10/19/2020 – Today’s Questions of the Day

I don’t think I’ve seen discussion on this topic at TMB in the past, so I hope this is interesting.

Were you an early bloomer, late bloomer, or “average bloomer”? Consider mentally (desire/drive), sexual physicality (periods, pubic hair, breasts, penis size), and non-sexual physicality (height, weight, etc).

Do you think your early/late/normal development time affected you mentally in the sexual arena? If so, why? Were any of those effects long lasting as opposed to short lived?

Under the stars Asked on October 18, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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19 Answer(s)

    I was average for onset, thin, and appeared older than I was, which unfortunately drew unwanted attention (because of the assumption that I was over 18) and made me self-conscious of the changes. I didn’t have overly large breasts but big enough compared to my thin frame to stand out.
    I’m not sure if any of this had an affect on my eventual sexual life. I wasn’t allowed to date.
    It has, perhaps, made me sensitive to how my body is viewed. As a slender but nicely figured woman now, I notice every glance from men (some are so obvious too) and while it’s easy to feel gratified there, it’s also a terrible feeling if, for instance, the glances are coming from men at church. Sometimes it produces some guilt. “I didn’t cover up enough…” etc. when really this is such a gray area and I already dress very plainly as it is, as a matter of preference.
    Which is why it is particularly hard when DH struggles with LD, ED, and doesn’t notice or seem to want my body. After some heart-to heart conversations, he is making strides to try to give affirmation and attention even when he can’t perform, so I do appreciate that, though I’d be happier with more frequency. 🙂

    California King Answered on October 19, 2020.

    Oh, my gosh! The guilt is the worst! I can’t help how I look. I could wear a sack cloth and men would still stare. And really, it doesn’t matter. They’re visual. They do that. I can’t help that any more than I can help how I’m built. But we’ve had it engendered within us that it’s somehow our fault. It’s taken me a long time to get over the guilt if a Christian and/or married man gives me more than a passing glance. I just figure, if I’m not actively showing off my assets or coming on to them, that extra glance is on them. They can choose to feel guilty or not.

    on October 19, 2020.

    Yep, the guilt is terrible and confusing! The most confusion is over what to wear, especially in a congregational setting. It’s also becoming difficult to explain to my daughters why an outfit might be ok for an outing but not to church.
    I too have learned to watch for a second glance as a gauge of persons.

    on October 19, 2020.

    Ladies – as a male, may I add something to consider here? You are right, you should not feel guilty about how God made you. None of us should. Neither should you feel it is your duty to God to control the sinful thoughts of others. However, in my experience it is almost always easy to spot when a female is putting on a show, and often that show is as much for her female counterparts as it is for the males. It would seem to me that you ladies would never be guilty of such so you have nothing to worry about. Sex and sexuality has been handled so poorly for so long in Christian churches that there is simply too much of both sides going too far trying to prove their own points. There is sinfulness on both sides of the argument.

    As to what to tell our daughters – I have told mine this “do you want to attract a boy with your body, which will change and age, or with your spirit and attitude which you can control?” It’s a hard question, because in a young person’s mind, the answer is both. And they see all their friends catching the “big fish” with flashy bait. But they don’t see the big picture. It’s our job as parents to show that to them. I don’t think there should be any difference in what’s appropriate for a public outing or a church service. Why should there be? We should clothe ourselves in modesty wherever we are. We are always to be the  temple of the Holy Spirit wherever we are.

    Bottom line, most people know when they are pushing or crossing the line. They are usually the ones that get the most defensive on this issue. Yeah, men will look at boobs, especially if you show them off. Them looking is not your problem. Showing them off might be.

    on October 20, 2020.
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      I am Asian American. I grew up in a super strict Christian family. How strict you might ask? I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs or my vagina. I was always very petite even now I barely weigh 107lbs. I always got a hard time from everyone at school. Especially when I started to develop. I first started to notice small black wispy hair around 12-13 wonder what was happening. By time I was 15 I had this thick black bush. I was always trying to hide from everyone especially my hairy legs. So as far as I know I developed pretty quick down there.
      However on the boobs front I had virtually no boobs even today they are small. Even though I had small boobs I had very prominent nipples my mom wouldn’t buy me a bra. I would wear baggy shirts to hide the fact they stuck out. Eventually my mom bought me a sports bra. By that time and don’t feel bad I laugh at it now but everyone at school started calling me Pokémon (Poke a Man) because Asian and my nipples stuck out.
      I didn’t have sex or masturbate until I was married. Or shaved. I had no clue about this stuff. Although I do remember getting a very weird sensation in my vagina and when this happened It got wet but I just thought was normal.
      I don’t think it affected me I got married young I had my first orgasm 3 months after I was married. I am still very shy and conservative. But have sex regularly and masturbate often.
      I wear short skirts and dresses and I also see men basically undressing me with their eyes even at church.

      Queen bed Answered on October 20, 2020.
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        I always called myself a late bloomer.  Although I don’t remember when I started getting pubic hair, it sure seemed like all my classmates walked around the locker room with beards and were well matured (shall we say) at an early age.  Let’s say middle school.  I was teased about my lack of ‘maturity’ in gym class, so that is part of the reason I avoided public dressing and showering rooms if possible.

        Interest in girls was always there, but our boy/girl ratio was way in favor of the girls getting the guys they wanted, usually athletes.  So I had no shot.  But that was ok with me at that time of life.  I finally had my first girlfriend and kiss as a freshman in college.  Despite being exposed to porn at a young age, I fully realized that those pictures were not real.  I think I’ve always had a good healthy image of sex due to my parents and grandparents marriages.  Lots of kids and long, happy marriages.

        Now, as a 50 something man, I am comfortable in my own skin (with or without clothes) and have been for a number of years.   Still a ‘grower’ not a ‘shower’, but I am the way God made me so that is fine with me.

        Double bed Answered on October 19, 2020.

        Good mention on the guy/girl ratio.

        Despite being a numbers guy, I think I underestimate that the roughly 4/1 guy/girl ratio in college really lowered my likelihood of finding a date. In my mind, I blame it on my undesirability.

        -Scott

        on October 20, 2020.

        Thanks for your story.  Your experience sounds a lot like my older brothers.

        on October 20, 2020.
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          Born prematurely and not seeming to ever catch up until about the 9th grade, I was physically smaller than the other boys in my class.  My older brother too.  My dad didn’t want us to be bullied so he taught us how to box early… I was about 5 or 6.  I still remember a bigger kid trying to bully me – pushing me down and trying to hold my face in the dirt on the playground at recess and I shocked him when I wrestled loose and instead of running away, I gave him a bloody nose and made him cry.  We both were sent to the principal’s office and got a paddling but I felt GREAT!  I got a stern talking to at home but my dad was proud of me for standing up for myself and that experience did WONDERS for my self-confidence.  And of course, when the girls in my grade hit puberty in the 5th and 6th grade ahead of me most of them were a full head taller if not more which was a little awkward for both me and for them.  Even so, I wasn’t shy and was reasonably popular and I learned pretty early on that self-confidence is attractive to girls.  While I wasn’t particularly athletic in terms of coordination etc., I was reasonably fast and strong and wiry, “tough as a pine knot”.  Sexually, I remember fretting a bit when some of the other boys in gym class were shooting up, growing pubic hair, and their penises looking bigger… and I was still bare and hadn’t changed, even though I was still tough and wiry, but thank God, my hormones kicked in and within a year I was “showing well.”   I lifted weights and did lots of push-ups and chin-ups and as my hormones kicked in, I grew considerably stronger than my peer group even though I was still on the smaller end of the range. After going to school with the same kids in grades 1-5, my family moved a bunch making me adapt to new people as we moved from GA to CT which was a big change in culture, especially in the mid-60’s.  Then we moved back South in the early 70’s when I was in the 11th gr and the de-segregation of schools was in full swing..  So I went to 1 E.S., 2 Jr Highs, and 3 H.S.  and I had to “prove myself” to bullies a few times at each Jr. High and 1 H.S. The lessons I’d learned earlier served me well… again, showing that self-confidence was attractive to girls.   I loved going to the Sat night school dances and always asked the prettiest, most desirable girl to dance and usually got a yes.  By the 9th grade, I was finally average height and I had a steady girlfriend – she was almost a year older but in the same grade and that’s where I first “learned about girls” … it was great! As far as my equipment goes, once puberty kicked in I was/am average, never had any complaints nor embarrassed, but not equipped to be a porn star either (which is fine with me.)   Even today I stay pretty trim and fit, and keeping a flat belly makes everything work and look better.

          On the floor Answered on October 20, 2020.

          That is a awesome story!

           

          on October 20, 2020.

          Thanks. One thing I meant to say: moving so much and having to leave friends behind and make new friends so many times as a teen-ager was tough at the time, but the lessons I learned in having to do that served me very well in adulthood.  I knew that I could “make it”.  I’ve also learned that most military kids had the same experience.

          on October 20, 2020.
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            I would consider myself an average bloomer, although I was one of the first girls to be wearing a bra in my grade at school (5th grade, started wearing the summer before.) Other than some undue attention from some boys when they noticed the bra, I don’t recall it affecting anything.

            And, I cannot think of the timing of my development affecting my mentality long term or short term….. although I was interested in sex, and was masturbating before it all, I don’t think it was connected to my development.

            Under the stars Answered on October 19, 2020.
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              I was an average age when my period started, and when I started wearing a bra. There was much secrecy around it all, from my mom. I was masturbating from early teens on, but had no idea that was sexual. Wearing a bra affected me negatively, for the bullying that happened. Also my weight. Women that are the same size as me, weigh on average, 20 to 30 lbs less than I do, so I have been very self conscious about that, about my breasts, and about my strength. I’ve tried to teach our daughters that none of those are negative. A period is great and its not dirty, be glad you actually need a bra, because there are some that don’t!

              Under the stars Answered on October 19, 2020.
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                Zelda was mostly an “average bloomer” and doesn’t think there were major effects from it. One exception might be her attraction to the opposite sex, which came later than for most.

                Scott, however, was very much a late bloomer in all aspects. Non-sexually, its quite tough to go from being a decent athlete to competing to guys that are 1-2 years ahead of you growth wise…but then went back to being a decent athlete. Sexually, it’s tough in the locker room/showers (or lets face it, comparing at a slumber party) when you still have a little boy penis with no pubic hair and your classmates are pretty much fully grown. Scott also didn’t feel sexual attraction to girls as early as other boys in his class, and he certainly didn’t feel attraction to the opposite sex as early as the girls in his class did! Once he did, he found out how mean Jr. High/High School girls can be, showing little interest/respect in someone who wasn’t fully developed physically yet. When girls did find him desirable, they tended to be younger girls.

                Long term, Scott thinks the above contributed to his insecurities and self-confidence issues. Except for a couple dates in HS, he didn’t date until after college, but maybe that was a good thing in the long run!

                Fun aside – had we known each other at the right time (late 7th grade), Zelda would have been a full foot (~30.5 cm) taller than Scott!

                Under the stars Answered on October 19, 2020.

                I was and am the same way, a late bloomer and probably contributes to some insecurities I have still today, not as much as it used to be though.

                on October 20, 2020.
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                  I was a late bloomer, being youngest in my class made it seem even later. Also seemed to take forever. One year growth spurt, next year hair growth, following year (during Christmas break) went from barely needing a bra to a full C. The big joke was that I got boobs for Christmas. I had acne constantly and was very self conscious. No sexual encounters until the last part of senior year. Heavily involved one night with my best friend and turned him down because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship and I had a boyfriend. Next, with the boyfriend, had sex and then he just wanted to be friends. Then I met my first husband and was married before the end of the year. Yes, all of that happened in one year. It was at least six months after I got married (first marriage) that I had an O. Sex was the only problem we didn’t have. When we divorced he bought me a gag gift vibrator. That was the first time I realized I was HD. Really only then because he told me. Met and married the one God planned for me after that. More than 20 years later, sex (frequency) is really the only problem we ever have that isn’t resolved quickly.

                  King bed Answered on October 21, 2020.
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                    That was a LONG time ago.

                    I wore huskies until 7-8th grade.  I am a hairy beast now, was pretty good back then and had a solid mustache Jr/Sr years.

                    Personally,  I never had a period  😀  BUT I have always said, I have a “hormonal cycle”. 😀  DW would not argue that point and  agree, probably adding that my moodiness can last longer than hers on many occasions.  😀  (That’s a melancholic & artistic personality for ya.)

                    Sexual drive? I don’t remember anything happening until dating part way through college. I will add that it’s never stopped, I just have a little less testosterone than I did back then.

                    Under the stars Answered on October 19, 2020.
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                      I think I was somewhere between average and late bloomer. I was somewhat behind socially, and that certainly delayed the start of my dating life until after college. Being nerdy did not help much, though now it seems all things ‘nerdy’ are cool (witness the success of such movie franchises as Star Trek, Star Wars, the Lord of the Rings, the Marvel Movies, etc. and the popularity of ‘The Big Bang  Theory, etc.).

                      My sexual drive turned on when I was in 6th grade. (12- 13 years old), so I suppose that makes me average. I can distinctly remember the first girls I had a crush on, though I did not really talk to them about how I felt. I was very shy, and as I mentioned, I was pretty socially awkward around girls and did date until I was in graduate school. I was getting pretty worried that I was somehow forever ‘un-datable’, so in retrospect I wish someone could have reassured me that there was nothing wrong with me. But, in the final analysis, the delay did not hurt me, and I ended up with a wonderful wife!

                      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on October 19, 2020.
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