So I’m porn-free since June 18, and my loving wife has been really supportive. That said, sex has been really difficult for both of us.
My wife is beautiful, in amazing shape for having had 3 c-section babies, and very attractive to me. When we are intimate, I haven’t had an issue getting an erection if I’m doing things to her. When I take the focus off of me, there are no issues.
However, if she is trying to initiate and lead during foreplay, or if we are making out in bed, I’m not getting hard. I don’t know where the disconnect is. I’ve been prescribed viagra’s generic, and I’ve taken it with success, but I really want my body to respond to her and her alone. Any help is much appreciated.
Don’t worry about it. Seriously, if you can maintain an erection other times it is probably your mind that is the issue. It will probably not be an easy conversation, but explain it to your wife, and see if together, you can redefine what foreplay, etc. Looks like so you can focus on her some.
For the record, I have a similar issue. My arrousal is never as full if the focus is just on me, but is enhanced greatly by focusing on her.
I hate to always jump on this first, but when my husband was dealing with this (early 40s) , his testosterone was low. Have you had your hormones checked?
Go directly to a bhrt doctor. Defy Medical (tele-doctoring) has been only a good experience for us. Local GPs and uriologist all turned their noses up at the idea of hormones having an affect, because my husband’s numbers happened to be “normal” (at the absolute bottom of the scale). These doctors are dictated by the insurance companies on how and when they can treat patients, leaving the patients to suffer and frustrated, because they, the doctors, are downright ignorant in this area. Defy will treat the patient, searching for their own optimal health.
Viagra was my husband’s GP’s solution… SMH. He hated how it made him feel. The planning was a hindrance we started feeling really quick.
I highly, highly recommend getting your testosterone checked. If it’s normal FOR YOUR AGE, not in the labs range of “normal”, then go looking into other reasons. Knock out the most obvious potential, and fixable, culprit first.
Stay strong in Jesus’s strength to continue to be porn-free! You and your wife’s Rae on a journey – we pray humbly for both you.
If you have primarily been the initiator, when the roles shift it’s different. That’s true for me – all 45 years plus of marriage. I love it when Mrs. Oldbear takes charge, but I don’t always spring to action. Do check your T level. Let her initiate, relax, and let your intimacy bloom!