Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?
DH and I have been working on fulfilling a list of fantasies we made a while back. Some are easy and obviously okay. One of mine is to enjoy each other sexually (up to and maybe or maybe not including PIV) in a setting where other married couples are doing the same. Not TOO close to each other, and no obvious watching; certainly no “cross pollination”. Just a situation where the combined sexual energy of a number of loving couples enhances and multiplies our own (and ours theirs.) Is there anything inherently sinful in this scenario? Private bedrooms are a relatively recent thing, historically, so having sex privately has been pretty impossible for a significant number of married couples of the past. (Although those shared spaces were among families, whereas I absolutely prefer strangers!! Somehow way less weird!)
If this is okay, where in the world would we find an opportunity to do this?
It’s awesome that you have a sexual fantasy bucket list. Way to go.
Personally, I don’t find anything inherently wrong with what you’ve described as long as the setting doesn’t encourage lustful thoughts beyond your spouse or it doesn’t cause another the same challenge.
I’ve never heard of such a place where your fantasy could be fulfilled.
I definitely think that’s hot too Duchess, but I doubt you would be able to find a location of other committed married couples who are totally wrapped up in themselves. I think being in that voyeuristic and exhibitionist atmosphere would cause some couples to want to be involved in what others are doing.
We too have often thought about this – but have logistical questions: 1 procedure for having couples go from dressed to undressed ( quick strip, gradual etc; lights on or off?) 2 if some couples finish faster than others, does quicker ones stay or exit? 3.are toys allowed? 4 process for clean up after?
You will be walking on a very fine line. We have a similar fantasy too which started with us going on vacation with two other couple friends a few years ago. We rented a big house and all the bedrooms were on the same floor. At night DW and I were talking about if we could play without being too loud and then we thought they are probably doing it too and if we heard anything, we wouldn’t say anything about it. So that was a fun night. And knowing (or thinking)that other couples are doing things in the next room gave us that energy you are talking about. We didn’t hear anything but it was fun. I can’t really explain what it is. We didn’t feel guilty about it since we didn’t fantasize about anyone else.
Thanks for all the answers, guys! It sounds like the main objection would be the possibility of the temptation to be over-interested in what the others are doing. I can see that. But I intend to be so wrapped up in each other that we aren’t all that fussed about what other people are doing except maybe if we catch an accidental glimpse of something that looks fun, we might say, “Hey! That looks fun, let’s try it!” I would only want to do this in company with other committed married couples who are also totally wrapped up in themselves. This has been a great discussion and I appreciate all the points of view.
I’m still hoping someone knows where we could find an experience like this!
Wow. I’m relatively new here as a poster but have been a lurker for several years because my DW and my MB is very “vanilla” by her choice and insistence. I come here to try to better understand her point of view and how to hopefully address her fears/concerns constructively. I also have asked her to come here too to gain the perspective of other Christian wives and to see that our Creator not only condones married lovers enjoyment of more than just “missionary” and “cowgirl” but actually created us for enjoyment of another whole dimension (OS, toys – exclusively between husband and wife) that she currently prohibits. As far as I know, she hasn’t “been here” but I still hope that my DW will at least visit and read the posts of Duchess, SeekingChange, TentsofPurple, and many of the other female posters here who exhibit a spiritual depth as well as a healthy, enlightened appreciation of the MB.
I certainly connect with Duchess’s analogy to the thrill of our teenage years, parking, etc. and fondly remember the thrill and passion of those experiences with my DW. We were both Christians but look back on those days with mixed emotions in that we engaged in premarital sex (fully committed to each other, not casually) and, while forgiven, believe that our love for each other would be even stronger than it is now (and it is good now) had we waited.
That said, the idea of setting up the scenario Duchess describes with intentional proximity to other Christian couples ML, even monogamous and under the cover of darkness, makes me uncomfortable spiritually in that any involvement of other people as a sexual turn-on seems out-of-bounds to me. Please understand that I am not judging anyone here nor questioning the depth of their faith and devotion to Christ but I find no place in the Song of Solomon or elsewhere in scripture where our Creator would seem to endorse that as blessed or healthy motivation – but if I am missing something there, please point me in the right direction. Its quite possible, even probable, that I still have a lot to learn about what the Bible says about the entire subject.