Celebrity crush help?
I’m new here and really struggling with something that I feel like I can’t tell my DH. All my life I’ve struggled with lustful attachments to celebrities. As a young girl my mom would even encourage it, thinking it was normal behavior. I truly think it was fueling a part of me that longed for the security and love of my Savior, and my father was very distant so my young mind filled the gap the only way I saw how. I also didn’t become a Christian until I was in college so it never occurred to me this habit was so bad for me and wrong until later when I learned what the Bible said about lust.
Now I’m married with children and still struggle with this sin. I’ve realized that it is something I do whenever I need comfort or feel lonely or frustrated. I imagine a certain celebrity comforting me, and yes I imagine a sexual relationship, and sometimes look at pictures of him online though never any nudity. The celebrity has changed over the years, I’ll get over one then another will grab my attention. It feels like an addiction, similar to what I’ve read about pornography addictions. I tried to bring it up with my DH by telling him I used to have celebrity crushes as a child and he got so defensive and critical that I was afraid of telling him the whole truth. I’m really afraid it would hurt him and our marraige to tell him because he would feel like I cheat on him. And in a way I am because the Bible says that if you even look at a person with lust you have already committed adultery in your heart.
A few last notes: if I somehow met this celebrity in real life I would NOT want an actual sexual relationship with him. I love my DH and I have never been tempted to engage in an adulterous relationship other than this fake one in my mind, and in my imaginative story I am not married when I am with him. I’m not saying that’s better, I’m just making sure you know the in’s and out’s of my problem.
My last note is that I never imagine this celebrity while I’m being intimate with my husband.
I know its wrong already, so I’m looking for feedback on how I can really get free of this. The guilt is something I’ve carried for a long time but I feel like it’s almost impossible to control these thoughts. Just knowing someone out there might be praying for me will help too.
The chance of meeting the celebrity one has a crush on is miniscule, besides the fact that celebrities are rather fake personas. It’s a fantasy. A real life crush is much more dangerous because it can be acted on.
It’s actually a normal part of development in puberty to have a celebrity crush because it’s a safe way to express your sexuality (not talking about groupies or obsession). No rejection and no physical or emotional interaction. It’s a bit odd for an adult (not sure the OP’s age, but she could be closer to her teens than 30’s), but I suspect she’s missing something in her life that this fulfills.
I think it is common and therefore considered normal for teen girls to have celebrity crushes, I am definitely way past that. I’m in my late 30’s. I agree that fleeing is the answer and am determined to approach it that way. I’m also inclined to agree with Neil that crushes are the same whether they are with a celebrity or not, and I’m willing to bet that is why my husband took it personal the way he did. I think that I’ve justified my fantasy life for years because I thought it’s “safe” to see a celebrity that way, and while a lot of people might think that’s normal, at least for teen girls, I believe the Bible indicates otherwise. Sure, I’m way less likely in encounter a situation where my fantasies could be acted on. But God is concerned with what goes on in our hearts and our minds as well.
When I mentioned that my fantasy life may be meeting my needs, I meant more that it provided me with the illusion that it does. If I’m upset or lonely, my interactions in my imagination are often vivid enough to give me comfort. Or if I’m in the mood and my husband is somehow unavailable, I’ll retreat to my fantasies and get them “met” there. I realize this is a poor substitute. This is also a habit I had long before I was married so I don’t feel like my husband is to blame.
That’s a good answer. I don’t have crushes on celebrities as a lot of them aren’t nice people. I do have other fantasies things that are okay most of the time but sometimes when I am a little bit down, tired and lack of activity I can drift to this fantasy. I realise it’s not good but it just comes on me sometimes. The answer for me is to keep in faith in everything I do as when there is a vacuum it can be filled with the wrong thing. Sometimes I believe I have got the victory but then it seems to strike at a most unlikely time like when I’ve had a good bible study. I know this is from the enemy and must be resisted.
@LuckyInLove I do have some great friends and maybe there is a way I can open up to them more. I really think though that the Lord is trying to draw me deeper into my relationship with Him, where He is my sanctuary and where I go to Him and let Him comfort me and give me security. And maybe helping me see that He loves me way more than I can comprehend. But maybe I’m also not allowing Him to use other people to encourage me as well. I’ll think on that.
It was really discouraging that my DH responded that way when I brought it up. It feels like The Secret that I have and I really hate that. Not sure if he ever knew about Tiger Beat but he does have a little sister! Who knows, maybe that is one reason why he responded that way.
@one_woman_man Thanks for the welcome! Maybe I haven’t spent enough time thinking about why my husband responded the way he did. I’ll definitely pray about that. Maybe I should not just be planning on avoiding the topic. One thing that comes to mind is that he definitely has a higher drive than I do and I know that he has taken that personally in the past. I’ve never denied him but I don’t initiate often. Maybe he’s not secure about my desire for him. Or maybe my fantasy life effects my sex life by making me feel like my needs are getting filled elsewhere. Just thinking out loud here. I’ll give it more thought.
@HisGirl, I agree with you (your latest comment), and I see the same heart of the message you did in Neil’s comment.
For me, I wasn’t really “crushing” on others but fantasizing an alternate life…typically using characters (played by celebrities) in my imagination/fantasy. Living in a fantasy seems “safer”. For me at least, it was a way to imagine a life I thought to be desirable, but wasn’t possible. It was a way for me to be someone different, but yet have no risk… because people don’t reject you in your fantasies, right? It was really like a little girl playing “make believe”, but a more grown-up version.
@SeekingChange That sounds like what I do, but then I get emotionally attached to the celebrity in my fantasy and take it to another level with going there to make myself feel better instead of going to the Lord or talking to my husband. That fear of rejection is a real part of it!