9/25/20 – QOTD – Part 1
What mistakes do men make in bed? Assumptions? Mixed signals?
For insight or deeper thought development, see SEXY MARRIAGE RADIO PODCAST (Episode 22). I was catching up on old podcasts over vacation last month while traveling. Because we are equal opportunity offenders, err…I mean, conversationalists, 😀 I’ll post another question for women’s mistakes. 😀
Some mistakes and wrong assumptions I’ve made with my wife:
– Women always want/need lots of foreplay
– Women will know what they like and communicate that
– Women like tender, slow, and gentle lovemaking. Especially if they are timid, inhibited, quiet, conservative, and inexperienced wives. Big no, my wife mostly likes it hard and fast
– Women want the man to last a long time. Another big no for us-DW gets sore and frustrated if I don’t get there pretty quick.
– All women will orgasm from PIV if you can last, are big enough, or know what you are doing. Either I have no idea what I’m doing or we’ve proved this one wrong for years. 🙂
I am not a podcast listener, so I haven’t listened to it, and I could be missing your intent.
1) Assumption, because it worked last time, it will work this time.
2) Assumption & mistake, thinking a woman wants her parts handled and stimulated as he likes it.
3) Assumption & mistake, thinking his wife’s sexuality and response is, or should be, like his.
4) He says sex isn’t all he wants, but actions can make it seem like that is the case.
That’s a start.
In no particular order:
1. Assumption. That she likes to be romanced like other women. Pretty much none of the common romance advice works with my wife. She herself admits I’m the romantic in the relationship while she is the Spock.
I like math and approached romantic advice as a Newtonian Physics equation. Turns out that doesn’t apply to my wife and I’ve had to learn Special Relativity to understand how to love her.
2. Assumption. If she had an orgasm she enjoyed sex. DW orgasms every time during sex but depending on her body and emotional state the orgasm can leave her feeling unfulfilled or even sad.
3. Mixed signal. Not praising small steps she takes towards a more positive sex life. To me those steps are small and my mind can focus more on what we don’t have. This leads her to feel she can never be good enough and short circuits any progress.
MISTAKES MEN MAKE (this is NOT an exhaustive list, just ones that were talked about in the SMR referenced podcast)
-thinking foreplay is quick and only happens in the bedroom
-not remembering what she’s said previously about what she wants/likes
-just because something is good doesn’t mean keep doing it for the nxt 30 minutes or every time.
-if a minute is good 20-30 minutes must be better
-turning down a wife when she initiates
-not understanding/discovering what the clitoris is and how to use it
-be confident, (both tender and tough)
-make your move lovingly (vs selfishly)
-don’t know her erogenous zones (there’s more than breasts and vulva)
-not paying attention to a wife’s love bank, especially after conflict
– thinking your wife should should act like a porn star
-not understanding how her orgasm works
-just because you’re done, doesn’t mean she’s done (she may want an orgasm, she may want more than one)
-ladies are sensitive to smells
-slow down, enjoy the journey of lovemaking, don’t feel like you have to follow a script and a goal, let it happen, let it unfold