Any sexual things before marriage?

Were there any sexual (sexy) times or actions done with your partners before marrying them whether big or small? Why or why not? Were there any regrets, or were there things that were accepted and enjoyed before marriage?

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29 Answer(s)

    In the last five weeks before the big day, DW and I crossed several lines – pretty much did anything that could be done with my 👖 on.

    DW was my first real girlfriend, my first (everything sexual), and is now my first (and current) wife.
    She had a rocky past. She left an abusive relationship when she was three months pregnant.
    Early in our engagement, she thought that it would take her a long time to warm up to making love with me.

    We enjoyed what we did, although there were times that I wondered if I’d went too far, or if there was a line between kissing and foreplay that was the line between ok and sin.
    She told me that she was willing to trust me on which lines I wanted to cross.

    We saved PiV for our wedding night.

    Queen bed Answered on April 4, 2020.
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      We enjoyed (I thought) oral sex for several months before we got married. After we got married, wife said she didn’t really like oral sex, giving or getting. After that, we did less and less and no don’t do oral at all.

      On the floor Answered on April 4, 2020.

      I’ve heard that story from more than one. I think there is likely a mental/emotional barrier for some. I think there are several reasons including the “catch vs caught” mentality and guilt that gets attached  to certain acts – including sex in general. That guilt is temporarily overridden by the dopamine and other endorphins of early attraction. But when those wane within marriage, guilt takes back command.

      on April 6, 2020.
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        A lot of touchy-feely-handsy stuff, but no PIV or oral or anything.

        Hammock Answered on April 4, 2020.
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          This statement by @SC fits our experience, as well.

          ‘ “We did a lot…way too much…before we were married, although on our wedding night we were “technical virgins”. ‘

          I was (to my chagrin) the aggressor during our courtship and it affected us for a couple of years after we were married. Mrs. Youngbear had put the brakes-on so much and often  during our courtship that it took her a long time to heal and fully embrace married sexual freedom. This is a regret for me, yet I’ve been forgiven by her and the Lord. Thankfully, we moved far away from the wounding of inappropriate pre-marital sexual activity and we’ve come to enjoy the joy and freedom of our marriage bed for many years!

          We were able to share with our children during their dating years respectful and appropriate principles and sexual boundaries. Each of them have shared their gratitude for being virgins on their wedding night.

          Under the stars Answered on April 5, 2020.
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            We did some passionate kissing sessions that got us both “wet”, but we went no further than that.  Looking back, we probably should’ve reigned in our passions a little more, because our actions could have led to more serious transgressions.  We are fortunate they didn’t.

            On the floor Answered on April 6, 2020.
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              Two weeks before marriage, ironically right after the “sex talk,” at pre-marital  counseling we made out and rubbed each other over our clothes until we both orgasmed. We felt horribly guilty and barely kissed again until our wedding night. I really wish we would have had more self control.

              Queen bed Answered on April 6, 2020.
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                I must admit that we did everything before we got married (after we got engaged). We were too weak to resist the temptation. But we never touched any drugs and only ever drank alcohol in miniscule quantities (e.g. on ceremonial occasions).

                Regrets? I don’t know. It wasn’t right but neither of us is perfect. On a positive note, we stayed together, we got married, have been together happily for almost 30 years and never cheated on each other. So I guess we don’t think about it too much these days, it’s in the past. I have asked for the Lord’s forgiveness.

                Fell out of ... Answered on April 7, 2020.
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                  Yes we did something’s before marriage. No PIV and no oral. Yes we did shower together and nap together naked or just underpants. We did talk of getting pregnant to push the wedding earlier. But decided to hold off PIV until marriage. We also abstained from some action about 1-2 months before our wedding. This is when I moved out of my folks house into what would be our apartment. She still lived at her folks house. Most of that time we did not have much time alone. Or too tired getting our house ready. But once we got married all bets were off and we did everything we did before marriage and PIV was so wonderful. There was action everyday even when we had mono together.

                  Queen bed Answered on April 9, 2020.
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                    My wife and I did not have sex prior to marriage.  When married, I was a virgin and she was not.  (She came to Christ in college.)  We had a few episodes during our engagement where things got a little too hot and heavy which led to a brief touch.  Both times, we felt conviction and stopped mid episode and repented.  We did make out during our engagement, but it didn’t go anywhere beyond kissing.

                    Queen bed Answered on April 4, 2020.
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                      Prior to marriage in the year and a half of dating and engagement period, we did not have sex or was there any heavy petting.  We did no drugs or alcohol.  I was a six-year convert and she had known the Lord since a child.  There were a couple of times I did kiss her on the neck and that brought everything to a stop, we said good night and I went home.  Well, it’s not as though  I couldn’t feel that there was more to want it at the time.  But, it was the Holy Spirit, it was with great anticipation of a coming wedding night, it was our commitment to the Lord, the responsibility before our families, etc., that guided us.    I was annoyed at the time that she would not kiss for more than 10 seconds before coming up for a break, and that worked to keep us thinking and not just doing.  But, I got over that.

                      Now the years after marriage were awful sexually speaking in critical ways, and I often wondered if it was the same church upbringing/teaching that led us to our premarital engagement experience.  I’m not ungrateful for it but I do recognize that our struggles were just different than others and every bit as deeply a part of our own sinfulness.

                      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on April 4, 2020.
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