Any sexual things before marriage?
We did a lot…way too much…before we were married, although on our wedding night we were “technical virgins”.
Regrets definitely kicked in, which any sin needs to be regretted or I say we haven’t repented. But that doesn’t mean we have to throw away the whole experience and not learn the good from it and redeem it.
I had guilt kick in, which actually led to me to eventually stop almost everything we did do pre-marriage. Funny. the one thing we didn’t do before marriage, PIV, became the only thing we would do, even if rarely, in a window of several years. In my guilt, I blamed my husband for pushing as much as he did and for not standing strong and protecting us. In guilt, it’s easy to think a certain thing or action is actually what is tainted or sinful, and we don’t like that reminder and those feelings, so we distance ourselves from it, often by stopping it all together.
Good news for us….after some really bad years, including sexually, we worked on our marriage and actually worked through those things from 19 years back, and the guilt was gone, and everything came back out of the closet I had shoved it in to hide. Things were redeemed. What we tainted with sin before marriage, God still has it deemed holy and blessed in marriage…I was the slow one in learning that.
Although she had had a steady boyfriend before me, my wife was very inexperienced sexually when we started dating as Seniors in HS back in the fall of 1971. I had just moved into town the year before and had had a steady girlfriend that I had done everything with in the town I had moved from 6 states away,, and then, in my new town I had dated a girl who was good with everything except PIV…. I enjoyed her company but knew that I would never desire a future with her. My FOO was very unsettled… my parents estranged and my father on the verge of bankruptcy before their divorce a few years later.
My DW was a Christian and the local Young Life chapter was “her crowd”. Her parents were very strict and she was obedient. I, on the other hand, had been “raised in the church” and confirmed at 13 but church hadn’t been a part of my or my family’s life for about 5 yrs by that time and I certainly did not have a relationship with the living Lord Jesus. Besides her beauty, I was attracted to my future DW’s “centeredness”… she was stable and clear about her morals and that pleasing Jesus was her priority. We dated the rest our Sr year and steadily that summer – kissing and eventually heavy petting that she “made me work for every step of the way” – before I went away to college 2 states away (to the south) and she went away to a church school in an adjoining state to the north.. Neither of us dated others. We wrote and saw each other when we came home for holidays . Our relationship deepened and I asked her to marry me at the end of the following summer just before I returned for my So year in college. We set our wedding for the following summer and once she had my ring and knew that I was serious our physical relationship progressed beyond petting… to PIV that fall, I wasn’t saved until about 10 years later but even then I knew that her virginity was a gift that she cherished and I will always be grateful to her for giving it to me. I was fully committed to our marriage and I knew that what we had was far, far different and deeper than what I’d had with the other girls.
We have discussed it and prayed together and asked God to forgive us – and He has – but I know that she has wished that we had waited until we were married and sometimes wondered if rough waters that we were going through in our almost 46 year marriage were because we didn’t. I don’t dwell on it – I just try to please my Lord in my day to day decisions and witness to His reality in my life. Neither of us have ever strayed and we both know that it is the Holy Spirit who is faithful to remind us of what we profess to believe and to convict us when we are tempted to let our thoughts or actions go where they shouldn’t.
Although I never led them to believe more than I felt a future together, I have also asked and received forgiveness for the sexual relationships I had with girls before my wife and have prayed that they have come into a saving relationship with Jesus and asked Him to bless them and their families.
My H was a backslidden believer and i was not a believer so i didn’t think anything of it and we did everything. No flames please because this isn’t any judgement on anyone but personally i believe all but kissing should be reserved for marriage.
The wife (or girlfriend at the time) were both Christians, but in a bad post-high school disillusionment phase. We had sex quite often among other things like drugs and drinking.
A couple of years into our relationship I felt (right or wrong) the Lord calling me to “repent or ELSE” and I knew this season had to end before the facade of righteousness would come crashing down before everyone I cared about.
So, on January 26, 2005 I repented of all of it. I never did another illegal drug and used legal drugs responsibly, I never drank more than just a little wine with my wife on rare occasions, and we never had PIV sex until the day we got married. There were several times it went too far other things, but we felt the guilt and repented together.
After we got married we started a worship band and got heavily involved with our church’s youth group.
It so much better to have sex under the blessing of Jesus rather than the guilt of lust.
Other than making out, DW & I waited till our honeymoon and it was AWESOME that night!
With our first marriages, both of us had made sinful choices sexually with our ex’s previous to the marriage and as Christians, we decided right from the start, we were NOT gonna make those choices this time around. We set boundaries, make sure we were in public places, OR had to go home early sometimes. It was AND has been SOOOO worth it!
Nothing sexual before marriage. And we don’t regret that. We kissed and hugged, but no fondling or stuff like that. Not that we weren’t tempted! Or aroused. Looking back, we both are thankful to God for helping us wait for everything to be tried and enjoyed our wedding night and honeymoon.
I applaud those who were able to control those screaming urges and enjoy sex for the first time together after the vows were spoken. We gave in and enjoyed PIV numerous times before marriage. I know the associated guilt affected our sexual relationship for a while but we eventually worked through it with Gods grace and forgiveness.
We drew the line at kissing before marriage so our first experiences of kissing, petting , and PIV intercourse were after the wedding.
Thinking back there were some things we did that resulted in sexual arousal but it wasn’t really the intent. Things like nuzzling (which we discovered later was actually just as arousing as kissing) could generate a sexual response in both of us.
The thing I most remember (which was completely innocent) was her giving me a massive hug after I asked her to be my girlfriend. I came from a conservative homeschooling household so the purity culture and “side-hugs” were popular. She was more well-rounded and wasn’t afraid to be around boys (which was one of the reasons I was attracted to her). So she gives me this deep full frontal hug to express her happiness and as I wrapped my arms around her I felt her breasts tight against my chest. Boy was I turned on. I didn’t want that hug to end, ever. lol
I don’t regret the above actions as even being in her presence could sometimes give me a hard on and we weren’t trying to stimulate each other.
What I did struggle with was mostly in my thought life. I couldn’t stop vividly imagining having sex with her. I do regret indulging in thoughts that ended up confusing me when sex didn’t exactly add up to what was in my head. That is why the Lord says not to lust.