Any sexual things before marriage?
This statement by @SC fits our experience, as well.
‘ “We did a lot…way too much…before we were married, although on our wedding night we were “technical virgins”. ‘
I was (to my chagrin) the aggressor during our courtship and it affected us for a couple of years after we were married. Mrs. Youngbear had put the brakes-on so much and often during our courtship that it took her a long time to heal and fully embrace married sexual freedom. This is a regret for me, yet I’ve been forgiven by her and the Lord. Thankfully, we moved far away from the wounding of inappropriate pre-marital sexual activity and we’ve come to enjoy the joy and freedom of our marriage bed for many years!
We were able to share with our children during their dating years respectful and appropriate principles and sexual boundaries. Each of them have shared their gratitude for being virgins on their wedding night.
We did some passionate kissing sessions that got us both “wet”, but we went no further than that. Looking back, we probably should’ve reigned in our passions a little more, because our actions could have led to more serious transgressions. We are fortunate they didn’t.
Sex was better before than it ever has been after marriage. If I could turn back time, I would do a lot of things differently. With my now wife as well as a plethora of other women before her. Thankfully there has not been any physical contact with any other post-engagement. Virtual contact notwithstanding. I regret it all. I know it has impacted us. It has impacted her, though she would never admit it. One does not grieve the loss of something they never had. It is difficult to build a new house on an old, broken foundation. We have come a long way.
Yes, things can improve, but there is a reason God designed the marriage as he did. I wish I had’ve known that a long time ago. All I can do now is try to teach other, especially my children, the truth.
Two weeks before marriage, ironically right after the “sex talk,” at pre-marital counseling we made out and rubbed each other over our clothes until we both orgasmed. We felt horribly guilty and barely kissed again until our wedding night. I really wish we would have had more self control.
I must admit that we did everything before we got married (after we got engaged). We were too weak to resist the temptation. But we never touched any drugs and only ever drank alcohol in miniscule quantities (e.g. on ceremonial occasions).
Regrets? I don’t know. It wasn’t right but neither of us is perfect. On a positive note, we stayed together, we got married, have been together happily for almost 30 years and never cheated on each other. So I guess we don’t think about it too much these days, it’s in the past. I have asked for the Lord’s forgiveness.
We drew the line at kissing before marriage so our first experiences of kissing, petting , and PIV intercourse were after the wedding.
Thinking back there were some things we did that resulted in sexual arousal but it wasn’t really the intent. Things like nuzzling (which we discovered later was actually just as arousing as kissing) could generate a sexual response in both of us.
The thing I most remember (which was completely innocent) was her giving me a massive hug after I asked her to be my girlfriend. I came from a conservative homeschooling household so the purity culture and “side-hugs” were popular. She was more well-rounded and wasn’t afraid to be around boys (which was one of the reasons I was attracted to her). So she gives me this deep full frontal hug to express her happiness and as I wrapped my arms around her I felt her breasts tight against my chest. Boy was I turned on. I didn’t want that hug to end, ever. lol
I don’t regret the above actions as even being in her presence could sometimes give me a hard on and we weren’t trying to stimulate each other.
What I did struggle with was mostly in my thought life. I couldn’t stop vividly imagining having sex with her. I do regret indulging in thoughts that ended up confusing me when sex didn’t exactly add up to what was in my head. That is why the Lord says not to lust.
Yes we did something’s before marriage. No PIV and no oral. Yes we did shower together and nap together naked or just underpants. We did talk of getting pregnant to push the wedding earlier. But decided to hold off PIV until marriage. We also abstained from some action about 1-2 months before our wedding. This is when I moved out of my folks house into what would be our apartment. She still lived at her folks house. Most of that time we did not have much time alone. Or too tired getting our house ready. But once we got married all bets were off and we did everything we did before marriage and PIV was so wonderful. There was action everyday even when we had mono together.
Thank you for posting this..
Happily my wife and I saved all “real” sex (like OS and PIV) for marriage.
We did some other things though…
We have both repented, we are both Christians, and happily married since the day I joined the old forums as ScienceNerd28 back in 2016.
But I must say that as a forgiven Christian who did marry the girl, I believe our relationship with all it’s faults has been sanctified by our marriage in Christ. I treasure those first sexual memories together and am thankful they didn’t derail our relationship, even though they happened a bit too early. And I am happy we had the spark back then, and still have that spark and passion after several years!
No one’s perfect but I will take the messy and imperfect, but passionate, anyday over a “perfect” relationship with no premarital mistakes, but little to no attraction.