Celebrity crush help?
I’m new here and really struggling with something that I feel like I can’t tell my DH. All my life I’ve struggled with lustful attachments to celebrities. As a young girl my mom would even encourage it, thinking it was normal behavior. I truly think it was fueling a part of me that longed for the security and love of my Savior, and my father was very distant so my young mind filled the gap the only way I saw how. I also didn’t become a Christian until I was in college so it never occurred to me this habit was so bad for me and wrong until later when I learned what the Bible said about lust.
Now I’m married with children and still struggle with this sin. I’ve realized that it is something I do whenever I need comfort or feel lonely or frustrated. I imagine a certain celebrity comforting me, and yes I imagine a sexual relationship, and sometimes look at pictures of him online though never any nudity. The celebrity has changed over the years, I’ll get over one then another will grab my attention. It feels like an addiction, similar to what I’ve read about pornography addictions. I tried to bring it up with my DH by telling him I used to have celebrity crushes as a child and he got so defensive and critical that I was afraid of telling him the whole truth. I’m really afraid it would hurt him and our marraige to tell him because he would feel like I cheat on him. And in a way I am because the Bible says that if you even look at a person with lust you have already committed adultery in your heart.
A few last notes: if I somehow met this celebrity in real life I would NOT want an actual sexual relationship with him. I love my DH and I have never been tempted to engage in an adulterous relationship other than this fake one in my mind, and in my imaginative story I am not married when I am with him. I’m not saying that’s better, I’m just making sure you know the in’s and out’s of my problem.
My last note is that I never imagine this celebrity while I’m being intimate with my husband.
I know its wrong already, so I’m looking for feedback on how I can really get free of this. The guilt is something I’ve carried for a long time but I feel like it’s almost impossible to control these thoughts. Just knowing someone out there might be praying for me will help too.
I used to struggle with something very similar to this. It sounds like you have an idea of why you go to these fantasies…. “I’ve realized that it is something I do whenever I need comfort or feel lonely or frustrated.”
I know this sounds cliche, but as soon as you start feeling those feelings, run to Jesus instead. Find promises or verses that speak to your struggle, meditate on them and let them renew your mind and transform you.
You can also look for ways to have your husband help you meet some of these needs. When you need comfort, what are ways your husband could help comfort you? Etc.
It seems as though you’re aware of your triggers: frustration, loneliness, seeking comfort. What can you substitute for the celebrity attachment? Do you have friends you can turn to in those times?
i think it goes without saying to discontinue viewing any magazines, movies, tv shows, and websites that cause you issues.
It’s sad to me that your husband wasn’t understanding when you tried to start a conversation on the topic. It’s extremely normal to have a celebrity crush in the teen years. Has he never heard of Tiger Beat??
@SeekingChange I’ve had times where I felt like I was getting a break through and it was always because I was meditating on scripture. Your answer reminded me of that. I think I need to collect the ones that help me and memorize them, which is something I haven’t done yet. Sometimes I crave the quick “fix” of retreating to my fantasies but if I have these verses memorized then it’s like having a sword ready.
@LuckyInLove I do have some great friends and maybe there is a way I can open up to them more. I really think though that the Lord is trying to draw me deeper into my relationship with Him, where He is my sanctuary and where I go to Him and let Him comfort me and give me security. And maybe helping me see that He loves me way more than I can comprehend. But maybe I’m also not allowing Him to use other people to encourage me as well. I’ll think on that.
It was really discouraging that my DH responded that way when I brought it up. It feels like The Secret that I have and I really hate that. Not sure if he ever knew about Tiger Beat but he does have a little sister! Who knows, maybe that is one reason why he responded that way.
I don’t have a problem with celebrity crushes, perhaps because I have had many contacts with them over the years. And I was friends with a teen actor for about a year. They really just are normal people, bad habits and all. You already know that, but it’s tough because they have whole marketing departments working to make you lust after them.
But I have had problems with crushes in real life. It’s one of my worst faults, and I heavily rely on Scripture and discussions with a trusted married female friend to get over them.
The best piece of advice that was given to me was this: The enemy knows your weakness. But you have the advantage because not only do you know you have the weakness, you know the enemy is going to put that temptation in your path. So be proactive. Be aware that a crush might happen ahead of time. Be prepared to completely avoid that actor’s work if it does happen. You find yourself thinking about him, you head straight to Scripture. Keep a Bible app on your phone just for that purpose. If that isn’t practical, then pray on it in the moment. You’re fighting a battle, and you need God on your side right away.
That has helped me immensely. I also had a serious talk with my friend about the guy’s faults. That really helped because it got me more focused on reality. And the reality of you having any kind of relationship with a celebrity is that you’d be splashed all over the tabloids. Maybe visualize how embarrassing that would be. It might kill any desire you’ve got going on, knowing that all your friends would see that on their weekly grocery run.
I’ll pray for you to keep your strength. Remember that God and His Word are much stronger than this battle. You’ve got the advantage.
Welcome to TMB! Thanks for sharing. It seems to me you understand your problem well and also what gets you going in that direction despite your efforts to the contrary. So, I commend you for not only being open with us but also for your excellent self-understanding.
It makes sense to me that you work at deepening your relationship with Jesus and drawing strength through helpful Bible verses.
I’m puzzled to as to why your husband reacted the way he did. I encourage you to pray for wisdom in understanding that and how you might help nurture an understanding and empathetic heart in him. If you have room to grow in that area toward him, that might be an important thing to work on. Perhaps that approach or some other approach might help him grow in that area. Because, when the time comes, I would want it to be safe for to share with your DH and that he would have what it takes to be a loving, understanding and supportive partner to you in your time of vulnerability and need for support.
Thank you for your honesty. Your insight into the problem is very mature. Rember Paul said that we should not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, This he said was our service of spiritual worship before God, (Rom. 12:1-2). What has been said about triggers is so true. these triggers need to be reset overtime to open new doors of blessing and joy. One area to begin is in memorizing who you are in Christ so to use this against the prest triggers that would drag you back into fantasy and sin. I would suggest Gal. 2;20. Memorize it, keep it by your side and go to battle with it when the enemy calls.
@DoveGrey Your feedback is really helpful. I don’t think I have a female friend who would understand my problem, which is another reason why I am here. I’m glad that you have someone who can help! Feeling alone has made this harder to deal with, for sure. I really think turning to the word and prayer is the answer. It would also be GREAT if some of these gorgeous, seemingly perfect celebrities were honest about their faults. But at the same time I have an underlying intimacy issue that needs to be addressed or I’ll keep having the problem, one way or another. It’s like a hole in my heart that I keep trying to fill with things other than God. Thank you for saying you’ll pray, I know it will make a difference.
@Slipthegrasp The common thread I see here is expecting temptation and having a plan by going to specific scriptures, and that is what I’m going to do. I’ll put the ones you mentioned on my list and start memorizing so that even if I can’t access my Bible (like when driving, when my mind can start to wander) I’ll be equipped. I think I’ve been either giving in when these challenges arise, or coming to the battle line with only part of my armor on, and that has to change. Ha, I really like battle analogies in case you all can’t tell!
I’ll check in on this thread after some time to let you all know how things are going. Assuming these threads can be used that way? I’m sure there are other people here reading who might be having the same or a similar problem and anything that helps me is something I want to share. I also might slip up again, like I’ve done in the past and I also think it will be good for me to have some specific verses ready so that I don’t downward spiral into condemnation. Which has lead to me running again to my fantasies, thus beginning the cycle again.
You all have been really awesome, and thanks for taking the time to reply.
@one_woman_man Thanks for the welcome! Maybe I haven’t spent enough time thinking about why my husband responded the way he did. I’ll definitely pray about that. Maybe I should not just be planning on avoiding the topic. One thing that comes to mind is that he definitely has a higher drive than I do and I know that he has taken that personally in the past. I’ve never denied him but I don’t initiate often. Maybe he’s not secure about my desire for him. Or maybe my fantasy life effects my sex life by making me feel like my needs are getting filled elsewhere. Just thinking out loud here. I’ll give it more thought.
@Nuri Feel free to use this board as an accountability booster. Like you, I knew I wasn’t going to cheat on my husband, but my situation bothered me so much that I just needed a trustworthy Christian woman to talk with. It helps. We’re here for you.