Coping with sexual refusal from spouse.
I’ve become very cautious to ask for sex. I usually ask if Wifey can “give me a hand” or “help me take care of something”. Mostly I end up MB with her lying next to me. Even then I have to be strategic when and how I ask. She will mostly ablige to lying next to me, but that can take the edge off while reminding me what could be. So it helps in the short term and hurts in the long run. I wish it was just a mindset or a choice that we could discuss and come to an agreement, but sometimes (most of the time) she just can’t get to a good place in her head for sex.
I apologize if I’m being melodramatic. It’s been over a month and will likely be at least another two weeks (we’re hosting the kid’s cousins and next week is when Aunt Flo visits) before we can make love.
In the past, I (DH) would respond in a great number of ways that were almost always M and prayer. I would say that I prayed less and M more. Horny is a straight way to say this but were talking about being so worked up with a desire for her that it was impossible to sleep. At one stretch over many years I was pent up horny and M two and three times a week while we had sex maybe once every once a week. It was in those times that I conducted a full Biblical study on M. I did a lot of reading on sexual issues including refusal and that helped my prayer life.
I’m doing my best to be content with what we have. That said, DW is a gatekeeper. If I remind her of this it only makes it worse. We’ll have plenty of times where it’s not going to happen on her end. I try to keep myself from getting too worked up, because that just sets me up for a bigger fall when there is refusal. I won’t go more than 48 hours without an O. Some mornings that means asking for a HJ, which she usually is willing to do. More often, masturbation while I’m with DW fills the gap. Another helpful coping tool is setting low expectations and showing plenty of gratitude when we do have a good LM session.
That’s a very difficult situation. Thankfully those times are a distant memory for us.
But, sometimes, I’d just take a cold shower. Or go work in the yard or go for a run. Or spend more time on my hobby. Or talk to someone who was in a worse situation than me.
I’m the guy in a worse situation so maybe I can make you feel better! 😀 I’ve had NO SEX or HJ or anything even close to sex for a year and I’ve been married for 17 years, and I’ve got 2 kids! That’s way worse than your situation so feel better brother!
You probably should NOT take advice from me given my current mess BUT what I would suggest is that you be VERY grateful that 1) you still sleep in the same bed and 2) she is willing to give you a HJ when you ask. I’d suggest that you don’t get angry and pull some sort of stunt where you choose to sleep in another room just to make a point. That 1 night in another room can turn into years.
Also there is a book called “how to make a woman orgasm every time.” I’d buy it and read it and I’d also make sure you buy the “magic wand” as back up. Make sure the wife has an orgasm when she does allow it. It’s annoying being the guy who has it worse but I’d love to get a HJ every morning from the wife. People say their wives allow them to MB in their presence – I can’t even do that. Be happy – things could be worse!!!