2/28/2020 – Today’s Question of the Day
My mind goes there often enough, but I don’t remember those kind of things. But in a semi-related story, that I will always remember and laugh about with my husband.
He met me at a local CFA for lunch earlier this week, and a lady from our church, in her 80s sat down with 4 other older women in their 70s-80s right next to us, but she didn’t notice us. We decided as we were leaving to actually stop and say hi. My husband is known for acting/speaking before thinking, which gives us these funny stories to laugh about…..anyway, after she introduced us to the group as her “pastor and his wife”, he says, “So this is your gang? Are you guys out gang banging around?” 😯 She laughed and says, “Oh, is that what you call what we are doing!?!” As soon as we get far enough away, I told him, “I don’t think that means what you think, that is a sexual term…. usually about rape.” Between laughter, he was horrified! He found some consolation in that they didn’t seem to know what he said, but I did have to point out that the group of young IT people that were sitting behind us, would have heard him and known. He ended up texting her and apologizing for using an “inappropriate term”. I am still teasing him about it and we are laughing, and that will never be forgotten.
Just a couple days ago, I was washing reusable drinking straws with a stiff brush, you know the long thin kind, made especially for cleaning straws. DD comes along and wonders what I’m doing. (She works such long hours, comes home late, and doesn’t know what all goes on here.) I showed her, she gave a funky grin, and it was on the tip of my tongue to say that this stiff, bristled brush going in and out, makes me cringe every single time. Just in time, I realized this was DD, not DH I was speaking to.
Not sure I’ve been in quite the scenario you’re suggesting. However, the day before yesterday I was saying something suggestive to my wife when my teen daughter walked in the kitchen. I had to quickly change the course of what I was saying. Don’t think she picked up on it, as she probably would have said “gross” or the like. We’ve been really enjoying having a teen and pre-teen in the house—every time we kiss and they’re around they tell us to stop or try to break it up. It’s a fun game—more kissing for us and our kids get to see that we’re still madly in love and affectionate for each other!
For me, I have made the conscious habit of using the term “My pleasure” (yes, borrowed from Chik-Fil-A) instead of “you’re welcome” because the phrase makes one memorable and the word is pleasant.
Since I work from home for a company, we use an instant messenger program to communicate with others. I work with a female co-worker and I offered either advice or a comment that was work-related. She thanked me and I said “My pleasure.” She stated right after, “I share in that pleasure with you.”
Thank God that I did not capitalize on that statement because the flirty old nature wanted to!
This is a bit different but…
Some years ago I went to my doctor for a physical exam. I had a few questions and my wife wanted me to ask her something too.
So, when I got through my list, I said to my young female doctor:
“My wife wants you to check my moles.”
Doctor replied. “Sure, I can check your balls.” 😯
(Yes, she did check them too!)
Well this isn’t a case of “holding my tongue”, but one where I should have “held my tongue”.
My supervisor and I were having a 1:1 phone conversation concerning starting R&D on a few new potential products. He wanted to make the point that proper planning right at the start can avoid catastrophic failure in the final stages, so he was giving some examples of bad things he’s seen over the years (e.g. stabilizing a drug with a compound known to be highly toxic to the liver, and its toxicity is so well known a Google search pulls it up easily).
He started his final example by saying “probably the worst one was…” and proceeded to talk about this skin product that needed very good/intimate contact with the skin in a fine powdered form. The researchers had decided for their testing, and thus, for their official protocol/instructions for use, that they needed a guaranteed way of pulverizing the product into the skin. My supervisor’s description of what they were doing/using started started sounding eerily familiar, he then mentions that it’s a powerful back/muscle massager. I think “oh gosh, no way”. He then says [regarding taking their work and moving towards the next step] “I had never heard of the massager they were using/recommending, and I needed to write up an official description for the FDA submission, so I looked it up with Google, find out it’s primarly used as a sex toy, and start seeing all sorts of things I don’t want to! I can’t remember what it was called though…”
I then blurt out “Oh, you’re talking about the Hitachi Magic Wand!” Then I instantly realized what I had done…
He immediately shouts “That’s it, the Magic Wand!”
There was some awkwardness right after that, and I was insanely embarrassed, but we muddled through the rest of the meeting intact. Zelda got a HUGE laugh when I told her the story that night, and she knew exactly what was going to happen when I got to the point of him not remembering the name of the product…
Oh, and it makes Zelda and I really wander how the meeting at Hitachi went down where they had to internally announce that their product was primarily used as a sex toy and they wanted to remove their company name from it. We’ve had all sorts of jokes about that–anywhere from the women in the room blushing and twiddling their thumbs to many of the employees offering to take the discontinued product off the company’s hands to “help avoid disposal costs.”
(Full disclosure–we’ve never used a Magic Wand.)
Several days ago, one of my kids said something about something being big and hard, and I wanted to say, “That’s what she said!”. But, I bit my tongue. I told my wife immediately afterwards what I thought about saying, and she was embarrassed and very grateful that I didn’t say it.
All my Christian life, from a late teen, I have lived in a non-Christian world with men and women in the construction business who do not hold their tongues. I have sought to never give them opportunity to think me of the same mindset. That said, I did use the word phallic when I meant to use the word parasitic or something similar. That got the looks of the whole congregation while preaching.
We are fairly uncouth, I guess. “That’s what she said” is announced about daily in our house. I’ve had a few close calls saying it with church leaders and just the other day there were 3 things said in one first aid training at work that i had to chomp on my tongue pretty hard to avoid saying it.