2/25/2020 – Today’s Question(s) of the Day
One of the marriage books I read had suggested this long, drawn-out program of the husband using his fingers to stretch the wife’s vagina before attempting PIV. So I started trying to gently stretch it myself so we didn’t have to go through that. I had also been exploring a while, but also rode my bike a lot and did other non-sexual things that can stretch the hymen, and/or was blessed to not have a very tight one to begin with. DH and I had been dating for five years, one and a half of which we were engaged, and we had been inching our toes as close as we could get to the “no sex before marriage” line without crossing it, like a nervous little kid on the high dive, for a long time. By that night, we were both exhausted but couldn’t have fallen asleep without partaking if the fate of the world depended on it. That first time was physically pleasurable, but it was even more a spiritual thing for me. “Becoming one” felt very literal in that moment, and I was so overcome with the beauty of it all that I was absolutely certain that, birth control notwithstanding, we had just Created Life. We had felt married “in every way but one” for a long time, so I really didn’t do all that much emotional preparation. I did discover there were emotional aspects I had not anticipated, like not coming “home” afterward–no longer living with my parents, not being a child (I didn’t have a whole lot of independence before marriage). Other things, too. Spiritually, we had found in discussion that DH had never read the Bible cover to cover, so I insisted he do that before we married. We did some Bible studies together on some of our dates. We didn’t have a lot of practical support in this area, so a lot was based on my determination to build the “perfect” foundation so as to avoid divorce. I read a lot of Christian marriage advice and we went and spoke with three different Christian couples who had been married more than 50 years to get their advice and prayer. We were blessed to have a LOT of committed, wise believers in our lives who have prayed for us all these years and I honestly don’t know how people survive without the fellowship of the Body of Christ.
I think the thing I am most thankful for having prepared myself about before marriage was to establish in my heart that God would always come before my husband. (And my husband before my children.) In those times when I felt so in love with my husband I thought I would burst, I sometimes felt guilty that maybe he was becoming an idol to me. I didn’t want to give him or that feeling up, so I determined to learn to love Christ even more. Then when I would feel that our marriage had cooled and I was disappointed in some perceived lack on my husband’s part, I turned to Jesus as my ultimate groom and source of all things good. –Not that I have always practiced this perfectly, mind you; but when I have, it has been very helpful.–
It was somewhat painful until after our first baby was born. It took several months until DH could finish inside, but it didn’t stop us. It was still pleasurable.
I don’t recall any special preparation, other than what you would do/expect for a wedding night.
I was not a Christian when I lost my virginity in high school. It was the first young man who developed a relationship with me (also a senior but a different high school) and I snuck out to his house. I remember him asking me if I was ready and in hind sight I think he meant aroused and lubricated. I wasn’t and it hurt. The pain got a little less as the session continued and I did not get any physical enjoyment out of it. I definitely regretted it. He was a nice guy but the relationship fizzled.
I honestly have very little recollection of the actual physical part, because I was so exhausted. I do recall the overall general feel of being pushed into it, and the feeling that the act was more important than me, at least he gave me the space to take a shower by myself before hand…. we both have said we would go back and change the way we handle our wedding night, our first time, and those first few days.
It was not painful for me, I didn’t have much of a hymen left.
If I may I will speak about Mrs. OWM’s experience.
On our wedding day night, there was pain when I tried to enter her. So, I held back. Had I pushed through, we are sure the pain would have been sharp. Later that night and again in the morning we made more attempts. Slowly making progress, with slight pain. By the second or third day, full penetration was possible. By day 4 there was no pain, only pleasure. 😀
DW says there was no pain at all. However, I need to add that we had thoroughly “prepared the ground”. We had been doing mutual masturbation for about a year, during which I gradually and carefully explored DW’s lady parts with my fingers so by the time we progressed to PIV we were fairly confident that there would be no pain. She was also very well lubricated and wanted me to enter her, so I guess she was ready emotionally. (I must admit though that the whole thing was so exciting I only lasted about ten seconds…)
I don’t know if it made a difference but she also did ballet for years during her teenage years, which may have stretched things.