So, I’m the higher drive spouse. Always have been. DH has always struggled more with interest in actual sex. He’d be an average of a once a month guy if it were up to him. No porn or other issues involved……it’s been like that all through our 20’s and going into early 30’s. So we’ve just sort of learned to compromise. I adjusted my expectations….a lot…and he’s learned when I absolutely need it, to just go with it-I don’t get super miserable about it that often. DH has just started meds for depression at my insistance. He really needs it and I need for it for him. However, I know those meds can affect drive even more…can any younger couples or husbands comment on drive experiences with antidepressants? Is this going to get us where sex is totally non existent? It’s not far from it as it is. I’m kind of hoping he’ll be more interested as he feels better and starts taking better care of himself. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Has he had his testosterone levels tested? My dh had a gradual but distinct decrease in sex drive over the course of a year plus and when he spoke to his doctor about it his doctor thought it was depression related (he had also lost interest in many of his usual activities/hobbies, was irritable, anxious and tired all the time). His doctor prescribed wellbutrin which from what I understand is an antidepressant that is not supposed to have a negative impact on sexual interest/function. However it didn’t do much for my dh and long story short (many doctors and tests later) he ended up having quite low levels of testosterone for his age. Once he got treatment for that his sexul desire and function returned to normal and his depression/tiredness/apathy etc. abated as well.
Its something to look into if you haven’t already. A lot of doctors are not up to date on what constitutes a normal range especially for younger men. If you do get his levels tested I wouldn’t just accept “its normal” but ask for the actual numbers so you can compare them yourself. Here is a good link with information on ideal levels and other symptoms:
@Thepinkveggie, if he is below normal he is way too low. My husband is 45 and for him, his optimum total T is between 1000-1200. He was symptomatic with 900 and it was too low for him. The optimal goal of free T is mid-20s. Most doctors, unless specializing in bhrt, don’t really know what they are doing.
I have a few comments/insights on antidepressant medications. Although I am not married (will be in ~6 weeks!), I have been on a couple of different antidepressants and I’m in the medical field as well (though I will not give medical advice on this website). SSRI’s (zoloft, prozac, etc.) can really hinder sex drive/climaxing and it did for me (I just didn’t masturbate as often and even if I wanted to, having an orgasm was impossible). As I was thinking of marriage, I decided to switch to another antidepressant. Basically any antidepressant that increases serotonin will decrease climax. I switched to bupropion since it increases dopamine and norepinephrine and doesn’t touch serotonin– no problems since 🙂
Hopefully you guys can get it figured out!
His testosterone level is really low, especially for his age, and it is at play and it could be the root of the problem. I strongly encourage you to get his T numbers up before you even begin to play with psychotropic drugs. We use Defy Medical, which is telemedicine, but it has been a great experience for us. Dr. Saya is very knowledgeable and his goal is not a number but what is optimal for each individual. But you can search for a bhrt doctor in your area.
My husband’s levels ranged from the low 300’s to just under 400 when we first started to have him tested (he was 29 at the time) and while many doctors called that “normal” it was not, it was way to low for him. Once he found a competent knowledgeable doctor and got treatment he said it was a night and day difference (and I also noticed a distinctive difference in everything from his libido to demeanor). His doctor likes to see him not go below 600 on his low day (the time right before he’s due for another injection) and even at 600 he feels “low” and can tell a difference.