Dealing With Anger Issues

    Hi Beloved,

    Please pray for me.  I had a blow-up with my wife to where my anger went out of control.  I am tired of living like this and am taking the steps to get help through professional counseling offering through my work. I also told my Pastor what I am doing and asking him to keep me accountable.

    In addition, I shared with my wife that if I start getting flooded with emotions, I will use a code word to let her know that I am out of control and need to calm down.

    Your prayers and encouragement would be appreciated because my anger has damaged my marriage and tonight’s outburst has not helped at all. 🙁

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    9 Answer(s)

      Been there recently and will be praying. I went the counseling route and had a good friend to walk me through who also gave great help and insight. Everything for a reason, even if to further your resolve to do what’s right. Even after learning so much I made big mistakes that seemed like major setbacks but sometimes just opened doors to communication later on. Part of following Jesus is dying to self. It’s not easy, it’s a struggle, but it’s what we must do. Praying that what you think caused damage will not only heal but lead to heightened love, commitment and intimacy.

      California King Answered on July 30, 2019.

      Thank you for your prayers.

      on July 31, 2019.
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        I am a woman and have struggled with anger many times in my life and marriage. I have gotten better over the past few years, but if I revisit my anger then, I was battling myself even though I took it out on DH. My anger was actually meant for others, but he was there in the moment that I felt allowed to feel it.  Therapy was one of the best ways I could have dealt with it. Additionally, I would:

        First, take a step outside and picture yourself in that heated moment. What do you see? What do you think?  Analyze what moments you could have used to take a step back and rethink your next move. Often times it’s easier for angry people to imagine how they could have more harshly responded, how they could have zeroed in on their point of hurt. Imagine instead of what it looks like to allow Jesus to respond.  Imagine yourself reaching that moment you could have changed things and how the outcome could have been different if you made taken that other move. I think visualizing this alternative approach and outcome can help.

        Second, allow yourself to recognize that your anger may be a response to a past hurt and in today’s time aggravated by your spouse. It’s actually caused by something else in your life or past, and you need to figure out where that hurt really comes from. I don’t know your situation and it could actually be your spouse as the sole cause of your anger, and that is another issue entirely. I can only share what I feel led to do for now. I’ve learned through my own anger issues and I would encourage reading and thinking over most of the books of 1 Cor and James. My final thoughts on anger are found in this is a particular scripture: Ephesians 4:22-27.

        King bed Answered on July 30, 2019.

        Thank you, Sis, for sharing and will use your wise counsel in my own life.  Thank you for sharing.

        on July 31, 2019.
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          Sorry please, while reading your post the song “what a friend we have in Jesus ” came to mind.

          What a friend we have in Jesus all our sins and grieves to bear
          What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer
          Oh what peace we often forfeit of what needless pain we bear
          All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer
          Have we trials and temptations is there trouble anywhere
          If we have don’t be discouraged take it to the Lord in prayer

          I wish I could sing it here. Jesus is the dearest friend. He will solve your issues for you. Cheer up my brother and Live in the sunshine.

          Queen bed Answered on July 31, 2019.

          Thank you, Brother.

          on July 31, 2019.
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            I have been there also, E, and can tell you that there is reason to hope.  I was an angry man, did not know how to negotiate with my wife and hurt her many times with my angry words.  I was not physically abusive but felt guilty afterward for the way i had acted and what i had said.

            It was a struggle for me of several years duration, with prayer, counseling, and asking God many times to change me and help me to change myself.

            Do not give in to it, resolve to do better and improve in your relationship.  Make all this clear to your wife and tell her you have committed to be a better husband and what you are doing to accomplish that.

             

            Praying for you, friend.

            Queen bed Answered on July 31, 2019.

            Thank you for your godly example…with God, I KNOW that He can change me and He will for the better and for the glory of God and our marriage.

            on July 31, 2019.
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              I can empathize brother. I am struggling with my own anger issues. I find that listening to upbeat music helps me be calm.

              Fell out of ... Answered on August 2, 2019.
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                Sorry to hear this brother. You are doing the right thing by seeking help and accountability. Being frank and humble with your DW is also a good step in the right direction. And we will be praying for you.

                Please remember God’s word in James1:19-20 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” So, seek to be quick to listen and slow to speak so that you will become slower to anger.

                 

                Under the stars Answered on July 30, 2019.

                Thank you for your support.

                on July 31, 2019.
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                  Making a plan to walk a different road is the best way to get where you would rather be. Will pray for you as you take one step at a time. Anger is a tough stumbling block, but God is the best hand-holder to keep us upright.

                  You didn’t mention it, but I assume you also apologized to your wife? And that out of control doesn’t mean physically abusive. If your wife is still suffering from the events of the evening (even just sad), I trust you are taking steps to see to her needs (or get someone else to if necessary). She still needs your love, even when you two are in conflict. Maybe especially then.

                  Praying for both of you!!!

                  Under the stars Answered on July 30, 2019.

                  When I used the term of “Out of control”…I was throwing things…I pushed my wife out of the way.  I did apologize and repented to God.

                  on July 31, 2019.
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                    Praying for you. We have had to deal with anger issues in our marriage. After a life coach told my husband he needed anger management, he finally took my advice to seek the Holy Spirit to find the root. He was faithful to reveal it so that he could actually deal with it, not just “manage” it.

                    Under the stars Answered on July 30, 2019.

                    ^^ THIS…Thank you, Sis…you are right…It’s a root issue and more importantly, a heart issue.  Your prayers are appreciated.

                    on July 31, 2019.
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                      Update:

                      By God’s grace, I have been using my code word when I am feeling flooded and I need to walk outside for 20 minutes to cool off.  This has helped because last Sunday, the situation could have turned ugly again between my wife and I.

                      I tried to get a counseling session with my job Employee Assistance Program yet the counselor did not get back with me in time.  He also wanted to meet me next Monday and I feel and think that this issue won’t wait. 

                      I decided to go with a Christian counseling service called Faithful Counseling online.  There is a 7 day trial and I will see how the Lord works in this.  I took the courage to reach out to the counselor and I am waiting for his response.  There is sure a lot of waiting in this situatioin..Hmmm…

                      I still get anger at my job situation though and the feeling of being trapped there…God really has to work with me in this area because at times I can get nasty and have a bad attitude.  I asked the Lord to forgive me…still it’s hard for me.

                      Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on August 13, 2019.
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