’t do that prompted my bad response, but I do remember saying, “I need you to be strong for me right now!” I can still see the way he set his shoulders and took a deep breath and closed his emotion away, and some time (years) later when I was begging him to open up about something else we were struggling together against, he said he didn’t allow himself to feel things deeply because I needed him to be strong for me. That was SO NOT my intention!! I think we are past that now and he is working on being more open, but oh my gosh I have regretted that impulsive comment so many times!! Since then I try really hard to not say things when I’m upset that I wouldn’t want him to remember when I have calmed down.  (Don’t always succeed, the memory of that mistake does help me try!)

      Under the stars Answered on September 16, 2020.
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