9/25/20 – QOTD – Part 1

    What mistakes do men make in bed?  Assumptions? Mixed signals?

    For insight or deeper thought development, see SEXY MARRIAGE RADIO PODCAST (Episode 22). I was catching up on old podcasts over vacation last month while traveling. Because we are equal opportunity offenders, err…I mean, conversationalists, 😀  I’ll post another question for women’s mistakes. 😀

    Under the stars Asked on September 25, 2020 in Question of the Day.
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    6 Answer(s)

      Some mistakes and wrong assumptions I’ve made with my wife:
      – Women always want/need lots of foreplay
      – Women will know what they like and communicate that
      – Women like tender, slow, and gentle lovemaking. Especially if they are timid, inhibited, quiet, conservative, and inexperienced wives. Big no, my wife mostly likes it hard and fast
      – Women want the man to last a long time. Another big no for us-DW gets sore and frustrated if I don’t get there pretty quick.
      – All women will orgasm from PIV if you can last, are big enough, or know what you are doing. Either I have no idea what I’m doing or we’ve proved this one wrong for years. 🙂

      Fell out of ... Answered on September 25, 2020.

      Allow me to interject; When you say “all women” it is assumed you are speaking as IF all women share the same feeling both physically and emotionally. Many years ago when my own DW was younger, I did it sideways and musta done a hundred thrusts and she never O in that session.

      on September 26, 2020.

      Yes, when I said “all women” what I meant to get across was that I assumed all women could reach O that way. That’s clearly not the case so it was wrong assumption on my end.

      on September 26, 2020.

      fair ‘nuf


      on September 27, 2020.
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        I am not a podcast listener, so I haven’t listened to it, and I could be missing your intent.

        1) Assumption, because it worked last time, it will work this time.

        2) Assumption & mistake, thinking a woman wants her parts handled and stimulated as he likes it.

        3) Assumption & mistake, thinking his wife’s sexuality and response is, or should be, like his.

        4) He says sex isn’t all he wants, but actions can make it seem like that is the case.

        That’s a start.

        Under the stars Answered on September 25, 2020.

        #4 is a mixed signal

        on September 25, 2020.

        That’s a good start. Yes, those are some of the things they mentioned.

        on September 25, 2020.


        on September 26, 2020.

        #1 is often a mixed signal as well, or “missed” signal, unless there is communication.

        on September 26, 2020.
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          In no particular order:

          1. Assumption. That she likes to be romanced like other women. Pretty much none of the common romance advice works with my wife. She herself admits I’m the romantic in the relationship while she is the Spock.

          I like math and approached romantic advice as a Newtonian Physics equation. Turns out that doesn’t apply to my wife and I’ve had to learn Special Relativity to understand how to love her.

          2. Assumption. If she had an orgasm she enjoyed sex. DW orgasms every time during sex but depending on her body and emotional state the orgasm can leave her feeling unfulfilled or even sad.

          3. Mixed signal. Not praising small steps she takes towards a more positive sex life. To me those steps are small and my mind can focus more on what we don’t have. This leads her to feel she can never be good enough and short circuits any progress.

          On the floor Answered on September 25, 2020.
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            I certainly was guilty of making the mistake of thinking that touching my wife’s genitals would provide her with the kind of instant pleasure that occurs when  she touches mine.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 26, 2020.
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              MISTAKES MEN MAKE (this is NOT an exhaustive list, just ones that were talked about in the SMR referenced  podcast)

              -thinking foreplay is quick and only happens in the bedroom 

              -not remembering what she’s said previously about what she wants/likes

              -just because something is good doesn’t mean keep doing it for the nxt 30 minutes or every time. 

              -if a minute is good 20-30 minutes must be better

              -turning down a wife when she initiates

              -not understanding/discovering what the clitoris is and how to use it 

              -be confident, (both tender and tough)

              -make your move lovingly (vs selfishly)

              -don’t know her erogenous zones (there’s more than breasts and vulva)

              -not paying attention to a wife’s love bank, especially after conflict

              – thinking your wife should should act like a porn star

              -not understanding how her orgasm works

              -just because you’re done, doesn’t mean she’s done (she may want an orgasm, she may want more than one)

              -ladies are sensitive to smells

              -slow down, enjoy the journey of lovemaking, don’t feel like you have to follow a script and a goal, let it happen, let it unfold

              Under the stars Answered on September 27, 2020.

              How come we got 15 and they only got 8?! That’s not fair! 🙂

              my self evaluation is 3/15 (though I think a couple of those could be combined to make the list shorter)

              on September 27, 2020.

              Your preaching to the choir LBD. But you already know that life and marriage isn’t fair ‘cause when you’re married, in both money and desserts, “what’s hers is hers and what’s yours is hers” and “if the fries come off my plate, there are no calories that are passed on to DW”. (At least, that’s what she keeps telling me.) 😀  

              I don’t know about you, but when it comes to sharing my food, I tend to act more like a toddler than the maturing adult I’m supposed to be. I guess some things never change.

              on September 27, 2020.
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                * Not asking what she wants.

                *Thinking that LM is like movies and television.

                *Not making love to her mind first.

                * Not realizing that your bad technique can be the reason behind her low drive.


                Double bed Answered on September 28, 2020.
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