Ballad having a look

    Hi all. I’m intrigued to learn more about the new iteration of TMB. This community has helped me greatly in the past through some difficult times in my marriage.

    Twin bed Asked on March 28, 2019 in Introduce Yourself.
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      Glad you are here!  When I see your name, I lift a prayer for you.

      Under the stars Answered on April 6, 2019.
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        Hi Ballad!  Good to see you again.

        On the floor Answered on April 6, 2019.
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          I don’t know if you will see this, but you came to mind today. I am praying for you and wondering how you are doing? How are things going?

          You are welcome to PM me if you aren’t comfortable sharing publicly.

          Under the stars Answered on September 20, 2019.
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            It’s great to hear from you, even though I kniww the news is difficult. A friend of mine, whom I got to see the pain and the struggle, of his walking through a divorce…said it was the hardest thing he has ever gone through and wouldn’t wish it in an enemy. And this was coming from a difficult, sexual refusal marriage, that at times he thought divorce looked appealing.

            No matter what Aria was like, no matter how difficult and painful things were, it doesn’t take away the fact you two became one, and to lose that is like losing part of yourself, in essence, like an amputation.

            Continued prayers for you, brother.

            Under the stars Answered on November 12, 2019.

            I had been certain I couldn’t get any more lonely, but after we separated, it intensified even more for a while.

            Thank you for your prayers.

            on November 13, 2019.
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              Thanks for asking, SeekingChange.

              This has been the toughest year. In the space of 12 months, I lost my job, my home, my cat, my car, and my marriage. By the end of 2019, the divorce process should be final.

              I say “lost,” as well, because it feels like we both lost a war. That we are in utter disgrace. It doesn’t help a whole lot to know that, by human effort, it wasn’t ever going to be possible to win. In hindsight I have come to appreciate that Aria almost certainly has a narcissistic personality disorder. This is something I didn’t know much about as it was unfolding, but I can tell you it goes so much deeper than base selfishness, passive-aggressiveness, sexual aversion, depression, or most of the other possibilities the community here helped me explore. With good reason, it is deemed incurable by psychologists. It is a modern demon.

              On top of all the manifest self-centeredness and the direct abuse toward me, this lens has helped to clarify her pathological avoidance of any form of accountability. Only wanting to worship, if at all, in really big liturgical churches where people were less likely to talk to her. Putting on a completely different personality for the benefit of others in our lives. Anger at learning that I’d been asking our mutual friends to reach out and support her. Pushing to live in greater physical isolation. Rejecting personal counseling categorically. A melodramatic outburst when I first raised the prospect of joint counseling, and inconsolable weeping over the three sessions we actually attended in the end. Telling me with a broken voice that I didn’t know how much it had cost her to even consider it. Blazing hatred of my reading books such as Boundaries. The years-long campaign to convince me to give up TMB.

              Anything that could expose her to scrutiny and to understanding of her behavior, in her mind, posed an existential threat to her sense of self… to her very survival.

              So eventually, as the narcissistic cycle drew to its typical conclusion, Aria discarded me. Filing for divorce was more palatable to her than continuing to pretend to work on our problems. Now I’m living in my own place with a new job (but still no cat). There is a lot to process. Having some space to process it helps; God is bringing healing, even while I continue to grieve so much. And maybe the truth is that we never had the loving relationship I consider lost. But I still believed in it, you know?

              Twin bed Answered on November 12, 2019.

              Awww i’m so sorry. Sounds just terrible. I recently lost my 17 y/o cat. Having no children but still a maternal instinct, he was my world. Luckily my husband understands as he loves cats also. Even though he was 17,  the ending was pretty awful and i am tender and the knife drove deeper than i ever imagined, it destabilized my bipolar and i’ve been struggling. I believe they are God’s manifest love wrapped in fur and i pray you find another one to love and who will comfort you.  I’m in the process of looking for 2 kittens, now having no pet in the house at all for the first time in my life.  i hope you find some kind of comfort soon.

              on November 12, 2019.

              Thank you. I pray that you will have comfort in this time of loss, as well.

              I can’t have any pets in the place where I’m living, but definitely someday.

              on November 13, 2019.
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