Any sexual things before marriage?
Well… after our first real date while dating we pretty much crossed every boundary – OS, PIV, you name it. We continued this until we got engaged 2 1/2 years later when we stopped PIV. We did continue OS. I regret it some, but I am glad we stopped PIV for the year before our marriage. The honeymoon was H-O-T!!!!
I applaud those who were able to control those screaming urges and enjoy sex for the first time together after the vows were spoken. We gave in and enjoyed PIV numerous times before marriage. I know the associated guilt affected our sexual relationship for a while but we eventually worked through it with Gods grace and forgiveness.
Thankfully early in our dating as I started treating this young lady (now DW) like I would have any other girl, she clearly said that sex would be for marriage only. She was the first person to ever give me a reason to wait and I respected her for that and am now so very thankful she took that stance. Through her example, I accepted Christ and am glad I don’t have those regrets. I’m truly blessed with a virtuous woman and we enjoy a great sex life, due in large part to her being willing to wait till marriage.
Although she had had a steady boyfriend before me, my wife was very inexperienced sexually when we started dating as Seniors in HS back in the fall of 1971. I had just moved into town the year before and had had a steady girlfriend that I had done everything with in the town I had moved from 6 states away,, and then, in my new town I had dated a girl who was good with everything except PIV…. I enjoyed her company but knew that I would never desire a future with her. My FOO was very unsettled… my parents estranged and my father on the verge of bankruptcy before their divorce a few years later.
My DW was a Christian and the local Young Life chapter was “her crowd”. Her parents were very strict and she was obedient. I, on the other hand, had been “raised in the church” and confirmed at 13 but church hadn’t been a part of my or my family’s life for about 5 yrs by that time and I certainly did not have a relationship with the living Lord Jesus. Besides her beauty, I was attracted to my future DW’s “centeredness”… she was stable and clear about her morals and that pleasing Jesus was her priority. We dated the rest our Sr year and steadily that summer – kissing and eventually heavy petting that she “made me work for every step of the way” – before I went away to college 2 states away (to the south) and she went away to a church school in an adjoining state to the north.. Neither of us dated others. We wrote and saw each other when we came home for holidays . Our relationship deepened and I asked her to marry me at the end of the following summer just before I returned for my So year in college. We set our wedding for the following summer and once she had my ring and knew that I was serious our physical relationship progressed beyond petting… to PIV that fall, I wasn’t saved until about 10 years later but even then I knew that her virginity was a gift that she cherished and I will always be grateful to her for giving it to me. I was fully committed to our marriage and I knew that what we had was far, far different and deeper than what I’d had with the other girls.
We have discussed it and prayed together and asked God to forgive us – and He has – but I know that she has wished that we had waited until we were married and sometimes wondered if rough waters that we were going through in our almost 46 year marriage were because we didn’t. I don’t dwell on it – I just try to please my Lord in my day to day decisions and witness to His reality in my life. Neither of us have ever strayed and we both know that it is the Holy Spirit who is faithful to remind us of what we profess to believe and to convict us when we are tempted to let our thoughts or actions go where they shouldn’t.
Although I never led them to believe more than I felt a future together, I have also asked and received forgiveness for the sexual relationships I had with girls before my wife and have prayed that they have come into a saving relationship with Jesus and asked Him to bless them and their families.