A Loving Spouse
This isn’t a question but a story that some of you may wish to post a comment.
I met recently with several friends from high school. During this get together the conversation turned to one of my friends sexual activities. The conversation was a pure locker room discussion, which would fit since we were all on sports teams together in high school. My reaction was slight disbelief and I felt like a stranger in a foreign land as I listened to my friend. Later, as I reflected on this dialogue, I couldn’t help but wonder how meaningless these encounters must be. I can’t help but think that God ordained emotional connection has to be missing in these encounters. I feel that we who are Christians and are experiencing the true blessings of God’s ordained marriage bed have something very, very special. Many of my fellow members have experienced issues or problems in their MBs, myself included. But God is with us through these times.
I have been blessed with with a long term spousal love which I feel is God ordained. I hope that many of you, whether newly married or long time married, agree that we have something special with a loving spouse.
Graypoet, there is a good quote from the movie ‘Vanilla Sky’. I did not actually see this movie, but I heard this quoted in a talk on sex. It is said by Cameron Diaz to Tom Cruise:
“Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do not”
So, I think God always intends for emotional bonding to accompany the act of making love. People who engage in serial hook-ups have chosen to ignore this natural outcome, or have been so damaged by past relationships that they no longer have the ability to feel an emotional connection with the person they had sex with.
Because of the consequences of the Fall, both the husband and wife will have some struggles that prevent them from living out God’s intentions for marriage. Each spouse has to pray that God will give them the grace to see how they need to change so they can better be the spouse that God intended them to be. Like all marriages, DW and I have had our struggles, but I am fortunate that God has given us grace that has helped us to grow during our 28 years of being husband and wife.
One indispensable component of a Christian marriage should be an active prayer life together AS A COUPLE! My wife and I attended a couples prayer program which was amazing! I don’t know why, but I find it easier to pray either alone, or together as a family. But, truth be told, the greatest growth and emotional connection in our marriage occurred during those times we were actively praying together. We have fallen out of this practice, and having written this I am going to make a commitment to start up again. In any event, it is impossible for any human being to be fulfilled without a recognition of who God is, and what he intends for our lives. As Augustine said nearly 2000 years ago, “Lord, you have made us for yourselves, and our hearts are restless until the rest in thee”
Thank you for your insightful post. I agree that the exclusivity of emotional and physical connection and mutual commitment in a Christian marriage is a blessing from God that the promiscuous of either gender cannot experience.
Having moved and gone to 3 different H.S. – therefore not establishing deep relationships with other guys back then – I do not have any old male H.S. friends to compare their lives with mine so your personal account is informative. I do know that late in my father’s life, he deeply regretted the damage that his unfaithfulness to my mother had wrought upon our family – the emotional scars he had inflicted not only on my mother but also upon me and my 2 brothers as young teenagers and young adults. He wept that he could never repair nor re-do “his legacy”.
My friends from HS dumped me in college when they discovered that I would be friends but would not partake in their lifestyles.
John Piper has a quote in his book, Sexuality and the Supremacy of Christ, that a man knocking on a door of a whore house is actually seeking what God has to offer. Maybe it is that the locker room banter is really frustration expressed from the inability to find the real love and joy that only can be discovered in the Lord’s grace.
@Tracker, is there anything in your marriage that makes you know your wife loves you? I am guessing that in each of our marriages, those “loving” traits might look slightly different.
What can be hard to balance is on one hand you know they love you, and you can make a list of those loving actions. But on the other hand, you can experience some unloving behaviors that make you feel unloved and question their love.
The mind may know it, but the heart doesn’t feel it.
Or is it, the heart knows it, but the mind doesn’t compute it, with the contradictory behaviors?
To the OP, I SO agree. We recently found out some former friends of ours are now living in an open marriage. Their marriage was always turbulent with very few highs. They were horrible at valuing each other and it just spiraled from there… but the new level of drama is insane. Not sure if they thought being in an open marriage was going to solve anything, but it certainly does not appear so. When we hear things it just makes me so grateful for my own simple and deeply loving marriage.
What is a loving spouse? One who walks with you arm in arm from the alter as husband and wife. One who supports you as you finish your college degree, knowing that with a college degree you will a better provider for both of you. One who works with you to raise a family, loves you unconditionally, for better or worse, reaches out to hold you at night wanting you sexually, holds your hand lovingly in a hospital bead as you recover from major surgery while waiting for a biopsy report and comforts you as you watch a parent die. Some may disagree, but these are my characteristics of a loving spouse.