Always by my side

    My wife and I have never spent a night apart in our 18 years of marriage.

    It’s not a sexual thing at all (there’s been many nights without sex). When we were dating, I traveled a lot and she felt like I put everything else before us. When we married, we had a “if I’m going, you’re going” approach. It kept going and eventually we got to the point where it would be lame to break our streak. So here we are, 18 years later, sharing the same bed every single night!

    Curious if anyone else has a similar experience?

    Queen bed Asked on November 18, 2019 in Non-Sexual Romance .
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    13 Answer(s)

      DH and I have spent almost all our nights together, in our 21 years of marriage. Of course, when our babies were born, we were apart for 2 to 4 nights at a time, for each of them.

      Also, when DH’s father was slowly dying, he flew to spend a week with him and wanted me to take the children and go visit my family.

      DH has also taken a couple of very short business trips in the last couple of years.

      I turned down the trip of a lifetime to Phoenix, Arizona, with a few lady friends, because I simply couldn’t bear to go without DH. I’m not much good without him, and whats the fun in 6 whole days without him?!

      Fell out of ... Answered on November 18, 2019.
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        That’s interesting and amazing!

        Hasn’t happened here. I’m not ever sure we would have a year where we were together every night for a full year. In most cases, DW wishes we weren’t apart, because she doesn’t sleep as well without me 🙂 Or even if I come home late, she struggles to rest well until I’m beside her!

        Under the stars Answered on November 18, 2019.
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          @one_woman_man on the rare occasion I try to take a nap, I have a hard time falling sleep because I’m so used to her being snuggled up beside me when I fall asleep.

          Queen bed Answered on November 18, 2019.
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            Not even close for us!

            In our nearly 50 years of marriage, business (work week business trips, long-term commuting, etc.) and other independent activities (retreats, family visits, guys/gals week or weekend outings, etc.), we calculate that we’ve not slept side-side-side for about six (6) of those years. We have never rued our nights apart; often those times apart result in some pretty phenomenal sex and great times of deep, intimate conversation upon reuniting. The number of single roses and bouquets presented to Mrs. Youngbear/Oldbear upon my return are countless.

            We have learned to relish being together, side-by-side in bed as well as comfortably being apart.

            On the floor Answered on November 18, 2019.
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              DH does not care for travel, so has only rarely gone anywhere without me. One time he did go away with some guys for a fun weekend, he had just an awful heavy feeling before he left and really didn’t want to go. It was a bit of a combination work/fun weekend and they were kind of counting on him, so not having any more of a reason than a “feeling” to stay home, he went (though we prayed fervently about the situation). On the way they made a stop and he was injured badly enough to go to the nearest ER and skip the rest of the trip. We’ve never decided whether the feeling was about that injury (which was bad enough, but not nearly as catastrophic as I can imagine) or the injury was God’s louder message to save him from something worse had he continued. Anyway, I think he has only been away from me overnight maybe once since then, and it was for a men’s retreat with our church, he’s just not into that kind of thing so has not repeated that experience. And I have not had reason to be away from him. (He stayed in the room with me both times I stayed overnight in the hospital.)

              If our life included the necessity of learning to spend nights apart, we would have managed somehow, but I am so grateful we have not had to do so in our 26 years. I don’t even like that he has begun waking up so early in the morning that we don’t wake up together anymore. (I never wake up early!) He has encouraged me to go on trips if I wanted to without him so that he is not limiting me, but a big part of the appeal of travel for me would be the romantic moments and without him, what’s the point? So we stay home together, and I am okay with that.

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on November 19, 2019.
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                Happy for you! But, not here…. that sounds very limiting to me. All I can think about is the personal and spiritual growth that we would have missed out on by not going to men’s retreats or conferences, women’s retreats or conferences, missions trips, etc. The connections and learning my kids and I would have missed not being willing to travel and go visit family, grandparents, family reunions, etc. without my husband.

                Now those all-nighters my husband has done when he should have been in bed and has robbed me of sleep, those I could have done without 😉

                Under the stars Answered on November 18, 2019.
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                  I’ve been a scout leader several times and have been on overnighters with the scouts.  My wife has gone to multi-day homeschool retreats. So, no.

                  Hammock Answered on November 18, 2019.
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                    @SeekingChange it certainly isn’t for everyone! The only things I feel like I’ve missed out on would be travel opportunities at work (professional development workshops mostly), and I don’t consider that to be a big loss. It has forced us to be strategic with our budget so we can travel together when travel is going to happen. I have traveled occasionally for work, and it’s been a blessing to take my wife (and sometimes the kids) along. When my plane ticket and hotel are paid for, a second ticket for my wife hasn’t been that much of an obstacle, and then we get a trip together for cheap. We’ve often extended our travel by a few days on those occasions to have a partially paid for vacation.

                    Queen bed Answered on November 18, 2019.

                    Men’s retreats and conferences are part of my husband’s job, there’s no “allowing me to come”, going to happen there 🙂 And I wouldn’t want to …. the smells, the snores make me shudder just thinking of it 😀

                    on November 18, 2019.
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                      @OldBear I have at time wondered what I’m missing out on by never having that time of reconnecting after being gone. However, I’ve also pondered that my wife might be resentful of my absence and hold it against me more than celebrate my return.

                      All that being said, a few weeks ago I was taking students to a conference and was out the door at 6 am and back home at 11pm two days in a row. So we didn’t have any time together, other than snuggled next to each other while sleeping. The day after the conference ended we reconnected in a big way; we ML twice that day and several more times that week. So maybe I’ve got the best of both worlds ☺️

                      Queen bed Answered on November 18, 2019.
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                        37 years here, and it would be almost impossible to say with certainty, but I would estimate that we have been separated somewhere between a quarter to a third of our marriage. We were separated for a year within a few months of being married, and then I was home for a few months, and then gone for another 6. That seemed to set the pattern for the rest of our marriage. We have had some lengthy spells where I was home, but then they would be followed by lengthy separations.

                        California King Answered on November 18, 2019.
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