Discussing Mechanics

    Is it just me, or does the discussion of the physical mechanics of sex for the sake of telling someone how to have sex seem pointless? For me I have always had a natural and primal sense of how sex is to be practiced, even if I did not know the exact specifics. I also would think that a man and a woman in a room naked are going to figure out how to have sex one way or another. It also seems that natural curiosity (I am intensely curious and an avid thinker) would reveal the more subtle mechanical things as well.

    I guess my question is useless because apparently men have been shocked by some of the anatomical findings of the female genitalia.

    Precursor out of the way: is it necessary to discuss sexual mechanics in this day and age of information?

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      Most people learn the bare essentials about sex when they hit puberty; i.e. how intercourse between a man and a woman can result in a baby.  So, no, hopefully most couples entering marriage do not need this kind of basic instruction.

      However, as suggested above, there are plenty of things that are not taught during the usual ‘birds and bees’ talk, like for example the anatomy of the clitoris, why the distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening can be a factor in whether or not woman can orgasm during PIV intercourse,  the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire, etc. While some couples can ‘figure’ out what works for them well enough to not require additional study, other couples have sexual problems that require more in-depth information. As you can tell from the posts on this website, there are plenty of husbands and wives who have problems with various aspects of their sex lives. Often, a useful place to start when addressing sexual issues is to go back the the’basics’ to understand more completely what happens during intercourse. Intercourse may seem simple, but there is a lot happening (physically, emotionally, psychologically) in the simple act of a penis entering a vagina.

      On the floor Answered on July 13, 2020.
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        I think if you are talking about just a man and a woman (not educating chlldren) then i think it usually comes much easier for men than women….orgasm, especially. However i cannot imagine how hard it is for a man to figure out the female genitalia for sure because, even we don’t know much about it unless we self explore or educate ourselves. Factor in the innate sexual drive that’s usually stronger in men.   What hollywood portrays is so so unrealistic especially for women.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 12, 2020.
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          It IS possible for people to find themselves completely in the dark about something people assume “everyone knows”, and the idea of turning to the internet to find the best information can be dicey. Suppose I were about to enter into marriage and truly did not know the mechanics of it, What do I put in the search box? “How do people have sex?” “What is sex like?” Any variation of the question I can think of leaves me open to the risk of returning downright awful answers at best and porn at worst. I think it is better to provide information that is unnecessary than to have someone ignorant and embarrassed to ask or worse, misinformed and unaware.

          Here’s an example. DH and I have been married for 26 1/2 years. Half that was gone before I  became aware that AS is actually a real thing.  And it wasn’t until I started hanging out here that I learned putting a pillow under the butt isn’t something weird and only to be done when you are trying to keep the sperm near the cervix for conception. In other words, We can always learn something new, no matter how much we think we know.

          Under the stars Answered on July 12, 2020.
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            I agree with Duchess. My wife and I were pretty clueless even though I had been exposed to quite a bit or porn. Mechanics for sure, but even more so everything else (things you can’t see in porn), ranging for the emotional connection to knowledge that the large majority of wives can and should be orgasming, at least with enough practice.

            In terms of mechanics, there’s still a decent amount we don’t know. And finding good sources is nearly impossible.

            -Scott

            Under the stars Answered on July 12, 2020.
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              Maybe to add to your question…. WHO do you want teaching your children about sex, whether it’s the mechanics (I’m assuming this is “Tab A goes into slot B”?), the “subtle mechanics” (foreplay, arousal, lubrication, clitoral stimulation, responsive desire, orgasms, PE, etc, etc), or the reasons for it (God’s purpose for it within marriage)?   Yes, in this day and age, the vast majority will enter into their puberty or sexual age with some knowledge, but who/what colored their thinking before entering it?    Do we really want them to start their relationships with the foundation of what they learned from media (including porn), their peers at school, or from their own assumptions?

              Under the stars Answered on July 12, 2020.

              I am asking specifically about simple mechanics, and specifically about adults being educated.

              To be frank, I am pretty sure most people watch porn because it is a fantasy of sex, not because it represents anything close to the truth. That being said, I at least am aware that it is a facade. I do not deny that the knowledge of the lie can still taint my knowledge of the truth, but I think having knowledge of both is better than having knowledge of just the lie. How much knowledge I have of the truth however, well, let’s just say that is why I am here. Why I have been lurking on the website and boards since I was 14. I have probably studied more about sex than I have studied my formal education. This does not necessarily mean I have anything to show for it, I think I do however. Also, I have never used porn as a method of research as it was when I was 14 that I researched orgasm and figured out that for the most part, everything depicted in porn is the same as In a movie, it is an act.

              on July 12, 2020.
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                @TheStateofThings…. apparently, I am not sure exactly what you are talking about.  If you could point to examples of where you are seeing the kind of conversations you are talking about, that would be helpful to me (and maybe others).

                Under the stars Answered on July 12, 2020.

                The question is whether it is necessary to discuss the physical act of sex. In other words the birds and the bees conversation essentially. I am not exactly sure what this conversation involves as I was never given the discussion. I believe it to explain that the penis goes in the vagina and ejaculation can result in pregnancy if the woman is in her fertility window. When discussing marital sex I think most people focus on the PIV portion.

                As for examples, according to my brothers who have gone through premarriage counseling, the majority of the discussion is about PIV, what I like to call the mechanics of sex. I am using PIV as a broad term here, as I imagine they try and hit on a lot of the more intricate portions of sex.  I trust my brothers, and each of them have done premarriage counseling with different people/churches organizing the “class” as it was required by the pastor who was marrying them. I assumed the point of premarriage counseling was to talk about Biblical principles in regard to roles, money handling, and sex. I cannot really see a situation where discussing principles of sex requires you to discuss that most men assume the vaginal opening is much lower than they think.

                To summarize, I am confused as to why anyone but the couple will ever need to discuss such things. Everyone’s body is completely unique from the last so a conversation with an expert is hardly necessary unless you are addressing medical problems. Additionally, anatomy is easily researched online and the vast majority of educational and medical content that is free on the internet is very informative and factual.

                Sorry for communicating poorly, I sincerely hope this clarifies my question. Thank you for informing me of my error, please continue to inform me if I am still not communicating rationally.

                on July 12, 2020.
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                  Personally I would find it hard to imagine that the very basic actions of sex would not be discovered naturally and instinctively by men and a women even if they had no prior knowledge of the subject. Hey, nobody teaches birds how to build a nest.

                  For example my wife always told me that when she gets turned on, she has an overwhelming desire to “push me in”, have my penis inside her and “fill her vagina”. Likewise, I suspect any normal man with an erect penis would instinctively want to push it into the moist, warm gap that seems like a perfect place. So from that point of view, I think after puberty most people would figure out what to do.

                  But yes, taking it beyond the basics, there is a place for a bit more detail and forums like this one is a great place for that because the problem is – who do you ask? You can’t exactly ask your mum and dad, friends or colleagues “by the way, just wondering, John, how does your Claire like her clitoris stimulated?” Or, in some cases maybe we are a bit embarrassed to find that the thought of something turns us on and it’s reassuring to find out that other people do that too.

                  Fell out of ... Answered on July 13, 2020.
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                    Fully agree on: “Is it just me, or does the discussion of the physical mechanics of sex for the sake of telling someone how to have sex seem pointless? For me I have always had a natural and primal sense of how sex is to be practiced, even if I did not know the exact specifics.

                    21579630 - close up image of human hand inserting key in key hole ...

                     

                    Hammock Answered on July 14, 2020.
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                      This is my second marriage and after 30+ years with one man, it was actually very odd to ML with my second husband. His motions and positions were very different from my previous experiences. Of course habits are formed as a result of body shapes, flexibility, etc, so no two people will have the exact same angles and choices. So I think any man can insert PIV but there is more to it that comes with practice with a particular person. That is why marriage is so lovely. God set it up so our pleasure would increase as we get to know each other and adjust to each other.

                      King bed Answered on July 14, 2020.

                      That is why marriage is so lovely. God set it up so our pleasure would increase as we get to know each other and adjust to each other.”

                      Amen, sister!

                      on July 14, 2020.
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