10/15/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day
As you look back at your relationship with your spouse, what decisions did you make (whether on your own or with your spouse) that you now look back on and think, “Wow! I was a clueless fool!!!”
This could be something while dating/courting your spouse as well.
That’s a difficult question! When we got married I decided that I wouldn’t ask DW for sexual things that she didn’t offer. I did that out of ignorance of how mutual a MB should be, a desire to be respectful, etc. However, I was totally unaware that she doesn’t excel in creativity and exploration in the MB! So, I’ve had to go against that decision many times 😉
My answers are practical. I wish we’d had a smaller wedding and made different employment choices during our early marriage. I think I should’ve detached myself from the time-consuming volunteer work I was involved in and focused time on my DH as it was a stressful time for him and I wish I’d been there more for him.
Maybe ultimately the assumption I made was that we were strong, independent grown-ups (not needy) and that sacrificing for a noble cause was ok.
Allowing outside people(parents, family, etc) to influence my romantic relationships.
Not talking enough about topics such as sex, children, money and church before marriage. These topics an others should be discussed in detail prior to marriage.
I have multiple ones, but a few are…
My lack of understanding of male sexuality and thinking it was, or should be like mine, that led to issues on frequency and my suggestion of bringing porn in and thinking we could easily get rid of it.
Not getting help and guidance those first few years.
I don’t know if this really “fits” since I would still say the same thing… you guys decide: many years ago (25+/-) I told DW that “I don’t want you to do anything in our MB that makes you feel cheap or disrespected”.… I don’t exactly remember the context but I do know that at the time we still occasionally performed OS on each other, much to my delight. It was a 5-6 X per year event back then, usually reserved for vacations, trips away by ourselves, and other times when our sons were not in the house – definitely not on our weekly menu.
About 6 years ago DW abruptly took it off the menu for good with very little explanation and I can’t get her to tell me exactly why. Sometimes I think I invited her prohibition of OS with such a blanket statement – even for a delight that I think our Creator is perfectly happy for us to enjoy. I’ve expressed my desire and shown her the Biblical basis in SoS for it in the MB but “(She) loves (me) but I just don’t want to do that any more.”
I remember how appalled she was by the Clinton-Lewinsky episode (as was I for his serial adultery and especially his abuse of power over a subordinate – even if she was a willing and eager participant – but that’s a different subject. It was a tasteless, sordid affair, totally unbecoming of the office.) Whether that’s a factor or not, I don’t know.