Are Sex Toys Helpful or Hurtful?
Seems to be a lot disagreement on this one in the Christian sex blogging.
I figure they are like any other kind of item, they are neither good nor bad. It’s what you do with them and how they affect you that determines it.
If toys help build delight and intimacy in your marriage, great. If they remind you of and pull you back into your old pornography habit, it’s a bad thing for you. If a toy helps with sexual function, it’s good. If a toy makes your spouse feel used or shamed, it’s bad.
Know yourself. Know your spouse. Do what blesses and builds your marriage and sex life.
We introduced toys into our marriage bed after 15 years of marriage. I guess my view prior to that had been that they were not appropriate, but my sexual upbringing was mediocre at best. My DW was raised in a positive atmosphere, but had never considered toys. We found that she was able to experience much more pleasure with them, and it also taught me how to manually pleasure her more effectively. They are not a substitute in any way, but definitely an enhancement. Sometimes we will start with one to warm her up, but she always sets it aside eventually and says “I want YOU now.” Occasionally she will continue with one after I am spent if she wants a bit more. I am usually caressing her randomly while she finishes. Toys have really enhanced our marriage bed and relationship.
Toys have helped DW enjoy sex in a way not possible without them. When she enjoys it more, so do I. We started using them after many years of marriage. I feel toys are like anything else that enhances your life. A comfy mattress enhances our sex life, does that make a mattress sinful?
It’s the attitude of your heart that matters.
Toys have definitely been a blessing for our marriage. DW and I were married for over 20 years before we turned to toys to help her orgasm. We always start by having her O (using a wand-style toy, or lately, the eroscillator), and then follow up with PIV sex. Not surprisingly, she reports her experience of PIV sex is much better now that she can orgasm (even though she orgasms prior to our starting PIV sex). I regret that we waited so long to seek this solution.
I don’t see any harm in using toys, alone or together, as long as doing so isn’t harmful for reasons that go beyond just using the toy. I think my wife has a different attitude, though. I’ve bought her a few toys and I’d love for her to use them to pleasure herself whenever she wants, but I think she somehow feels guilty about it. It may be the result of some bad teaching she got through a different church that she went to before we met.