Adopting Your Spouse’s Interests
It’s inevitable that the longer a couple is together the more likely it is that each will adopt an interest or two of the other that they previously might not’ve cared about. What are some of your spouse’s interests that you’ve come to embrace over the years?
Below are a couple of mine.
1. Mysteries. My wife loves mysteries in all formats and I’ve come to appreciate them more over the years. Mostly as TV shows or movies, though, but not as much books. I’m still working on that. 🙂
2. Period dramas. This one is developing but isn’t quite to the mysteries level yet. And it’s definitely a TV show/movie format and not books (I still have nightmares over some of the stuff I had to read in high school 🙂 ). But I’m more apt to sit down and watch something like “Pride & Prejudice” with her now and enjoy it than I was on the past.
When we got married, a skill my wife didn’t know I had was cake decorating. I decorated a cake for out daughter and then the word was out. I taught my wife all i knew and she went full tilt. She took more classes and developed better skills than I ever had!
In more recent years, she has enjoyed “seaglassing”. Basically, it’s when broken glass (bottles, pottery, jars, etc) are in the ocean, tumbled around and wash onto shore. She enjoys picking up the pieces while walking beaches. We’ve been all over the eastern shores looking. I’ve even found her some when I travel to other parts of the country. We try to go together on these ventures…I never would have done this without her.
I don’t know that I would call this “adopting” but I will do it for his sake, even though I don’t prefer it….
1) 4x4ing – he gets a thrill from the adventure and danger. I get jostled around and might lose a few days off of my life. 😉 The prospect of one wrong slip having us tumbling down a mountain side isn’t exciting for me. Now using that same vehicle for mudding, that was a blast!
2) Travels/exploring- my husband is the king of finding natural attractions that our family can go and see and explore in a day trip. Again with my personality, my preference is to stay nestled in our home where we are safe and sound, but I am grateful he has stretched me and dragged me out of my comfort zone because it has made mine and our family’s life fuller.
Hiking, my husband grew up hiking and I didn’t used to like it at all, but have come to love it as much or more than he does recently. Thankfully we live in a place where we have lots of hiking options.
Top Gear (a British car show) he’s a big motorhead and very into anything related to that, I can’t say that in general the topic has become anymore interesting to me but I have come to appreciate the humor in this show (especially the specials) and we enjoy watching it together.
For him, he has adopted my love of the beach and the ocean, not that he didn’t like it before or that he will ever match my unbridled enthusiasm but I think he falls a little more in love with it each year.
I have discovered my inner Geek thanks to my DH. We have been to a couple comic book conventions, have a favorite publisher and Opinions about character development and story trajectory, celebrate May 4, revere Firefly as a show that died too young, and have much memorabilia about DH’s favorite superhero (his to share or not, so I won’t.) Our DD wore a lot of boys clothes as a little girl because she was just ahead of the girl power curve in super hero marketing, and it seems we have indoctrinated her as fully into our fandoms as we have in our faith. (Really hoping–praying–it is just a symptom of her strong-willed nature and normal teenage rebellion to push away a little right now, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.) We finally watched the series finale of The Big Bang Theory the other night and I cried like a baby to say goodbye to those characters!
I also have come to appreciate local history much more as a result of his influence. I’ve always liked “old things” but now I really appreciate immersion in all the Colonial and Civil War history that we are a part of. (We live on the east coast–original 13 colonies and all, history is everywhere!)
We’ve blended our music tastes to a large degree as well. I enjoy certain types of country , he has grown to love the orchestral music in soundtracks.
I think we first started going because he knew I would like it, but now he loves it too: Shakespeare performed live. (He’ll tell me if I’m wrong about the beginning. 😉 )
I enjoy (live) softball/baseball games from my exposure watching him play on the church softball team years ago. I enjoy it a whole lot more when he’s watching with me instead of playing, though.
ETA: He has learned to like antique shopping with me, bless his heart, and we like to search out prizes together, but his mother loves it SO much more, I’m sure he wishes I hadn’t had this interest!
My hubby got me gardening, the first year of our marriage. I hated working in my mom’s garden, so I never thought of having my own, much less enjoying it. I did it for his sake and we have enjoyed it since.
He has surprised himself, I’m sure, by enjoying animals (almost!) as much as I do. I’m fairly certain he never guessed that he would have such a variety of critters, 20 years after marriage, and enjoy them. Our children love them as well and the animals are their projects, now. But, I suppose I am the driving force behind most of them.
I love this question, and I’m really enjoying reading all the answers. Some of you are giving me new hobby ideas!
This is long, but I needed to vent. If anyone has tips for me, I’d love to hear them.
We’ve really failed in this area, and it has been a detriment to our marriage for a long time. When we were dating, we both loved camping and hiking. However, his inability to maintain his health as he’s aged has removed him from that. We’re in our early 40s, so that’s just going to get worse. He’s got high school football injuries, and he stopped being physically active after our marriage in part because of them. He was told in his 20s that knee surgery would be effective, but he’s never wanted to do it.
I dropped hiking for a while because of that, but I learned through my mental breakdown 10 years ago that I will always manage my disease better if I’m regularly out in nature. Medical science has actually proven that for depressives. So when our son joined Scouts, I became a leader, and I am heavily involved in the program. But my husband has little interest, even with non-outdoor activities.
I tried after the breakdown to get involved in my husband’s video game. But he plays it at such a high level that my characters really couldn’t participate with his characters. And I can’t spend hours each day getting my characters up to his level. So I ended up dropping it.
We are unequally yoked, so church activities are out. To his credit, he’s tried. But it didn’t work for him. And the Bible tells me not to push that at all.
I’ve tried to enjoy his football love, but I just can’t get into it. And his stress during a game just contributes to my anxiety.
When we dated, he was always talking about the travel we do. But he’s shown me that he doesn’t really enjoy travel, so that’s out. He’s a homebody at heart, but I crave new experiences.
I’m seriously at a loss. I worry that when our kids are grown, we will have nothing in common. He’s satisfied with his video games and nothing else. And I will always seek real life adventures. I fear it’s going to be a very lonely marriage, come the day.
“Gamers” are another variety of Geeks, so if there is any sort of fandom you can find an interest in, he might be inclined to make a sideways leap and join you. Consider the type of game he plays and go from there–if it’s a space fight game, try Star Wars and Star Trek; if it’s a shoot ’em up game, try comic book super heroes (some are pro-gun, some are not); if it’s Pokemon, try Pokemon Go–just remember to look up from time to time!
Is there a different video game that looks appealing to you? That’s one thing I have just never gotten interested in, but DD has Sims 4 and I could seriously see myself wasting days at a time playing it! (It’s like playing Barbies, but on the computer!) One way to check out a game to see if you might like it is to watch gamers on YouTube. (I couldn’t believe that is such a big Thing until I saw my DD turn to it again and again and endlessly watch video games the way other people watch football. Aaaand then one of them got entertaining! Jack Septiceye playing Minecraft is hilarious. We’ve taken to calling the dog with “Nom nom cookies!” and greeting each other in the morning with “Dingdingding! Top of morning! Irish noises!”) … Maybe that stuff takes on more pleasure when you are watching with a young teenager…
If you tell me what video game he likes, I might be able to point you to something else. Even though I don’t have an interest in all of it, I have at least a passing familiarity with most of it or at least know which friend to go to for which information. (And DH knows pretty much everything in general, anyway.) 😉
One more thing: encourage him to reconsider on the surgery. My dad did the very same thing–injured his knee playing high school football. He put off having his knee replaced to the point where he damaged the other knee and ended up with literally one leg shorter than the other. Because of other things in his life that took a toll on his body, he has had many more surgeries, but has discovered that when he is anointed before hand, the process always goes much more smoothly. The only time he ever had complications was a time he was not anointed before surgery. This is a wonderful opportunity for the Lord to work in his life and draw your DH closer to himself.
Thank you for your suggestions. We’re both geeks, really. Right now, Marvel and Star Wars are probably our biggest commonalities. We just got Disney Plus so we could watch The Mandalorian together.
He plays World of Warcraft. I played for 3 years, but then had to stop for time issues. Our playing styles were so different that it took time away from our marriage, rather than adding to it. He plays at a very high level, and the competition of that was stressing me out. I became interested in other aspects of that world that don’t interest him as much. However, since it’s such a social game, it’s really the only time he interacts with people outside of work. I don’t want to take that from him.
I haven’t brought up the surgery for a while. He’s got back problems, too. I do know he’s been told to lose weight first to see if that would help. Weight loss is such a mental game, and I know he’s not there yet. It’s tough to watch him let his body go so much, knowing that bad health isn’t far behind. All the encouragement and invitations to walk with me and eat healthier aren’t helping.
And all this leads me to realize that we need to have a sit down about this. I didn’t realize how much it’s been bothering me.