Church Question

    This may be an off the wall question but do any members attend different churches than their spouse?

    My wife and I have attended the same non-denominational church for 30 years. Over the past few years I have become disenchanted with our church and would like to look for another church. My reason for leaving is simply I am not growing spiritually. God’s Word is being taught but it is more milk than meat.  I am certain that my wife would not want to leave. We discussed leaving (my idea) years ago and I realized that  she would not leave this church ; if I pushed the issue friction within our marriage would result.

    I love the membership and the pastors and would miss them if I leave,  but I am drying up Spiritually. My immediate thought would be to look for another church and attended it by myself.  I hate this concept, a man and wife should worship side by side. I will pray about leaving and discuss this with my wife.

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    17 Answer(s)

      Do they provide any kind of study group you could join? What about listening to other teachings/preaching online? Or, if God is truly prompting you away, He could be working on your wife’s heart as well, you should not assume things of her and talk to her about it.

      For 6 weeks, I attended a different church, but there were a couple of times my husband joined me, since it was on a Saturday night, and he is friends with that pastor. As a burned out pastor’s wife… 🎶 Sometimes you wanna go, where nobody knows your name 🎶 😉

      Under the stars Answered on September 9, 2019.
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        Have you considered discussing this with your pastors? Not necessarily the idea of you and your wife attending separate churches, but about the fact that you are concerned about your lack of growth. Being in a healthy church, in my opinion, is essential to the Christian life. I think having a conversation with the pastors would be my first step. Are they approachable?

        In my mind, attending separate churches would not be an option. How can I protect my family from bad teachings if I have no idea what is being taught?

        Twin bed Answered on September 9, 2019.
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          With the recommendation of talking to your pastor, I highly recommend that you do NOT go and say, “Your messages aren’t feeding me.” or “I am not growing from your messages.” You could go and say, “I am looking for more to help me grow than just a Sunday morning sermon, what else does the church provide? Or, what would you recommend?”

          In 25 years, the vast majority of times, if not all, that reveals more about the heart of the individual than bad preaching. Growth falls on us as individuals. For anyone who feels this way, I recommend a heart check and to ask yourself a few questions, before burdening or complaining to your pastor….. Many churches depend on small groups to take people deeper, are you a part of one? If one group wasn’t a fit, have you tried another? Are you studying your Bible daily, whether in an organized way, with a group, or on your own? How’s your prayer life?

          Ultimately the Holy Spirit is our Teacher, and He can use anything, and anyone, to teach us. And when it is actually the Word of God being used, and one isn’t growing…. well, we know it’s not because the Holy Spirit decided to go AWOL as God’s word is taught or studied, so where does the fault of the “deafness” fall?

          Stepping off my soap box, as a pastor’s wife, who has heard this excuse more that I can count. 😉

          Under the stars Answered on September 9, 2019.

          I completely agree with everything you have said. I definitely did not intend to imply that the pastors be confronted about their teaching not helping growth. I probably should have been a bit more clear. I agree that oftentimes the reason we are not growing is because we are not pursuing Christ like we should. We ought to guard our hearts from expecting others to cause our growth for us. Seek Christ for that.

          My thoughts about talking to the pastors were simply about talking to them about the lack of growth lately. No finger pointing, just discussing the concern that he is not growing.

          on September 9, 2019.
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            Talk to the pastor and your wife about your concerns and what you’re feeling.  My biggest concern would be spiritual leadership in the home and what is the best way to serve your wife, attending together or someplace else for a season? In the long run, I believe it’s healthier to be able to attend, be involved in a small group and the potential to serve together.

            Are you regularly serving in your current church?  Are you in a small group together? Are you involved in ministry and helping disciple younger Christians in need of mentors and mature spiritual influence? All churches could use that. 

            Under the stars Answered on September 9, 2019.
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              I agree with Seeking. You are one flesh and that includes being in the same church together. If your relationship is right, God is also working in her heart to either want to leave or to at least follow your leadership. If she is unwilling to follow you, you have a bigger problem than which church to attend.

              It’s never a good idea to attend church separately. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

              Hammock Answered on September 9, 2019.
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                I feel husband and wife should go together to the same church, as previous responses have said. In addition to the suggestions given, a break from your church and try different churches. Summer would have been a good time, as churches are doing short series sermons.
                We too have had that feeling of not growing spiritually. We connected with a life group. That helped a lot.

                Double bed Answered on September 9, 2019.
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                  Please don’t take this the wrong way, but if you would like for your diet to include more meat, a Sunday morning service is probably never going to sate that appetite. It is much the difference between an unwanted child and a grown man hunting. One gets fed because he can not fend for himself. The other gets in the woods and hunts. If you are counting on your preacher to feed you more than milk, you likely have the wrong idea of who is ultimately responsible. IMHO, The pastor has enough on his plate dealing with the infants, and it could be that he is relying on the more mature Christian’s to not only forage for themselves, but also help with the less mature.

                  It may be that what you are sending is more of a calling, if you follow it.

                  On the floor Answered on September 9, 2019.
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                    Lots of typos but you get the point.

                    On the floor Answered on September 9, 2019.
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                      Just my thoughts off the cuff with the intent to encourage you to press on with your church.  Remember the context of family ministry in the New Testament is that of husbands and wives that worship together.

                      Have you looked deeply into what kind of learner that you are?   Is your best learning style by doing, by simply listening, does it require illustrations?  Do you learn by reading and studying in the depth of language and exposition from God’s word?  What are your favorite subjects and growth areas?  What does this pastor of yours do that is effective for you?  Have you prayed for him in these areas to be more effective for your type of learning in the church?  Do you pray for his weaknesses on teaching?  Do you pray for his success?  Would you consider investing in his studies?  Does he own LOGOS software?  An investment like that might cost $3,000.  It could really change his preaching for the greater.

                       

                      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on September 9, 2019.
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                        Graypoet, please accept this advice as encouragement. Take some time to explore why you believe the way you do about the impact of the sermons in your church and on your life.  Here’s one of many articles regarding the issue of “Not being fed.”

                        http://chucklawless.com/2017/11/5-reasons-why-im-not-being-fed-may-not-be-a-good-reason-to-leave-a-church/

                        Then, perhaps your pastor’s sermons will begin to feed you more as the Holy Spirit grows you spiritually.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         

                        Under the stars Answered on September 9, 2019.

                        Thanks for the exhortation Oldbear, even though it can be hard to hear. I know in the past when I have felt that way (not being fed), I was guilty of #3 and #5 from that list. Yes, the preaching at the time wasn’t stellar, but inside me was where God was needing to do a work. Fortunately I listened and had a fruitful decade+ there and met my wife there. One that really helped for me was being “stuck” in a role. The consistency that forced me into, along with working through the need to trust God when I had long since lost any keen desire to do it, eventually grew me past that place and into leadership – both in role and in heart. (I can say that the preaching still didn’t seem full of substance until we got a different pastor though. 🙂 )

                        on September 10, 2019.
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