“Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys”
This is a two part question/discussion.
@Scott said here, “For instance, yes, guys can push girls’ sexual boundaries…but where’s the question in the opposite direction? Girls absolutely push guys’ sexual boundaries too!”
This made me think of a book that I recently saw an advertisement for, Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys. It’s about conversations you should have with your sons, and questions to ask your daughters. It’s something that I thought could be a good resource for us with our sons.
Has anyone read it or used it?
What has been your experience around “aggressive girls”? Were you one, or have you had one come onto you (maybe even your current wife)? Were you a “clueless boy”, or how did you handle it? Were you taken by surprise, did you resist, did you take advantage of it and “jump on the train”, etc?
I know that when I mentioned the above book with my husband, he said this was his experience. The limited sexual experience he had with another girl (OS), she was the aggressor and he just felt pressure to just go along with it. He says he never would have been the initiator of it with her….this was in high school. I do wonder, but haven’t asked him, if that initial experience is part of what emboldened to push for things and take things further with me?
I know for me, there was times I was an aggressor in our relationship, but it was after he got the ball rolling. I only did it in response, I wouldn’t have been the one to introduce sexual activity into our relationship. In several instances, he was “educating” me, I would have had no clue that some of those things were actually things men and women did.
My first girl friend was when I was in early college. She was a high school senior if I recall. I was clueless, she was not. I don’t know if I would call her aggressive, but she lead in the physical arena for sure. On our first date, I drove her home from a church youth get-together where she came with another friend. She lived a little distance away. When I went to bring her home, she directed me to a ‘make out’ spot. On future dates, our hands went to places (above the waist only) they shouldn’t have gone. I regretted that immensely. Because I felt it ruined my testimony as a Christian young man. I don’t believe she was saved at the time, so I felt like I was not the example I should have been. In hind sight, she got the motors revving, but I wish I had the control to keep to my own convictions. Thankfully I allowed God to forgive me and I could forgive myself, so I don’t think it affected my later relationships, but I wonder to this day if she ever saw Christian guys as any different?
I was the clueless boy dating an aggressive girl leading to my first marriage. She started us down roads that I wasn’t ready to stop when that turned on. I’d never dated much when we met and started dating and I’d certainly not gone anywhere near that line or gotten that turned on. Again, that took me down a road of following rather than leading well and I live with those regrets which built a poor foundation for our marriage bed in my first marriage.
Before that while in college, I did have a woman about 10 years old than me proposition me on numerous occasions working & living at a summer tourist destination. She made it clear she was more than willing to jump my bones and take my virginity with no strings attached. She said she was a self proclaimed sex addict. That seemed easy to say no to because I wasn’t in a relationship with her nor turned on because I wouldn’t let myself get in those situations, let alone the threat of STDs.
Although I wasn’t “clueless” my first sexual experience was with a girl who was almost a year older than me and who had lost her virginity to her previous boyfriend. I was eager and she feigned resistance but subtly encouraged me to keep pressing on so I thought I’d “earned” it LOL. So looking back, i’d say that she was aggressive, the antithesis of my DW a few years later.
I never had a girl press hard for IC or OS, so I don’t know if my experience fits your criteria. However, I will say most of them were much more aggressive than I was. I got dumped twice by fairly “good girls” for not pressing physically in the relationship. In other words, they weren’t going to press, but wanted me to. Go figure.
I have not read the book, I was a shy, naive boy growing up until the latter years of college. I suspect I was hit on especially in college but too clueless to know what was going on. There is a reason for this which I will share / come out a later time.
I’ve been working and coaching in a high school for 38 years and I think the girls are much more aggressive today than when I first started. Some of this can be good, I guess, in that girls feel liberated to act this way. The environment is extremely sexualized , however, and much about the opposite sex in the form of clothes, appearance, gossip, etc. This used to be prevalent among boys but now it exists in both sexes equally.
I have not read the book.
My first experiences were with the young lady who became my first wife. I admit I got the ball rolling physically, but once we got started she was more aggressive than I was initiating sexual activity and would try anything I suggested. Looking back on it,I think she made herself available initially and gave me hints that she was ready to push our sexual boundaries further and further, which I was more than willing to do, so it sounds like a consensual situation.
That marriage lasted 14 years, ending in divorce. The problems came when I expected my second wife to be as eager and adventurous as my first wife in the MB, which was not the case at all.