Are you an open book?
Does your spouse know everything about your thinking about sex? All your experiences and fantasies? Do you think you know everything about them? Are some things left secret?
I was having a very similar thought and thought about posting it. There is a marriage study that my wife and I have done where it talks about studying your spouse. My wife admits to being bad at this.
What is funny is this: I’ve never been shy about telling her what I want sexually. There’s not much to study.
Reading the book is one thing. Applying it is always another.
My wife has read way more of me (my book) today than earlier in our marriage–not just because she’s had more time to read, but because I’ve felt more safe with her to disclose. Still, there are some pages I’ve held back; what I allow her to “read” depends on how I understand her capacity to accept (and not be intimidated by) the content. She is much more reserved than am I. But, over the last two years especially, she has been much more eager to read my book. I am game to share as much as she is willing to read. My sexual history is on the table and she has read that chapter. The chapters capturing my fantasies and expansive desire are on offer, but still often guarded, as I work to protect her from being overwhelmed.