21 Day Stay-at-Home Challenge, who’s “up” for it?

OK, so it’s been a long couple months of adjustments in our household and calendar due to a renovation project (which has come to a grinding halt with CV-19) and my wife’s schedule for schooling. Needless to say, our emotional connection time via day off together which help fill her bucket had to go away for several months and the adjustments made haven’t been enough due to kids around and other stated or unstated stressors…so it’s led to some shorter fuses and missed grace-giving opportunities between us…and each of those kind of events empties our emotional buckets, especially hers…because apparently (don’t let this kind and soft exterior fool you) I can be a real grizzly bear and hard to live with…at least I’ve been told that a “few” times over the past three years. :D.    To top it all off right now, our “doesn’t know what to do except follow others” governor has put us in a stay-in-place order which means that this blended family is gonna have a LOT of time to be together for AT LEAST the next 21 days…and maybe more…and I have to work from home so there’s pretty much no escape.

After talking this morning, I proposed a 21 Day Sex Challenge. Sex (or sexual connection) every day for 21 days. Now, let me say that right now, we connect 3-5x/week so it’s not like we’re starving sexually and ladies, admittedly she baulked and said, “I’d rather do it 3x/day for 7 days and have the opportunity to say no”. I said, that defeats the purpose. THE PURPOSE IS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND SEXUAL UNION. I said, it’s hard to have sex if we’re mad or frustrated with each other and we’re probably gonna have a “few” more days of that with what’s going down in our state, SOOOOO…if we’re deciding to have sex now, then we’re just gonna have to talk and work through any issue so we can connect sexually. It’s a win-win. “Babe, you get the emotional connection you want and we connect sexually.” I went on to say, “It’s either that or plan for sex first and then fight afterwards and wait till the next day for resolution.” Yeah, as you can imagine, DW didn’t fully appreciate my sly humor with that comment…but some of you got a laugh…or else called me an idiot. Yes, she knew what she was getting, my friends warned her.) 😀

So, after conversing with her about the challenge (and you got the Clift notes version above), DW agreed to it.

With that said, especially for those who are “quarantined” to your home, are you “up” for a 21 Day (or longer) Connection Challenge? Are you willing to engage emotionally every day with your spouse in order to connect sexually with them? (It doesn’t even need to be PIV every day (especially if that’s not physically possible…BUT the point is to serve one another and connect sexually)

  • How can/do you connect emotionally with your spouse daily?
  • Connect spiritually with your spouse daily?
  • What are ways you can try to connect with your spouse right now, especially when the usual “going out” activities are not allowed/unavailable and those of you in stay-put orders, when you’re under the same roof 24/7 (’cause the feelings/emotions/fuses are only gonna get harder/shorter)?
On the floor Asked on March 25, 2020 in MARRIED SEX.
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14 Answer(s)

    We’re “up” for a 21 Day (or longer) Connection Challenge!!

    • How can/do you connect emotionally with your spouse daily?
    1. Tell her that ‘I love her’ every day/multiple times a day.
    2. Chat over a cup coffee.
    3. Take walks together.
    4. Give each other space.
    5. Eat meals together – leisurely.
    6. Watch a BBC series, together.
    7. Read next to each other by the fireplace.
    8. Hug, kiss, whisper terms of endearment, tell her how beautiful she is, how nice she looks and dresses, and tenderly touch her intimately – daily/multiple times a day.
    9. Be sexually intimate – spontaneously and intentionally – as often as possible.  [An orgasm each day for each of us is not realistic.]
    • Connect spiritually with your spouse daily?
    1. Pray each evening before going to sleep.
    2. Personal devotions every day.
    3. Share a spiritual insight each day.
    4. Focus on one family member or friend that needs spiritual, relational, emotional, or physical strength or healing – pray for them and reach out to them.
    Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on March 25, 2020.

    A great post with fantastic ideas..

    on March 27, 2020.
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      I see we all have our challenges, whether now working from home, children being home, plunged into homeschooling, etc.

      DH and I no longer have any time to ourselves during the day and I am realizing we do need to keep up our connection somehow. It seems to be more important to me, than to him, though.

      For me, its almost as helpful if DH helps some with schoolwork, keeping children busy, etc. Its hard on those little ones and our youngest was in tears and declared that holidays should be thrown away!

      So right now, our efforts are more together with and for, the children. Enjoying the sun that hasn’t shone for so long, all listening to a friend’s recorded story together, making some special drinks, playing more games, doing some extra projects, and just keeping them busy so they don’t have to think quite so hard about the current situation.

      We are keeping up with our regular sex, though. And for me, I have somewhat declared a fast from hearing any negatives about the virus. I have told my DH that. He gets so much info and I felt that this whole household was saturated with news and info about the virus. Than, when we went to our room at night, it was just talked about more.

      If it pertains to me, than let me know. Otherwise, I’m not interested in hearing about statistics and whats happening. It only gets me down and I cannot be my best in our marriage or in helping the children get through it. I also informed some of my friends. I’m amazed at how much of a difference it makes. There are still other things to talk about. We pray about it all every night. Otherwise, we have decided to try and make good memories for our household.

      I won’t commit to this on my own, but I’ll see if DH would consider it.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on March 25, 2020.
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        I’m always trying to encourage and build my family spiritually and part of that is building them emotionally.  It is definitely a time to be extra patient because as you said fuses can be a bit shorter and challenging with everyone’s schedule being disrupted.  It is a good time to spend time in the Word and praying, not only for thankfulness of His provision and greatness, but also that He will minimize the suffering that is going on, but always that His will be done.

        One thing that has become a nice thing for us is the family drive – not necessarily going out to any destination as we are being strict about social isolation, just going for a drive to get some sun and enjoy doing something together.

        California King Answered on March 25, 2020.

        Thx. I like the drive idea…and so will my wife.

        on March 25, 2020.
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          No i wouldn’t be up for (and my H either) for the sexual challenge at least. Sex just isn’t fun if it’s done daily (for us anyway) it’s much more meaningful if it’s only a couple or few days a week, much more pleasurable and something to look forward to.

          AFA emotionally and spiritually absolutely up for the challenge and i have used this awful virus to do some serious soul searching with me and the Lord and also frankly talking with my husband about it and being more transparent with him than i ever have, i am an introvert and tend to keep things close to the vest and am in self protective mode a lot and am learning after YEARS of marriage (!) that i am finally safe enough to let that wall down and let him inside and it has been better than i have ever thought. So yes i’m willing and up for the emotional aspect also

          Thanks for the challenge.

          On the floor Answered on March 25, 2020.

          Thanks for sharing, SOA. Your contributions and open honesty in this forum are very valued.


          on March 25, 2020.

          Thank YOU Scott! I don’t see myself that way at all and am humbled.

          on March 25, 2020.
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            We’re under a “essential businesses only” declaration here, but my company which isn’t essential by any stretch of the imagination managed to find a loophole to keep us coming into our cramped workplace, where social distancing is impossible, in an area where cases are spiking. So no fun quarantine sexcapades for me. I’m just hoping to still be alive 21 days from now. You all have fun though.

            Queen bed Answered on March 25, 2020.
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              This is a great idea and I hope others will seriously consider it….I am still considering it, not sure I am ready for such a commitment in our situation.

              Our connecting emotionally and spiritually seems to be largely wrapped around talking. A drive, a walk, laying in bed holding each other, in the shower, in the kitchen as you prepare food or eat, etc, these are all places to talk and connect.

              I don’t know if all states are doing this, but I know that even with “stay at home” orders, we are encouraged to get outside, to walk, to bicycle, to exercise, and to even talk to our neighbors, we just have to practice the social distancing when in contact with others while out. They want social distance, but not social isolation.

              Under the stars Answered on March 25, 2020.

              Yes, we do a lot of that but it doesn’t seem to be enough right now. We used to have my day off alone together BUT now her class is on that day so I changed it so I could work and then be home on Sat BUT now kids are around. Friday’s together time was awesome. Didn’t matter whether we did fun or went and had the cars maintained.  We could go out or stay in, eat out or grill surf & turf and watch a movie. Have wild, “let it all out, scream from the rafters” sex without fear of being heard and that is done for now with no end really in sight because we’re not sure about kids & school and Summer is coming too. Her love language rotates and right now it the quality AND quantity alone time.

              So I’m trying to create something fun for both of us. We made love 7+/wk for our first 9 months of marriage, then she started working and life happened so I’m hoping this will help us see some new things together, even if we’ve dialed the encounters back to 3-5x/wk depending on our schedules and teen sports.

              on March 25, 2020.
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                It does sound very challenging.  I’m now at home with all this while my wife is out with long days of work due to her being in a critical care area as a nurse and manager of a specific type of healthcare clinic.  Time is short.  I’m still working on the 7 day sex challenge.  We’d have to work up to the 21 day challenge.  We do however, have devotions and prayer time together almost every night for spiritual connection..

                Hammock Answered on March 25, 2020.
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                  Will talk with Zelda to see how we could implement this. We both certainly can’t O everyday, plus she just started her cycle, so the first 4 days might need to be creative. However, as indicated by others, this doesn’t necessarily have to be serious physical interaction each day.

                  These days were are certainly a “quality over quantity” couple, even if our quantity is the highest it’s been in years. We’ll give it some thought.

                  A couple things to note:

                  • Married Christian Sex just posted a ton of sexual dares you can do together. Most of them don’t require “sex” to happen. We did several last night as foreplay, and it was great! Highly suggested to help with this 21-day challenge!
                  • I got an e-mail from Married Dance saying they were having a 13% off everything sale, but their web site is saying things may not ship because they are a non-essential business and planning to reopen on April 13. However, that link does have a lot of other resources you might consider.


                  On the floor Answered on March 25, 2020.
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                    Being the high-drive hubby that I am, I suggested something like this to my wife this weekend. The stress of this situation has been pretty high for me (we live in a shelter in place State) and I asked her if each morning before I log into my work compute we can spend some naked ‘cuddly’ time for physical and emotional bonding, and suggested that it end with PIV, a romp on her vibrator, a HJ depending, etc.  depending on our mood. Over that last 4 days we have been doing this, we missed one time (DW was really tired yesterday morning so we skipped). I think we are going to try to keep this up for as long as possible.

                    Similar to most of you, we have children home so much of our time is spent with them handling various crises, planning meals, or just chatting. Some of the things we have been doing as a family include taking walks (mainly my wife and the kids… I have been content to practice chipping golf balls in our backyard, but with the weather getting better I will likely take some walks with my wife), binge-watching shows (right now we are finishing the series ‘Bones’…not very good but now we are on a mission to finish the show…), and of course eating the meals we have planned…We also pray as a family, mainly at meals but I think I will start adding more frequent prayer, both alone with my wife and with the kids.


                    Fell out of ... Answered on March 26, 2020.
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                      Take the 3x a day, then tell her after a day of rest that you need it again.

                      Queen bed Answered on March 26, 2020.
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