11/19/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day

What is one thing you wish you could change (or should change) about YOURSELF in the marriage bed?

 

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11 Answer(s)

    This one is easy.  Before we agreed to scheduled sex  (BTW this was a game changer in our MB!),  it would be pouting, frustration, irritation, a bad attitude, and eventually a general annoyance with DW.  Generally, exhibiting immature behavior which, of course, just made things worse.

    Queen bed Answered 6 days ago.

    We did the same thing! We schedule a sex activity twice a week on the same two days. I was like you before, never knew when we were going to have sex and I am sure I was frustrated and irritated.

     

    We started scheduling sex two times a week and nearly always do it on those two days. The other days it isn’t really considered at all. I wish we had done this years ago.  At first it seemed a little odd, but after awhile, it is something to look forward to.  My wife also likes the fact I don’t ask for sex on the off days. We still kiss, cuddle and etc. but just no sex.

    5 days ago.
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      I wish I could change my sex drive. I feel I should change my level of involvement or enthusiasm, but that’s easier in theory than in reality.

      Under the stars Answered 6 days ago.
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        High expectations

        We have a sweet, frequent enough, vanilla marriage bed. My wife is generous and usually willing as long as I am considerate on when I initiate and don’t push for more than 2-3 times per week. But I sometimes have a hard time letting go of my desire for her to be more sexual. It messes with my confidence and puts pressure on her if I bring up any conversation about growth in TMB.

        On the floor Answered 6 days ago.

        I would have, and have in the past, said the same thing. But I think that just having high expectations is not a bad thing. It is how we let the missing of those high marks affect us and how we act in response that often needs work – certainly so in my past. I know, “it’s not win or lose, it’s how you play.” Yes, but if you aren’t going to try to play to win, then you should ask yourself if you’re in the right game – IMHO.

        Maybe just try reframing your self-described high expectations both within yourself and with the wife. Have a big goal, but have smaller goals too so you and her both can feel the victories. Nothing like a victory to make you want more victories. I think that is the problem we often have with these “high expectations”. We put all our money on them, then when we reach anything less, we feel defeated and that just puts the defeat on our spouse – and that stinks for both of us.

        However, I would agree that a fair and honest evaluation of our expectations should be done. I would be stupid to expect to win the next Ironman challenge. That’s not a high expectation, that’s and unreal expectation! I can barely run a mile now. Certainly not with speed. But I can expect myself to do that 5 instead of 3 times a week – IF I give myself six weeks to get there…. different story.

        Anyway….that’s just my current path of thinking. YMMV

        6 days ago.

        Excellent points.

        5 days ago.
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          I used to be a lot more naturally confident and leading. I’ve lost some of that along the way. Too much of it. I want that back.

          I also used to be rather P/A about it. Luckily I’ve lost that too.

          Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered 6 days ago.
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            Changing my level of disappointment when we have a planned rendezvous for the evening and something comes up that it has to be postponed.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered 6 days ago.
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              I wish I could have a FAST and RELIABLE sexual response (you know, like a typical man has).

              There are times when my head is totally in the game, but my body is very slow to respond, or stubbornly doesn’t respond. It is so frustrating, and I feel like I let my husband down, but I can’t fix it.

              California King Answered 6 days ago.
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                It would be very nice to have the typical man response to sex but it’s something you can’t force upon your body or MAKE it do something even if your so called head is in the game. Also it would be nice to get rid of the dread i have sometimes of having sex.

                Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered 6 days ago.
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                  More understanding. I know that my DW is working hard to make our MB more dynamic, but it is a struggle for her and sometimes I get impatient. So, I guess that’s two things; more understanding and patience.

                  Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered 5 days ago.
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                    I’d be Superman in bed! Or whatever the DW wants!

                    Twin bed Answered 4 days ago.
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                      I’d change the length of time my DH lasts he always ejaculates way to fast.

                      Queen bed Answered 4 days ago.
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