Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

    DH and I have been working on fulfilling a list of fantasies we made a while back.  Some are easy and obviously okay.  One of mine is to enjoy each other sexually (up to and maybe or maybe not including PIV) in a setting where other married couples are doing the same.  Not TOO close to each other, and no obvious watching; certainly no “cross pollination”. Just a situation where the combined sexual energy of a number of loving couples enhances and multiplies our own (and ours theirs.) Is there anything inherently sinful in this scenario? Private bedrooms are a relatively recent thing, historically, so having sex privately has been pretty impossible for a significant number of married couples of the past. (Although those shared spaces were among families, whereas I absolutely prefer strangers!! Somehow way less weird!)

    If this is okay, where in the world would we find an opportunity to do this?

    Add Comment
    16 Answer(s)

      It’s awesome that you have a sexual fantasy bucket list. Way to go.

      Personally, I don’t find anything inherently wrong with what you’ve described as long as the setting doesn’t encourage lustful thoughts beyond your spouse or it doesn’t cause another the same challenge.

      I’ve never heard of such a place where your fantasy could be fulfilled.

      Fell out of ... Answered on April 22, 2019.
      Add Comment

        My wife has the exact same fantasy as that described in the original post. Also, like Duchess noted, this would have been very common in our historical past.

        Queen bed Answered on April 23, 2019.
        Add Comment

          I think it’s a bad thing to do.  This is basically a group orgy even if you aren’t interacting with each other.  BUT, that is what it would eventually lead to.  Stay away from this fantasy.

          On the floor Answered on April 24, 2019.
          Add Comment

            I definitely think that’s hot too Duchess, but I doubt you would be able to find a location of other committed married couples who are totally wrapped up in themselves. I think being in that voyeuristic and exhibitionist atmosphere would cause some couples to want to be involved in what others are doing.

            Queen bed Answered on April 24, 2019.

            Jake, I agree with you.  Even if one is absolutely certain of their own purity of heart and mind, you risk leading others astray.

            on April 24, 2019.
            Add Comment

              We too have often thought about this – but have logistical questions: 1 procedure for having couples go from dressed to undressed ( quick strip, gradual etc; lights on or off?) 2 if some couples finish faster than others, does quicker ones stay or exit? 3.are toys allowed? 4 process for clean up after?

              Queen bed Answered on April 24, 2019.

              I love that you have given this so much thought! Undressing:  I always imagine a dark place where couples could quietly undress each other as much or as little as they want.  (Much like when teenagers have parties and there are couples naturally making out in the corner or going off to the next room.  At least, that’s how some of the parties were when I was a teenager, though I never participated. Maybe part of the fantasy is recovering a missed experience?) I guess leaving would be similarly organic.  With low lighting, blankets, pillows, etc. it could be rather unlikely to actually see anything without trying very hard to.  Or maybe a timed event like a movie so that as long as you are done by the time the lights come on, you’re fine and if you’re done early you can just sit back and relax in the afterglow. I hope toys are allowed, but I personally would want to use a very quiet one. Clean up is something I never thought of; I suppose I would have assumed each couple would clean up their own mess, if any.  Somehow I have a half a picture of an outdoor situation such as someone described under the question about the most adventurous sex ever had. I wouldn’t see this as the time to go into a full routine such as we would do at home but more of a planned sneaky sex–like a teenage make-out party where it’s actually okay to let nature take its course, lol!

              on April 24, 2019.
              Add Comment

                You will be walking on a very fine line. We have a similar fantasy too which started with us going on vacation with two other couple friends a few years ago. We rented a big house and all the bedrooms were on the same floor. At night DW and I were talking about if we could play without being too loud and then we thought they are probably doing it too and if we heard anything, we wouldn’t say anything about it. So that was a fun night. And knowing (or thinking)that other couples are doing things in the next room gave us that energy you are talking about. We didn’t hear anything but it was fun. I can’t really explain what it is. We didn’t feel guilty about it since we didn’t fantasize about anyone else.

                Double bed Answered on April 24, 2019.

                The vacation house idea is definitely a viable alternative in my mind, but we don’t have any couple friends I can picture going on vacation with. I wish we did.

                on April 24, 2019.
                Add Comment

                  Thanks for all the answers, guys! It sounds like the main objection would be the possibility of the temptation to be over-interested in what the others are doing.  I can see that.  But I intend to be so wrapped up in each other that we aren’t all that fussed about what other people are doing except maybe if we catch an accidental glimpse of something that looks fun, we might say, “Hey! That looks fun, let’s try it!” I would only want to do this in company with other committed married couples who are also totally wrapped up in themselves. This has been a great discussion and I appreciate all the points of view.

                  I’m still hoping someone knows where we could find an experience like this!

                  Under the stars Answered on April 24, 2019.
                  Add Comment

                    Wow.   I’m relatively new here as a poster but have been a lurker for several years because my DW and my MB is very “vanilla” by her choice and insistence.   I come here to try to better understand her point of view and how to hopefully address her fears/concerns constructively.  I also have asked her to come here too to gain the perspective of other Christian wives and to see that our Creator not only condones married lovers enjoyment of  more than just “missionary” and “cowgirl” but actually created us for enjoyment of another whole dimension (OS, toys – exclusively between husband and wife) that she currently prohibits.  As far as I know, she hasn’t “been here”  but I still hope that my DW will at least visit and read the posts of Duchess, SeekingChange, TentsofPurple, and many of the other female posters here who exhibit a spiritual depth as well as a healthy, enlightened appreciation of the MB.

                    I certainly connect with Duchess’s analogy to the thrill of our teenage years, parking, etc. and fondly remember the thrill and passion of those experiences with my DW.  We were both Christians but look back on those days with mixed emotions in that we engaged in premarital sex (fully committed to each other,  not casually) and, while forgiven, believe that our love for each other would be even stronger than it is now (and it is good now) had we waited.

                    That said, the idea of setting up the scenario  Duchess describes with intentional proximity to other Christian couples ML, even monogamous and under the cover of darkness, makes me uncomfortable spiritually in that any involvement of other people as a sexual turn-on seems out-of-bounds to me.   Please understand that I am not judging anyone here nor questioning the depth of their faith and devotion to Christ but I find no place in the Song of Solomon or elsewhere in scripture where our Creator would seem to endorse that as blessed or healthy motivation – but if I am missing something there, please point me in the right direction.   Its quite possible, even probable, that I still have a lot to learn about what the Bible says about the entire subject.

                    On the floor Answered on June 7, 2019.
                    Add Comment

                      Find a weekend marriage seminar held in a hotel or resort.  When you go back to your room after the presentation on how to spice up your sex life,  you KNOW all the other couples will be doing the same thing you are 😆

                      King bed Answered on September 30, 2019.
                      Add Comment

                        If you can’t see or hear, then where is the ‘energy’ coming from? I am doubtful that it is right and virtuous to see and hear others having sex.

                        Queen bed Answered on April 22, 2019.

                        Actually, I experienced very strong sexual energy.  Just KNOWING other couples in the rooms next to ours and across the hall were doing it was a turn-on for me.  And who says you can’t hear anythning 😆

                        Then when you see the other couples the next morning, hands all over each other, with tired but satified smiles on their faces….

                        Maybe it is a pheromonal thing, who knows?

                        on October 1, 2019.
                        Add Comment

                        Your Answer

                        By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.