Correlation between desire and temptation?

    I have noticed that when I have more sexual desire, I also have a stronger temptation to seek some fulfillment in sinful ways…in what I read, in what I watch, and in what I think.  When my sexuality was pretty much dormant, I had very little temptation to deal with, in this area…. which was kind of nice. (This might give some insight to some wives.) I have personally wondered, which situation is the better of the two? It seems like when I am healthier all around, temptations are stronger.  

    I kind of assume this may be what men often deal with, but is that true?  How normal or odd is this?

    Even when things were really good between my husband and I, it didn’t fully eliminate this situation…. is that just a sign of the desire of our flesh just wanting more and more?

    What correlations have you found with temptation? Has anyone else noticed this dynamic?

     

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    11 Answer(s)

      I think what you are describing is normal from a biological standpoint. Our bodies are designed to reproduce, after all. If you’re going through a strong period of desire, then I think it is only natural to want to seek out any sexual act or feeling available, even if it doesn’t lead to intercourse. The fact that we are inherently sexual beings is how humans have survived. And the fact that it can be so enjoyable is our gift from God.

      From a religious standpoint, however, we do live in a fallen world. The enemy certainly knows that this is a human weakness. And he’ll use that against us. The trick is, how do we counter that?

      I have struggled with this as well. But as I study myself, I get to a point where I can predict when I need to be especially on the lookout for temptation. And that’s where I have an advantage over the enemy. I know the temptation is coming before it arrives. I’m able to clothe myself in the armor of God, prepared to battle against it. Sometimes the battle is easily fought, sometimes not. But I stand firm, knowing that with God lies the victor.

      So in my experience, I’d rather be healthy and filled with desire. That’s what enables me to be a better wife to my husband. Even in my unequally yoked situation, there is still that third strand to the tie that binds us, protecting us. So the enemy can toss the temptation at me, but he won’t win. If I didn’t have the desire, I wouldn’t even desire my husband. For me, that’s the worst of the two situations.

      On the floor Answered on October 27, 2019.

      I have learned to see the temptations as a good sign, because it does mean I am healing. I have wondered if it’s a sign of something missing in the relationship, but then I remembered the struggle was still there even in our best times.

      on October 27, 2019.

      @SeekingChange I think the temptations will always be there. In my case, only twice have they indicated there was something wrong with my marriage. In those situations, it was extremely difficult for me to fight them. That was the red flag that I needed to fix something.

      on October 28, 2019.
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        Sounds normal to me. Our physical body is seeking satisfaction and it doesn’t care where it comes from. It’s our soul and spirit and God’s word that say, “Nope, you must satisfy this God’s way.”

        Another thought I’ve considered in light of this: A person with a strong physical drive can and should have an even stronger spiritual drive as God designed it to be the strongest of our drives.

        Queen bed Answered on October 27, 2019.

        Thanks. Interesting thoughts…. don’t you think that for some, their strong drives may be them seeking fulfillment that they can only find in God, but in essence, the are “looking for love in all the wrong places?”    I am not saying that is true for all.  My husband’s strong desire for sex is truly outmatched by his desire and love for Christ and His mission/gospel.

        on October 27, 2019.
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          Absolutely .
          But SC, you *appear* to have a DH that would welcome the opportunity to fulfill your desire(s) .
          All that I would think could be an obstacle would be your willingness to be open and vulnerable to him and let him *know*.

          Unfortunately, I am just now learning that my husband is absolutely willing, but not usually able to anticipate.
          We both tend to have responsive desire, and feed off one another.
          That falls flat many times.
          But he is always *willing *, and has been the driving force lately.
          Iirc, your DH has spontaneous desire, and would welcome/plan any way to bless you, is that correct?
          Also, I bet you are entering the fun times of perimenopause…..my apologies if I am incorrect and presumptive…..but it sure was a grand time for me!

          Also, I thought of you over the weekend, and really want to thank you for the honesty that you share with us.
          You are real and authentic, and you are truly valued here!

          Double bed Answered on October 27, 2019.

          I will second that praise of SC. I find her comments sincere, well-thought-out, and Godly. I feel that you truly care for everyone here. So appreciated!

          on October 27, 2019.

          I left out the ‘and Godly ‘ and I intended to include that.
          Because that criteria is what makes SC so incredibly special.

          on October 27, 2019.

          I humbly thank you both. Your words are God’s message to me. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much and that I could just walk away from here. But God has a purpose even when I feel none.

          on October 27, 2019.
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            I would agree that there is a correlation between sexual desire and temptation as well as  temptation and desire. So, when I’m away from DW on a trip or when she is traveling, temptation can increase because sexual desire doesn’t go away. It is often heightened. And we know that Paul is addressing things like that in 1 Cor. 7. When I see couples sharing PDA, desire within me is increased. Or when I allow my mind to imagine things, desire increases and so does the potential for temptation.

            Or, if I’m sick, I likely don’t have high sexual desire and as a result temptation is lower. Or when I am short of sleep.

            Yet I would suggest that desire for sex and the level of sexual desire aren’t the only forms of desire that correlate with or contribute to sexual temptation. Some may seem similar to sexual desire or may actually lie beneath that sexual desire. Desire for intimacy, desire for affirmation, desire for connection, desire for adventure, desire for worth, desire for acceptance, desire for affection, etc. can all play into it too, don’t you think?

            Or for people who become physically or emotionally drained, sexual temptation may be higher because they are looking for a boast of some sort. That type of craving can lead to caving into sexual temptation as well.

            Under the stars Answered on October 28, 2019.
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              Ive only found this to be an issue when my husband and I are apart for an extended time

              Queen bed Answered on October 27, 2019.
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                This is definitely the case for me. The more the physical desire, the stronger the temptation. A few weeks of refusal/no ML, and I’m tempted something fierce. Or if my wife does a lot of teasing/provocation then we don’t follow through, it’s also a lot harder on me than usual.

                Of note is that frequency effects aren’t always just “how long has it been”. 8-24 hr after ML, I have a strong surge in desire for a few hours…because DW won’t be partaking in another session, those few hours are also tempting. I think one problem related to this is that I have addictive tendencies towards orgasm. When given a “good” opportunity and not participating, my body will literally shake/convulse for a while as I deny it.

                California King Answered on October 27, 2019.
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                  Yes, when DH is unavailable to me for a length of time because of long hours, little sleep, and being too tired and distracted to pay attention when he is here and awake, I am much more likely to seek out romance novels on the steamier end of the spectrum. The ones I have read that made me feel icky were ones I discovered during those times.  When I feel more sexually fulfilled I am more likely to become bored with romance novels altogether and move on to my usual preference of mysteries.

                  Under the stars Answered on October 27, 2019.
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                    @Workerbee, the temptation is there when my husband isn’t around…. and he is often not around.

                    Also, I bet you are entering the fun times of perimenopause…..my apologies if I am incorrect and presumptive…..but it sure was a grand time for me!”

                    What do you mean by this? Did your desire go up? Did it drop? Is “fun times” being sarcastic? I can hope it will go up.

                    Under the stars Answered on October 27, 2019.
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                      @SC:

                      “I can hope it will go up.”

                      That reminds me of something I wanted to ask you on another thread that is related to this. Paraphrased, you said that your libido is for 3x/weekly. My question is how can a responsive-desire spouse know what their preference is? (I guess I’m assuming you’re responsive desire, but I can’t recall if that’s the case.) Does it require someone with a higher libido initiating at a rate above your preference in order to determine it?

                      Even though we’ve talked about it and she said a number (which was far more frequent than we actually do), I have no idea what my wife’s ideal is, and I doubt she does either. Just curious how this would even be measurable.

                      California King Answered on October 27, 2019.

                      Hey Scott, I actually do not know what my actual desire/need is, or would be. That 3x a week is just a preference, in comparison to our current rate. I am overly saturated above my desire/need, so it’s hard to get any real feel of what my actual desire would be. An every other day routine seems more doable, where quality could be better. It would allow me for more time for desire to build…but it’s all guess work.

                      I am responsive desire. But, I have always had a sexual mind. Even when I was saying I would be fine to never have sex again, I was taking care of myself and would get lost in my imagination. I have realized that if I was married to a different man, I could be the higher drive spouse.

                      I don’t know how accurate this would be, but this is what I would do to try to figure out my true desire… set up a month where my husband does zero initiating and give zero pressure. I would be highly aware of my thoughts, my feelings, and my physical urges. I would probably even journal my experience. When I would feel a need/desire, I would have to initiate since there would be an agreement that my husband cannot. I believe that would show me the ebbs and flows of my desire throughout my monthly cycle. I would see what aids in my desire and what kills it. To do this, the wife would have to be very intentional and very aware of herself…..she needs the heart to know and understand herself, and probably a desire to have a better marriage.

                      on October 27, 2019.

                      Wow, lots to think about here. Thanks for sharing!

                      on October 27, 2019.
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                        @Duchess…. some of what you share again makes me ask,  “I have wondered if it’s a sign of something missing in the relationship, but then I remembered the struggle was still there even in our best times.”  (I said this in a comment to DoveGrey)  It’s not like I am lacking in the physical department, I have plenty of sex (as mentioned to Scott, I am even overly saturated)…. although, if I don’t orgasm that night, I am probably more likely to MB the next morning, but the temptations aren’t usually there, it’s just about relaxing and enjoying.

                        Under the stars Answered on October 27, 2019.
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