COVID & Stay home orders

    SOOO, how is COVID and Stay at Home orders impacting your sex life?

    It’s not going well at our home….

    I am always higher drive than my wife.  It always has to be just right for her to get in the mood….. kids gone, low stress, not tired, etc…

    Well, that is not happening now … kids home all the time, Web School causing extra stress, she’s worried about our family, church friends, extended family, etc …  So her already low drive and desire is basically zero

    I’m lucky, because I can work from home.  BUT it is extra stressful for me, and it’s long hours.  But stress for me increases my drive.  Plus, I’m home all day, so I see her often, and seeing her makes me think of her, and well that makes the drive go up.

    SOOO … her already low drive going down … my already higher drive going up … it’s not a good situation.

    Just wondering …. how is it effecting other couples

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    14 Answer(s)

      We went 2 weeks with nothing. First, I was sick, then he was sick. Just simple colds, but we were careful. Then my period. We usually abstain the first 2 days, but since it had already been over a week, we had already fallen into a no sex routine.

      If I go that long without sex, I start becoming repulsed by his touch. That sounds terrible. But I’m so used to not being touched that when he does try, it feels like an unwelcome invasion. Like, “Hey, guy. You left me alone for that long – why must you bother me now?”

      Yes, I realize how selfish that is. The stay at home order has actually given me time to process why I do that. I have a need for interaction that’s deep below the surface. When he leaves me alone, I start feeling a bit hurt, and then I push him away to prevent further hurt. It’s a defense mechanism.

      And I really was unaware of this until last week. He initiated finally, but I was having none of it. It became solely about him because I just kind of lay there. (Doesn’t help that my knee brace prevents any good positions.)

      So, I forced myself to initiate 2 nights ago. He was stressed and clearly needed the release. Didn’t want to, but gritted my teeth, told myself to cowgirl up and just do it. Ended up being probably in our top 5 MB moments.

      I think the time I’ve had to process my faults has been good for me. And it’s allowed me to watch him and observe his needs better. We never had a real honeymoon wherein we could focus on each other for days at a time. I’ve decided to use this time to be more observant of his body language. It’s about time I became better acquainted with this man I’ve been married to for 20 years.

      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on April 8, 2020.

      DG, I believe men can do the same thing for reasons like self-preservation (paragraph 3) and I think punishment (I’ll show you I can do without) and finally, not wanting to open the floodgates of desire (self-preservation again).

       

      on April 9, 2020.

      I applaud you for your openness and effort expressed here! Good things will come from it!

      on April 9, 2020.

      How were you able to cowgirl with a knee brace. I have arthritis and the pain is insane. It hurts too bad

      on April 9, 2020.
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        I am new to the site.  I have the same problem.  I have the high drive while she has the low drive.  I work from home and see her all the time so my drive is even higher.  I have tried to initiate during the day but turned down multiple times because the kids are around.  We have a large house and a bedroom with a lock.  I don’t see the problem.  What is a guy to do?

        Twin bed Answered on April 7, 2020.

        Express to your wife clearly how you feel – that it is frustrating to be turned down when you have a bedroom and a lock on the door.

        on April 8, 2020.
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          Our normal routine is sex on Saturday, and maybe one or two other times during the week. With the stay-at-home orders, we are reliably doing some kind of sex play at least 3 times a week; this usually means PIV sex but sometimes DW just pleasures me if she does not feel she wants an O. This is probably the most frequent PIV sex we have had in some time.

          On the floor Answered on April 9, 2020.

          Yeah!

          on April 9, 2020.

          Congrats!

          on April 12, 2020.
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            We are down some. I’m not home full time, but I’m not working near as much. At work I used to have pretty regular sexy daydreams about my wife. Actually being home with the daily stress of the homeschooling, meal prep, and ratty clothes….not so much. I love my kids, but sometimes I feel guilty because I’d like them to hurry up and get out of the house so my wife might at least have a chance to find her sexual self before we become too old.

            California King Answered on April 8, 2020.

            Tim – all I’ll say is be careful with expectation. Some would call it “planned disappointment”. They are not wrong.

            on April 8, 2020.
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              For now,  the stay at home orders have not impacted me much.  I seem to have fallen into the essential category, so aside from a small delay in one job,  things have been transparent as far as work goes.

              Since I am working out of town,  my basic existence has been drastically altered.  I generally do my own cooking,  with an occasional meal out,  and both have been curtailed.  Can’t eat out,  and for the first 2 weeks, it was impossible to buy groceries, other than what random stuff was left on the shelves.  That isn’t an issue at home, because we keep a fairly well stocked pantry,  but on the road, where you buy for one or two meals at a time,  I was caught off guard, and didn’t eat a real meal for 2 weeks.

              As far as sex goes,  obviously only occurs when I am home, so never more than once a week while I am working close,  but next week I have to go several states away, and be gone for approx a month.

              None of my usual means of staying sane are available on the road.  No churches open, no gun ranges, very few shops or other items of interest.

              Slowly going crazy.

              On the floor Answered on April 8, 2020.

              I was recently (and still on the table) considering a new job that would entail a lot of travel. I’m glad it did not materialize sooner or I may be in a similar boat. And the relationship issues you describe concerned me as well. I am not sure the increased compensation would be worth it…no matter how significant.

              on April 8, 2020.
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                We are 14 days into the 21 Day Sex/Connection Challenge and going strong. (21 days of connection spiritually, emotionally and physically/sexually). I’ve gone out of my way to plan some activities or invite her for a walk, instead of her asking me. (She knows I don’t always like to do that.)

                We did miss one day five days in when we had a blowup about her daughter’s attitude/behavior and when it happened at the end of the day, it just got worse as we tried to pull it together to connect and the clock kept ticking which turns me into a pumpkin after 9:30 pm. Blending families Is rough, then add differing parenting styles, opposite sexes, middle school/early teen yrs and let the “discussions” begin.  We have another wk to go before it’s over…but not this stay home phase in our state. I would expect us to back things back down sexually to at least 4x/wk but who knows, we keep going for daily activities while this continues.

                Under the stars Answered on April 8, 2020.
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                  It hasn’t affected it AT ALL.  I don’t work due to health issues and my husband has a business at home. The thing hindering is both of our health issues which is such a tragedy to us because we are having or TRYING TO, the best sex we’ve had in decades.

                  On the floor Answered on April 8, 2020.
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                    It was hindering ours because my husband’s load doubled and there’s been stress and tension, and he just wasn’t around as much. Although, we have pretty much kept to our scheduled times (guaranteed 3x/wk). I have noticed that I think the stress is upping his drive, so I am trying to be more accommodating to him, which he has appreciated the past couple of nights.

                    Under the stars Answered on April 7, 2020.

                    “It was hindering ours because my husband’s load doubled…”

                    Sounds really painful for his prostate! 😆 Glad you were more accommodating to him! 😉

                    -Scott

                    on April 8, 2020.

                    LOL… when I read the quote, I saw the pun.

                     

                    on April 8, 2020.
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                      There was a similar thread a couple of weeks ago you might want to check out as well: https://qna.themarriagebed.com/question/has-the-quarantining-helped-or-hindered-your-sexual-relationship-how/

                      We’re trying to keep to our usual frequency, but as the quarantine drags on and online school has started, DW is getting more stressed, which takes away from her openness to sex. She needs a lot of down/alone time to function well, and she’s not really getting any of that right now. It’s been tough for us all!

                      On the floor Answered on April 8, 2020.
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                        My schedule has changed – laid off on my Chinese delivery job, getting mega overtime at grocery store (3rd shift stocker)

                        We’re usually together between 3-8pm, but frequency is still rather low.

                        “DW, we’re like one of those old married couples, when we’re in bed together, we’d rather be sleeping than ML.”

                        (19 years married on Thursday)

                        Queen bed Answered on April 8, 2020.
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