Depression and Anxiety destroying my libido
So I’m in between medications right now and I’m a mess.
I wish my D&A was over things I could settle. Unfortunately I’m such a deep thinker, so all the things I can’t reconcile are the biggest issues in life. And when I say “deep thinker” I don’t mean “smart”. I think if I were really smart I could figure out these things.
On my SSRI, I’m a happy go lucky guy, loving my kids, loving my wife, loving my hobbies, and enjoying church. The downside is that the most important things, sanctification, spiritual discipline, evangelism all take a backseat to whatever feels good today.
It’s strange to feel like faith in Christ makes you a Christian, but a simple pill can take that away.
So I’ve stayed on the medication that boosts mood and energy, but I’m off of the one that balances my serotonin (the happiness brain chemical)
Now I want to pray and cling to Christ every day and study his word. But as much as I do I still can’t feel happy, safe, or fulfilled. Life feels like living in a cloudy bubble. I’m there. I’m acting normal. Everyone else is acting normal, but behind the scenes my mind is racing in existential dread. Fear that God isn’t real, a delusion, and we’re all happily marching into the eventual ground. How terrifying! But no, I believe in God and I know that Jesus desires to save everyone, but nothing else matters. This tv show, this movie, this car, this house, my hobbies, my vacations, NONE of it matters. And my kids are growing up in a world that hates God and replaces him with all this stuff that doesn’t matter!
That’s just a small glimpse into the tornado of my mind these days.
Needless to say, it’s affected my sex life. I was enjoying the pursuit of a great marriage and improving our sex life more and more as the years go by. Now…now I just want to go to sleep so I don’t have to think about anything anymore.
I know you guys are praying people. Please pray that The Lord will teach me what He needs to teach me, and pray that my psychiatrist can help me find a balance to get me back to normal, enjoying my beautiful wife, without neglecting my wonderful Saviour.
I do pray that you will find peace and joy and balance, in whatever from and from whatever source the Lord means to give them to you, whether that be medication or miraculous instant healing or somewhere in between.
I understand the tornado mind! I sometimes feel like I can’t even hold on to my thoughts long enough to think all the way through them. And yes, when there is that much going on in your head, it is exhausting and you do just want to go to sleep and make it stop! (Or I often read, so it’s like my brain is a train on railroad tracks rather than a bumper car.)
Remember that feelings change, but the truth of Christ never does. When what you feel doesn’t make sense, remember what you know. And when you hear existential questions in your mind remember two things: 1)GOD IS BIG ENOUGH FOR YOUR QUESTIONS! 2) The enemy tells lies.
Seek the truth and you will find it. Seek God and you will find Him.
Like any other illness, depression and anxiety are a result of the fall, of sin and death coming into the world. The are often directly the result of Satan’s lies. Sometimes those lies can be conquered with just a word from the Savior; sometimes he uses a paste of mud (or antidepressants). Either way, neither the lies, the depression, nor the anxiety stand a chance when God decides to heal!
I still fight both of them every day, but I believe one day God will lift both and I will be free of them. Keep holding his hand, and you will too.
Fantastic answer Duchess.
PPK – praying for you today. Perhaps there is a balance that can be struck with a slight reduction or stepped down approach with the SSRI.
I am no stranger to having ones mind run “too fast” and I have to remind myself that while one can’t help what pops into their mind, one can decide whether to continue to think about it or whether to dismiss it. It sometimes is a matter of choosing what to think about and being proactive about it – like all things it gets harder when stress and other problems pop up.