2/26/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day

    What’s ONE thing you wish your spouse could have a better perspective/understanding of during/around sex?

    Blanket on a secluded beach! Asked on February 26, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    14 Answer(s)

      I know it isn’t really possible, but the question is about wishes, right?

      I wish she would be able to understand more fully the significance of what sex means to a man and explain to me more concretely what sex means to a woman.

      But even if that never happens, we have lots of enjoyment together! 😀

      Under the stars Answered on February 26, 2020.
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        I wish he could better accept  my changing needs. That sometimes I need him to be completely focused and intense and very Alpha, where other times I really do enjoy our playful, almost childish frolicking, and all the other ways we interact as well. I don’t really want to blend the different styles; it spoils the Alpha just a little when he gets silly for a moment, so I don’t want him to be silly that time, but that doesn’t mean I never want to be silly. On the other hand, just because we are generally  fun, relaxed people doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes want the dark and brooding, searing passion experience either. Sometimes it seems like he is trying so hard to figure me out that he forgets I’m changeable.  AND that when he gets it “wrong”, it’s not the end of the world. I always enjoy loving with him. I just might want to try again really soon. 😉

        Under the stars Answered on February 26, 2020.
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          “AND that when he gets it “wrong”, it’s not the end of the world. I always enjoy loving with him. I just might want to try again really soon. 😉”
          @Duchess that’s a great point! One of the benefits I’ve discovered of my wife’s sexual renaissance is that when we have an encounter that’s meh or something doesn’t work right, I know another opportunity is right around the corner. So different than when we were doing it every 1-2 weeks. I wanted to make every time amazing because it would be awhile before the next one. Frequent sex can take out some of the performance anxiety in that way.

          Fell out of ... Answered on February 26, 2020.

          You are absolutely right. When you aren’t rationing your experiences, there’s freedom to just let them be what they are.

          on February 26, 2020.
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            I wish my DH would come here and read and absorb the great wisdom and knowledge here, and that it would give him a better understanding of what a great blessing a sex positive wife is!

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 26, 2020.

            Why don’t you read him the question and answers tonight…maybe on your phone in bed to get the pumps primed? 😉

            -Scott

            on February 26, 2020.

            I sometimes have. Not in bed though, as we keep our phones out of our bedroom.

            on February 26, 2020.

            You know, I was kind of thick and thought your answer was just commenting on this thread alone, and all the wisdom on it. Now I realize that your answer was truly your answer to the question and is much broader in its reach… 😳

            -Scott

            on February 26, 2020.

            Lol. Nope. I meant the whole board!

            on February 26, 2020.

            Would the value of exploring this venue be worth making an exception to the no phones in the bedroom rule? Maybe under limited and defined circumstances, like a TMB date–sort of a virtual trip to an exciting club that is all about Godly sex. ??? That way when you have done that, it is more likely you will not move on to the electronics habits you are presumably attempting to avoid.

            on February 26, 2020.

            That is a good idea, Duchess. One big reason for the rule is also teenagers! The rule was established for their sake and DH and I felt to honor it, as well. Also, if its not an area of great interest for DH, it wouldn’t be that helpful, anyway. I mean from the standpoint of researching it, etc!

            on February 27, 2020.
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              I’m not usually very spontaneous when it comes to sex (I’m the responsive type) and he sometimes views it as a lack of confidence or creativity in the bedroom and offers some “constructive criticism” that actually does zap me of my confidence.  I guess I wish he could stop trying to fix me and try to understand me instead.  That goes both ways though, I can do better at trying to understand him as well.

              Queen bed Answered on February 26, 2020.
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                Two things for me: First, oral sex. She enjoys receiving it and I often give it to her but very rarely does she return the favor. Second, her confidence. We have been married for over two decades and she still gets embarrassed if I want to change things up with a game, item in the bedroom, etc. Not like we haven’t seen each other naked before! She has nothing to be embarrassed about!

                Twin bed Answered on February 26, 2020.
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                  The act of love it truly is, even when it may come across as having no desire to be there or to have it. One may never know, unless they face it themselves, the battle against the flesh that is fought, the sacrifice and dying to one’s self it takes. It is a fight worth fighting for two loves, Christ and my husband. But to be scorned because it doesn’t “feel” like love, because one just walked off of the battlefield (or off the cross) rather than out of a bed of roses, can make one question if the fight is truly worth it.

                  Under the stars Answered on February 26, 2020.

                  Agree, i know esp Christian husbands are good hearted and want to please their wives and that wives need to understand that sex is a vital part of marriage but husbands just don’t understand what an intense struggle it is when you do not have the desire, i keep liking it to wanting food. If you are not hungry you just do not want to eat and food doesn’t taste as good and that is THAT, it’s that simple. Even with responsive desire…i know it’s hard to want to be desired and loved and mauled in bed but a woman just is not like a man and she’s not broken… i could go on but i’d better shut up

                  on February 26, 2020.

                  SoA – I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but I really appreciate your food analogy that you’ve given several times.

                  -Scott

                  on February 26, 2020.

                  Oh, thank you, Scott.  I sometimes cringe how i come across so adamantly about women’s sex drive.  I have been very high drive before and honestly, in most ways (except for the CONSTANT distracting thoughts about sex) i would rather be HD than LD. Also having been LD, it is SO MUCH harder to be that way. I wish there was a pill we women (and LD men) could take…..

                  on February 27, 2020.

                  SoA – it’s very much appreciated. Your viewpoint as someone who has been on both ends of the spectrum is invaluable. Things such as “I would rather be HD than LD” are very insightful as well as something I can’t really hear anywhere else.

                  Having a LrD wife has been hard on me plenty of times. However, she said “[she] wouldn’t mind being a sex queen” (in discussion from this QOTD last night)…she has the mental desire to be that, but not the physical drive. Maybe she’ll get it during menopause? Maybe getting further away from child bearing/breastfeeding? Maybe with increased exercise? Maybe never? Regardless, it’s not where she wants to be, and so glad to hear someone sharing something similar who has actually been in both drive regimes.

                  -Scott

                  on February 27, 2020.
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                    @HisGirl it took me far too long to figure out that my “constructive criticism” not only wasn’t helpful to my wife, but was in fact hurting her (and our relationship).

                    Fell out of ... Answered on February 26, 2020.
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                      That my desire for her doesn’t die during the 27 or so days we’re apart every month right now. It would really be a blessing to me for her to put some thought toward maintaining some sort of intimate relationship while we are apart. We’ve done this, to differing extents, for years. She always brushes it off saying she just doesn’t really think about sex much when I’m gone. We have a robust and fantastic sex life while we’re together, even when we were able to be together every night for a couple years. The plane takes off, though, and it just isn’t a priority. We’ve talked about this, and she has agreed to try, but then we slip right back into the same ol’ same.

                      Hammock Answered on February 26, 2020.
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                        I wish my wife could understand how attracted I am to her and why that makes me want to kiss her, hug her, and ML with her so often. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out, and yet she struggles with body image issues and she worries that when it takes some time to get to her orgasm that I’m bored or impatient. Nothing could be further from the truth! I love the way her body looks and I love getting to bring her pleasure, even when it slowly builds over 20 or 30 minutes. I think if she saw herself the way I see her, she’d have greater sexual confidence and she’d also probably O faster because she’d be focused on enjoying things without worrying about how long it is taking.

                        I’ve shared these things with her and she has typically dismissed my statements about her beauty with, “you’re my husband, you’re just saying that because you have to.” She has acknowledged what I’ve told her about timing, although she hadn’t really changed her mindset as a result. I’ll keep providing these positive messages and praying for her to cling to truth and reject the lies the Enemy whispers in her ear.

                        Fell out of ... Answered on February 26, 2020.

                        @luvabug99:

                        I really appreciate and can identify with your answers on this forum. They really speak to my heart and give me ideas on how to communicate better in my own marriage.

                        I’ve sent Zelda the QOTD and hope to come back with a dual answer tonight.

                        -Scott

                        on February 26, 2020.
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