Did you guys see the Love Sync on shark tank?
My wife was telling me about it so she replayed it. They made a device where each have a button on their side of the bed that signals the other person as to their interest. If both press the button then it does this swirl thing to indicate that both are interested. They apparently sold a bunch of them on kick starter.
Personally I think people should work on their communication skills with their spouse, but I know the other side of this is the rejection people feel when initiating that isn’t met with a positive result.
Their thought is that it would get couples together more than if they didn’t have it, and perhaps for some couples that would be the case with miscommunication or not communicating.
We tried that…My DW is LD and instead of me asking over and over and hearing no, or “i’m so tired” (another form of no)…I went to the shop and turned a bowl on the lathe. It had 3 gold coins and 3 silver. If she or I put on in, that meant, we were available. 2 meant, all you have to do is show up and we’ll have sex. 3 meant, I want it right now!…Those weren’t exactly the words, but I can’t remember. Anyway, I tried it for a month or so, and the only effort that was made was her putting 1 coin in there one time.
I think there’s no substitute for verbal communication…i.e. Just ask! Ok, so you hear him or her say no…at least you’ve said the words, not left it to chance, or a misunderstanding with objects because we don’t use our words. We’re all adults, and we shouldn’t be afraid to make our requests in person…even if it’s no.
At first I was like “that’s kind of strange” but then I realized that sometime during our 30 years of marriage, if either one of us gets a towel out of the linen closet while we’re getting ready for bed it pretty much means “we’re making love tonight – unless of course you have a reason to not.”. If one of us is too tired, etc. and not up for the response is almost always “would it be OK if we planned on tomorrow, I’m ________ :. But that doesn’t happen a lot because the message has been understood. So yeah, I guess it’s just a techie way of getting to the same point.
I didn’t see it, but I have heard others suggest things like using pillows or coins, so apparently it’s a need, or at least helpful, for some out there.
Maybe having something like that, would make a lower drive person at least think about sex and consider it daily/nightly, and without that kind of decision, they may not think about it at all. But, if an understanding of responsive desire, or an understanding of a husband/HrD never comes into play, the couple will still miss out or feel lacking, so communication, learning, and growing is needed for a healthy relationship.
It’s a communication tool to use…but it seems kind of far fetched unless it was made to be fun. Ultimately, it comes down to will one turn down the other and rejection & pain is felt by either partner. For a guy, repeated rejection over time is emasculating.
DH and I agreed that if a couple feels so fearful of rejection that they don’t want to just talk about it, then they will also feel fearful of being the first to push the button. I don’t see much use in it except as a gag gift or a fun thing that would wind up being another piece of clutter. OTOH, like runningwithdog, we have our own subtle signals that we sometimes use. I almost always shower first so if he comes into the bedroom after his shower and I’m in lingerie, have candles lit, am wearing perfume, etc. that’s a pretty clear invitation! Before we started penning the dog in the bedroom with us to limit her nighttime destruction I would know he had plans if he came in from his shower and shut the door, especially if he was wearing his “sexy” underwear. Other than that, we don’t ever actually voice a discussion of will we or won’t we unless one of us says early in the evening, “I’m —-ing you tonight whether you like it or not!” (Don’t anyone get their panties in a bunch; it’s just flirtatious, refusal is always a real option and I probably say it more than he does.) Usually we just go in for the goodnight kiss and either settle in to go to sleep or keep kissing.