09/30/2020 – Today’s Questions of the Day

Another analytical one today. On a scale of 0-10, how would you rank your and your spouse’s libidos? Do not adjust (geek speak “normalize”) for sex/gender.

How have these changed over the years, if at all?

Under the stars Asked on September 30, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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23 Answer(s)

    Me… a solid 7.5

    DW… a solid 5 (it dropped a few points post-menopause)

    Today my wish is to improve the quality and variety, not necessarily the frequency.

    As to changes over time… our emotional estrangement 20-25 years ago worked against (cancelled out) our greater biological vigor when I would say I was a frustrated 9 and DW was a  frustrated 7… it was sadly a lost opportunity for a more sizzling MB.   

    Retirement has been good and I think we are gaining some ground.

    On the floor Answered on September 30, 2020.
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      We actually did something like this in February on the Better Love assessment.
      How would you rate your desire? Me – 10, DH – 5
      My attentiveness to spouse’s needs? Me – 10, DH – 1
      Keep in mind – he rated himself, I rated myself.

      King bed Answered on September 30, 2020.

      I don’t know how to edit, but should have said, it’s pretty accurate and consistent.

      on September 30, 2020.

      Mo5 (I edited LOL), It’s easy to edit your first reply… simply move your cursor to the upper right corner of your post and click the pencil which will open it in edit mode.  Make your change and” Update” it.  When editing a comment to another poster’s post, the pencil is at the bottom.

      on September 30, 2020.

      @JLoydH: If she’s on her phone, the editing features are not available.

      -Scott

      on September 30, 2020.

      Aha!

      on September 30, 2020.
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        Currently= 0-1, not sure if it’s hormonal or life circumstances. I am experimenting with something to see if it helps. The good thing, my body still currently responds once started.

        My husband= 9-10

        Under the stars Answered on September 30, 2020.
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          Early in marriage:
          DH 6
          Me 4
          Nowadays:
          DH 2
          Me 7
          This is my assessment, of course.
          Before Covid, he was a 3.

          Hammock Answered on September 30, 2020.
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            We are, and have always been spontaneous. We look, both of us, for those ‘targets of opportunities’, to start something!

            So, more early on,  DW a 10, and Me, a 10.

            Now, DW a 10, and Me, a 10. Just slower 10’s!

            California King Answered on September 30, 2020.
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              Me 7.5 – I’ve dropped a little with age. Every other day sounds perfect.

              Wife 1.5 – She’s responsive only, super busy, but generally willing every three or four days. Left up to her we’d probably have sex about once every 10 days, and the sex would be maintenance/need to connect type sex, not because she was hot for it.

              Fell out of ... Answered on September 30, 2020.
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                9 for him, 9 for me.
                #newlyweds 😉

                California King Answered on September 30, 2020.

                That’s GREAT!

                on September 30, 2020.
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                  WIFE: I’d probably say a 3.5 with her supplements. Without? Maybe a 1? She does have a responsive desire.

                  ME: I’d say 7+

                  I’d say mine has slowed some with age, the daily drive jus isn’t as strong as it was. DW’s has definitely changed over the last 3+ yrs with early onset menopause but she is still choosing to be as generous as ever to which I am completely grateful.

                  Under the stars Answered on September 30, 2020.
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                    Me: I think I’m pretty average for a mid-30’s male, so I’ll go with a 6.

                    DW: Probably a bit lower than the average female (though close to average for moms with several young kids), so I’ll go with 4.

                    My physical drive has slowly decreased with age (probably used to be 7.5), though the desire has gone back up lately due to increased interest from her. I think her drive was higher early in our marriage, definitely sank down pretty low for half a decade, getting into the 1-2 range, and is slowly on the upswing. Yay! Also, for her the time in her cycle is really important. For most of her Follicular Phase she is probably a 6. Luteal Phase is definitely was lower, at 2-3.

                    -Scott

                    NOTE: I’m the 15th answer on this thread so far. For answers about the present/now, 13/15 have the TMB-participating spouse as the higher drive, 1/15 has equal drives, and the other 1/15 has lower drives. Not a coincidence, and one of the trends I was hoping to see.

                    Under the stars Answered on September 30, 2020.
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                      @Scott, thanks for the ‘geek’ humor! As I thought about your Q and began to think about how to convey it, my matrix was a simple 2×2 – her x me across young x old. Then I saw a couple of posts and  🧐 of a few more dimensions . . . over 5 decades, spirit willing v. flesh weak, etc.! 😃😃

                      Decided to go with simple! Then it can be nuanced, if desired or needed.

                      Mrs. Youngbear . . . 7
                      Youngbear  . . . 9
                      Mrs. Oldbear  . . . 3
                      Oldbear . . . 5

                      That said, we have always been generous to each other.

                       

                      Under the stars Answered on September 30, 2020.

                      The “geek humor” was unintentional. I was originally writing “don’t normalize” when it dawned on me that some people might not know what that meant. In my field, it’s such a common process/technique that it’s just my nature to use that wording now.

                      -Scott

                      on September 30, 2020.
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