Do bad dreams temporarily affect your relationship?
Do you find that if one of you has a bad or troublesome dream, maybe one in which your spouse behaved in a hurtful way, that it affects how you think and feel until the dream dissipates?
My DH had a disturbing dream last night (he didn’t tell me any more than that) and I could tell this morning that something “I” did in his dream upset him. He’s not angry; it’s more like he feels hurt or sad. He didn’t have time to talk about it this morning, and usually the phenomenon is brief. It happens every couple months or so.
It has happened to me before, although very seldom.
Do you dream about each other? How does it affect your waking hours?
Have you been reading my mail? 😉 We had to deal with this on Sunday.
Yes, they can affect us, and it goes both ways. Tim Hawkins talks about it in one of his shows… even though it wasn’t real, she’s upset because she knows that’s how he would act. 🙂
God actually revealed some things via dreams to my husband, and that puts any dream that is disturbing, even more disturbing to him, because is it true? Is God trying to reveal something or giving him a warning, or is it just the enemy? I just encourage him to tell me about it, ask me any questions he may have, because even if he knows it can’t be true, it doesn’t hurt to have confirmation of it.
For me, it takes me some time to process it. It may be processed fairly quickly, or it may take several days to work through it. I usually do pretty good at not letting it affect us, even if it bothers me. And if it’s one of those off the wall ones, that have me waking up mad at him, I have learned to tell him about it so that we can laugh.
LOL I rarely have dreams about my husband, but for some reason (probably because his drive has been really low the last few months and I’m feeling neglected) the other night I dreamed that we went to a party together and there were no places to sit together. He decided to plop down on a couch next to some young attractive girl, and said “well, I’m sitting here” and starting talking to her. I was irritated and said “OK, I guess I’ll just find somewhere else to sit”.
The next day I told him about it, mostly because I thought it was funny. He said “oh, so I was being an a**hole?” I said “yeah, pretty much”. I know that dreams can’t be controlled and most times don’t “mean” anything – in my case they’re just extreme projections of how I’m feeling about things in real life.
Several of the depression medications Wifey has tried have an unfortunate side effect of vivid, anxious dreams. She hasn’t shared any that involve me, but the ones she has shared were pretty horrendous. They definitely affected her, she said it made the day start off jarring and it cast a shadow on the day no matter the good that happened later.
DW rarely has dreams and if she does, they are usually about other people. I don’t have bad dreams about her either.
But, I can understand how and why such dreams could impact one’s marriage relationship. Especially when one things deeply about them and tries really hard to interpret all the aspects of it.
I know that positive dreams about DW make me more romantic and affection toward her!
I had a conversation with someone (on here) about this very same thing just a couple days ago. I dreamed a few days ago that my wife was having an affair. On the surface…so what? The question was asked of me…how did it effect you? IRL, it was reversed, and I was the offender. I’ve often thought what I’d say if she ever had an affair in real life…”I got what I deserved”? “Karma”?, or “You’re a hypocrite.” I dunno…All I know is seeing it in my dreams and waking up a few minutes after it began has no comparison to dealing with the consequences and fall out from an almost three year adulterous relationship…and what I really deserve is to dream about that nightmare every night. I think that would be an appropriate punishment in hell…make me relive the discovery of that, and what it did to my family…over and over, for eternity.
I have a terrible relationship with dream-DW. I have had dreams where she’s cheated on me, where she has said terrible, hurtful things, where she has died, and where she has used sex to punish or embarrass me. My sweetheart would never do any of that. I understand that it is often my subconscious manifesting my greatest fears. Knowing that it isn’t real doesn’t help my confidence, though. So, to answer the question, yes, bad dreams have been harmful to my sex life. Though, only very temporarily. My wife reminds me that the dream version of her is not a nice person and then speaks my LL with affirming words. It helps! But, like you said, dreams sometimes just need time to process and recover from.
Before I got married, a friend of mine said his wife would sometimes be angry at him for days for something ‘he did’ in a dream. We both seemed to think that was very unreasonable.
Something that makes this a bit more complicated, though, is that the Bible says that God speaks through dreams (in Job). My wife does have revelatory type dreams, but I think some are normal dreams, too. She’s had dreams of me cheating or making an unwise choice. I’ve never had sex with anyone else but her in ‘real life’, but I do try to think, if she’s had these dreams, whether I’ve looked and had impure thoughts. I want to be open to that kind of correction, even through her dreams. But I realize they can just come from her own heart as well.
I don’t know if any of these dreams have effected how she feels about me or made it harder to feel intimate toward me. I suspect some of them may have. I can think of once or twice she dreamed I was doing something inappropriate sexually in all the years we’ve been married, so it’ isn’t a common thing.
I occasionally dream about DH, but just a neutral one. Occasionally, I have sexual dreams about him, but thats it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a disturbing dream about him.
I asked him the question, and to his knowledge he’s never had a disturbing one about me, either.