Any sexual things before marriage?
My wife and I did not have sex prior to marriage. When married, I was a virgin and she was not. (She came to Christ in college.) We had a few episodes during our engagement where things got a little too hot and heavy which led to a brief touch. Both times, we felt conviction and stopped mid episode and repented. We did make out during our engagement, but it didn’t go anywhere beyond kissing.
In the last five weeks before the big day, DW and I crossed several lines – pretty much did anything that could be done with my 👖 on.
DW was my first real girlfriend, my first (everything sexual), and is now my first (and current) wife.
She had a rocky past. She left an abusive relationship when she was three months pregnant.
Early in our engagement, she thought that it would take her a long time to warm up to making love with me.
We enjoyed what we did, although there were times that I wondered if I’d went too far, or if there was a line between kissing and foreplay that was the line between ok and sin.
She told me that she was willing to trust me on which lines I wanted to cross.
We saved PiV for our wedding night.
The wife (or girlfriend at the time) were both Christians, but in a bad post-high school disillusionment phase. We had sex quite often among other things like drugs and drinking.
A couple of years into our relationship I felt (right or wrong) the Lord calling me to “repent or ELSE” and I knew this season had to end before the facade of righteousness would come crashing down before everyone I cared about.
So, on January 26, 2005 I repented of all of it. I never did another illegal drug and used legal drugs responsibly, I never drank more than just a little wine with my wife on rare occasions, and we never had PIV sex until the day we got married. There were several times it went too far other things, but we felt the guilt and repented together.
After we got married we started a worship band and got heavily involved with our church’s youth group.
It so much better to have sex under the blessing of Jesus rather than the guilt of lust.
Other than making out, DW & I waited till our honeymoon and it was AWESOME that night!
With our first marriages, both of us had made sinful choices sexually with our ex’s previous to the marriage and as Christians, we decided right from the start, we were NOT gonna make those choices this time around. We set boundaries, make sure we were in public places, OR had to go home early sometimes. It was AND has been SOOOO worth it!
Prior to marriage in the year and a half of dating and engagement period, we did not have sex or was there any heavy petting. We did no drugs or alcohol. I was a six-year convert and she had known the Lord since a child. There were a couple of times I did kiss her on the neck and that brought everything to a stop, we said good night and I went home. Well, it’s not as though I couldn’t feel that there was more to want it at the time. But, it was the Holy Spirit, it was with great anticipation of a coming wedding night, it was our commitment to the Lord, the responsibility before our families, etc., that guided us. I was annoyed at the time that she would not kiss for more than 10 seconds before coming up for a break, and that worked to keep us thinking and not just doing. But, I got over that.
Now the years after marriage were awful sexually speaking in critical ways, and I often wondered if it was the same church upbringing/teaching that led us to our premarital engagement experience. I’m not ungrateful for it but I do recognize that our struggles were just different than others and every bit as deeply a part of our own sinfulness.
We did deep kissing, heavy petting, full nudity, MS, and OS. Basically everything except PIV. Certainly regret it, though I don’t know that it caused us any significant problems once married.
Honestly, the first/only thing we’ve added except PIV since after getting married was the vibe, which was 12 yr after marriage. Everything else but PIV was added before.
We did a lot…way too much…before we were married, although on our wedding night we were “technical virgins”.
Regrets definitely kicked in, which any sin needs to be regretted or I say we haven’t repented. But that doesn’t mean we have to throw away the whole experience and not learn the good from it and redeem it.
I had guilt kick in, which actually led to me to eventually stop almost everything we did do pre-marriage. Funny. the one thing we didn’t do before marriage, PIV, became the only thing we would do, even if rarely, in a window of several years. In my guilt, I blamed my husband for pushing as much as he did and for not standing strong and protecting us. In guilt, it’s easy to think a certain thing or action is actually what is tainted or sinful, and we don’t like that reminder and those feelings, so we distance ourselves from it, often by stopping it all together.
Good news for us….after some really bad years, including sexually, we worked on our marriage and actually worked through those things from 19 years back, and the guilt was gone, and everything came back out of the closet I had shoved it in to hide. Things were redeemed. What we tainted with sin before marriage, God still has it deemed holy and blessed in marriage…I was the slow one in learning that.
Nothing sexual before marriage. And we don’t regret that. We kissed and hugged, but no fondling or stuff like that. Not that we weren’t tempted! Or aroused. Looking back, we both are thankful to God for helping us wait for everything to be tried and enjoyed our wedding night and honeymoon.
My H was a backslidden believer and i was not a believer so i didn’t think anything of it and we did everything. No flames please because this isn’t any judgement on anyone but personally i believe all but kissing should be reserved for marriage.