Consequences of Marrying a Non-virgin?

    I’ve saved myself for marriage, and ideally, I’d like to marry a woman who has as well. Virgin marriages statistically have higher satisfaction rates, better sex, and divorce less frequently. But aside from the statistics, there’s the fact that you and your partner are truly, 100% exclusive.

    So, I’ve started talking to a girl who is otherwise ideal, and has many of the qualities I’m looking for in a spouse. We have the same goals for our futures, desire the same lifestyle, share the same temperament, etc. But, she has previous sexual partners.

    I don’t know how to make this decision (whether to pursue her, or let her go), because I don’t know how her not being a virgin will effect our relationship (if at all).

    Do any of you married folk have advice, or insight, to offer?

    Thanks!

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    15 Answer(s)

      Hmm,  I enjoyed reading the comments posted earlier on. I will add a little here.

      I was in your shoes prior to marriage. I had no experience with sex, did not know how the vulva, vagina looks like etc. I also knew the are guys with good looking penises out there. Therefore, my fear was to marry an “experienced” girl. I dreamed to marry a virgin too. In fact, I prayed about it. You know, God is great and He is a loving Father. He gave me a virgin. She had not had sex before. Today, I realized that if she had had sex earlier, there could have been challenges . Yes marriage has a number of challenges and some of them are sex related.

      My fears were if the woman is experienced she will compare sizes of penises, compare performance, etc. But where we both virgins , we have nothing to compare with.

      There are instances where some women have walked out of a marriage right after the wedding night, few weeks after a wedding just because of penis size and or sexual performance.

      The real decision is with you, whether to purse or let go. You can make a good decision if you prayerfully involve God is your choice. God bless you.

       

      King bed Answered on June 11, 2019.

      I felt the same way.

      on June 11, 2019.
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        Oh my dear BioTwin, please be careful!  “I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love again”  Unless you are deeply, devotedly, profoundly in love, please do not marry anyone; it will not be fair to her! While I believe an existing marriage without love can be saved and love can grow, I would never start one without the most essential quality that must exist between a husband and wife. Marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church, which is defined by love. How can your marriage represent Christ’s relationship with the Church without the defining quality of Christ?

        Hang in there:  Keep your eyes on Christ and if the wife he has for you does the same, you will meet at the cross, and you will fall madly in love and KNOW you want to marry her, no matter what was in  her past before Christ cast it as far as the east is from the west.

        Under the stars Answered on June 11, 2019.

        I would normally agree with you, but in my particular religious community (messianic), we aren’t afforded that luxury. There are far too few candidates. I hope you’re right, and I end up finding Mrs. Perfect – I’d like to be in love again. But my mind tells me that it simply isn’t a realistic expectation. There are only a handful of people I could potentially marry, and I’ll never meet most of them.

        on June 11, 2019.
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          So if I understand you all correctly, you don’t believe waiting for marriage has any tangible benefits. It’s just an exercise in self control?

          Queen bed Answered on June 12, 2019.
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            Before I met my future wife, my “list of things I want my future wife to be” included her being a virgin, second only to “must be a Christian”, that’s how important it was on that list. However, God had other plans for me, my wife was not a virgin (though her previous experience was not very extensive), and I can say that it hasn’t been an issue at all. In fact, the sexual aspect of our married life has been pretty much free of any dissatisfaction or disfunction.

            I would day that while virginity is ideal, it is DEFINITELY not a deal breaker, particularly if the person realizes that it was sin, has repented, and is striving to do things right now. We managed to make it to the wedding night in our relationship, and it all worked out.

            Queen bed Answered on June 12, 2019.
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              I think we all believe waiting for marriage has tangible benefits, first and foremost being that it is God honoring, and will bless your spouse because of that. If you mean tangible benefits for yourself alone, then again YES! There is so much baggage that can possibly threaten your sex life you don’t have to deal with. I was not a virgin and it dramatically negatively affects my sex life, but it does not affect my husband fortunately, because I am committed to pleasing him in the bedroom. However, as the other wise commenters are trying to point out, not being a virgin is not a guarantee of a failing sex life or marriage any more than being a virgin is a guarantee of a great sex life and thriving marriage. There are many other factors, such as love, trust, commitment, selflessness and above all a commitment to honor Christ in all aspects of your life and subsequently your marriage.

              Double bed Answered on June 14, 2019.
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